Home for Horny Monsters - Book Six

Future Problems

Mike was lying in the fountain, his head nestled between Naia's breasts as he watched the technicolor clouds of the Dreamscape drift overhead. The nymph lovingly toyed with his hair as he commanded the clouds to change shape above them, transforming them into nonsensical creatures that chased each other in circles.

"Does your head feel better?" she asked.

"Getting there." His eyes flicked to the large crack that still dominated one section of the sky. Shortly after proclaiming to Jack Frost that he was the man who was going to save Christmas, his entire head had exploded with pain. Yuki had managed to catch him on the way down, but everything went dark. When he next opened his eyes, he was in the Dreamscape.

Thinking he had just lost consciousness, he tried to wake up. Usually this was an easy feat, but a series of giant cracks in the sky had pulsed with a terrible light, driving him back to the ground in pain. The cracks were fading over time, and he intended to leave once they were gone. "I don't know why more spas don't offer this as a service. People would pay good money to relax in a hot spring with a perfect pair of breasts like yours."

"I'm sure someone out there does it for a living. You just don't get out much."

He laughed, then groaned when the crack widened. "Why does it have to hurt in here?" he groaned.

"Your first experience with soul magic was akin to running a marathon, silly." Numerous hands rubbed his body, helping him relax. "I pushed you much farther than you should have been able to go, and you accidentally absorbed some of that golden light. I was able to keep it from frying your brain, so the headache is a consolation prize."

"Thanks for that." He reached a hand up and patted her breast affectionately. "I don't know what would have happened to Yuki, but it wasn't good."

"She probably would have ended up like the snow bitch." Lily said from nearby. She was lying on a banana-shaped floaty. In the Dreamscape, Naia's fountain was often the size of a wave pool, likely for reasons Freud would happily have spent hours dissecting. "With swiss-cheese for a brain."

"That's not very nice," Naia said.

"And?" Lily turned her attention toward Mike, lowering her sunglasses for dramatic effect. "Bitch brought an army, had a psychotic break, and is now playing the part of Stroke Victim Elsa on Santa's couch."

Even though he was asleep, this piece of Lily was able to hear what was happening around him through his ears if she sat somewhere quiet and concentrated hard enough. It had taken her quite a bit of time, but eventually she reported that half of Jack's body was paralyzed, and she had been placed in an armchair by the fire. The ice monsters were still outside, but most of them had spread through the village to do whatever it was ice monsters did. To his relief, Yuki and Holly were watching over him while also keeping wary eyes on Jack.

Speaking of Yuki...

Mike looked over toward the house. A sullen kitsune sat there with her knees pulled up to her chest, staring at him from between her legs.

"You still good?" he asked her.

Yuki's soul flipped him the bird, which caused a small bird to fly away from her that shouted "fuck you!" before it disappeared in the sky.

"She'll adjust," Naia said, rubbing his shoulders. "The part of her soul that she gave you was heavily damaged. It's almost like she knew this was a safe place for it to heal."

"As long as she's house-trained, whatever." Lily sipped on a fruity cocktail drink that she summoned from the ether. "Oh, and not that anyone asked me, but fucking that elf girl while messing with someone's soul? Totally gave me a chub."