Home for Horny Monsters - Book Six

Cat Radio

"C'mon." Kisa pushed the grate out of the way and squeezed through the tiny opening. She crawled forward on her belly and stood to discover that they were in a storage room full of wrapping paper. Turning around, she grabbed Holly by the wrists to pull her through. Holly sat down against the wall while Kisa helped Tink. The goblin grumbled when her horns caught on the edge of the grate, then swore when she fell on her face.

The openings in the heating system were typically small, which meant it had taken some time to find one big enough for them to squeeze through. They had walked for several hours, all tied together by the garland around their waists to keep from getting split up. On more than a couple occasions, one of them had fallen in a hole that hadn't existed for the others, or turned down a brand new hallway that opened up without warning. Eventually, Tink's goggles had tracked airflow and she led them to an exit big enough for the three of them to fit through.

"Tink tired of fucking vents," she declared, then stood and brushed off her dress. "Husband big lost, need better strategy."

"Agreed." Kisa frowned at the vent, then closed her eyes. They had tried to find Mike, but his location kept shifting all over the place. Sometimes Kisa could sense that he was close by, but then he would shift away as if teleported. The trio had made slow progress, and Holly's only contribution had been her presence. The elf had been silent the entire time, staring at her feet as they walked.

Tink stuck her head back in the vent and looked around, her nostrils flaring. "Husband wait for Tink!" she hollered, then backed out. "Stupid fucking furnace," she muttered and flopped down on the ground. "Tummy hurt. Big hungry."

At hearing these words, Holly flinched, then reached into the pack around her waist and pulled out a handful of cookies. They were sugar cookies shaped like bells, wreaths and candy canes that had been decorated with white frosting and colored sugar crystals. She handed them wordlessly to Tink, then sat down against the wall.

"No make Tink forget?" the goblin asked warily. "Tink no like memory cookies."

Holly shook her head. "They're magic, but they don't make you forget," she said, then took another one from her pouch. She took a bite to show that they were safe. "I've got plenty, but a couple should fill you right up. I have them for long missions away from home, human food isn't really good for elves. Too much salt."

Tink handed Kisa a couple, then ate the rest all at once. Her dress was soon adorned with cookie crumbs, which she meticulously picked up and stuffed into her mouth.

"So are you ready to talk?" Kisa took a bite of the candy cane cookie and moaned. It was the most fantastic thing she had ever tasted, filling her mouth with buttery richness and just a hint of peppermint.

Holly sighed, then wrapped her arms around her legs. "What do you know about Santa?" she asked.

"Beard. Fat. Red suit." Tink listed these off, her mouth still full of cookie crumbs. A few fell out, and she picked up the crumbs and dutifully tucked them back in her mouth.

"He's much more than that." Holly looked back at the vents. "The human world only sees what it wants to, which has always been a double edged sword."

"What do you mean?" Kisa took another bite and fought back the wave of culinary pleasure that rushed through her. If she got a chance, she was taking some of these home with her after this was all over.

"He didn't always use to be the way he is. Santa, he adapts, you know?" Holly stood and turned toward the wall. She pulled a marker from her pack and started drawing on the wall. When she stepped away, she had drawn a man in robes and a tall hat. "This was how people saw Santa in the beginning. Just a simple man with a desire for generosity. He was called Saint Nicholas back then, and he performed miracles and a great many deeds. His legends grew until he did something that all mortals eventually do—he died."