Home for Horny Monsters - Book Six

Last Christmas

The Ghost of Last Christmas didn't waste time with words. Instead, it extended a hand for Mike to take, which he did. The others grabbed onto his free hand, and a dark mist filled the room. Though it looked sinister, Mike didn't feel like the spirit's intentions were malicious. In fact, he realized he could see what the spirit was made of now. It was similar to Freyja's soul, except the threads of Christmas Past were made up of tiny little gears that shifted in sync with each other.

The cabin vanished, and Mike found himself standing in Santa's special workshop. The fat bastard himself was contemplating a large gift with the letter M on it that had been installed into a vise for Mike to find later.

"I believe that's everything," he said out loud, then turned his attention toward Mike. "For next Christmas, anyway."

"What the fudge?" Mike licked at his lips and rolled his eyes. "Okay, sorry. Can he even hear us?"

"These are the shadows of the past," the spirit began.

"Yeah, yeah. They can't hear us or whatever." He dismissed the spirit and put his hands on his waist. "So now I get a pre-recorded message from the past. I'm over these time travel shenanigans. At least the Santa at the mall talks to you in real-time."

Yuki moved to stand next to him, then dug her nails into his side.

"Ow, what the heck?" he groused. Yuki tilted her head toward Holly. The elf was sitting cross-legged on the floor, her chin in her hands and a huge smile on her face.

"It's been a very busy week," Santa began while pulling over a rocking chair. When he sat in it, the wood creaked but held his weight. An elf came in through the door of the workshop with a large plate of cookies and a carafe of milk.

"Thank you, Lester." Santa patted the elf on the head. "This is exactly what I needed."

The elf beamed, then walked away.

"That was Lester," Santa said once the elf was gone. "If everything I've learned is true, this will be his last Christmas. Sometime after I go missing next year, one of the giants will eat him." He shook his head and wiped a tear from his eyes. "Poor Lester."

"What the farts?" Mike stared in disbelief. "The elves are getting eaten? Why isn't he doing anything?"

"That he knows the future with such certainty," Yuki muttered. "He really did know what was coming."

"Indeed," Santa replied. He turned his attention to Holly. "I am so sorry about everything you've gone through, but I'm afraid there's more to come. Your faith in me is a blessing, but I do not deserve it."

Holly sighed. "Santa," she whispered, a dreamy look on her face. "You can rely on me."

Santa nodded, then turned his attention in Freyja's direction. "As for you, old friend, I am sorry for your ordeals as well. You should know that all of it was necessary to get you into your current state."

The goddess snorted. "More like you're lucky we got this far," she muttered.

The big man sighed, then put the plate on his belly and the carafe of milk on a nearby bench. He held up one of the cookies and chuckled.

"In fact, this is partially your fault." Santa glanced over the top of his glasses at the goddess, his lips momentarily stretching into a frown.

"Excuse me?" Freyja stepped forward, but Mike grabbed her by the wrist. A chill ran up to his elbow, but he shrugged it off. Apparently touching her when they weren't naked and fudging was much safer.

"These are just shadows of what have been," he said in his best spooky spirit voice.

"There are two fundamental truths about this place, my dear Freyja. Although this is home to perhaps the most powerful magic on Earth, it's been confined to revolve around a single, temporal point—Christmas Day." Santa smiled and took a bite of the cookie. When it crumbled onto his beard, Mike could see some of the hairs twitch and reach for the crumbs.