Oxytocin

The promise

I rushed over to the desk to try and cover it. It was dark outside. How long was I asleep?

"No use," Andrew said leaning over my shoulder from behind me. "I read it all,-" he paused and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. "Everything."

I blushed, embarrassed, and pushed him away from me.

"Andrew I already told you," I said and he chuckled. "What's so funny?"

"What exactly did you promise Sasha?" he asked leaning on my desk. "Because that's one thing even your diary couldn't explain."

"Well," I said nervously, fiddling with my fingers. "I promised her I wouldn't date you cause it would make our friendship awkward."

"That seems reasonable. But there are other things in that diary."

"When she started dating Max," I paused to look up at him. "She felt bad that I didn't have a boyfriend."

"And you felt bad cause?"

"I wanted to date you," I blurted out and closed the diary. "How much did you even read?"

"The last bit, to me, sounded a bit like," he leaned into me to whisper into my ear. "You were planning on breaking the promise."

"Well, I wasn't planning to," I said slipping away from him. I walked over to the desk and started clearing it. "Did you finish studying?"

"Well, I started," he said walking back towards me. "Let's just say I got distracted."

He pulled my hand off of the desk where it was shaking. 

"Lea," he said and kissed my hand. "Look I know you don't wanna hurt Sasha, and I don't want to either."

"Andrew," I said, his name slipping weakly out of my mouth.

"I like you," he said and kissed my hand again. "I really do. And as much as you promised Sasha, I know deep down-." He paused and used the hand that wasn't holding mine to brush a stray hair out of my face. "-deep down I know you want to break that promise as much as I want you to."

"I know," I said looking down and blushing. More out of shame than lust. "But it isn't right. I mean what kind of friend would I be if-" I stuttered as my gaze accidentally met his. 

"Hey," he said and used the hand that brushed my hair and rested it on my cheek. "There's nothing wrong with having feelings for someone."

"It's just not fair," I said squeezing his hand that was holding mine. "She knows how much I hate Max, but she still gets to date him. Why can't I date you?"

"You can," he said and stepped closer to me. "No one gets to dictate how you feel except you."

"No," I said and stepped back away from him. "Sasha doesn't want me to date you."

"What do you want?"

"I want her to be-" I started but he interrupted me.

"Lea," he said and stepped closer to me; too close. Maybe not close enough. "What do you want?"

"I want," I said and paused to look into his eyes. I knew what I wanted. I wanted Andrew. And if I couldn't have both Andrew and Sasha, I had to choose. but who? "Andrew I promised her."

"I know," he said rubbing my cheek. "That doesn't mean that's what you want."

I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't let Sasha dictate my feelings. I stroked his hair and rested my hand on the back of his neck. 

"I want you, Andrew," I said before leaning into him.

I kissed him, pulling him into me, then pulled away. He smiled and pulled me back into him. I stumbled as he did and he let go of my hand to hold onto my waist. I brought my other hand up into his hair, slowly drawing circles in it. He pulled my waist up into his, using his other hand to hold my head up.