SECOND LIFE, peter parker

04

LATE AUGUST — EARLY SEPTEMBER 2016

It has been a busy week. Tony had to settle tons of paperwork regarding the Avengers Tower and dealing with the aftermath of the former members of the Avengers escaping from the Raft amongst other important things. He also dropped by the medical wing to check up on Rhodey with his weekly physical therapy session.

It has been months since the prison break and Tony honestly doesn't give a shit about it. Who cares if they managed to escape? Good for them. But because of this, Tony has to deal with Ross constantly bothering him to locate them. Sure, Tony could track the rest of the Avengers that are currently on the run easily with the technology and resources that he has but he has no interest in doing so.

The Avengers have already fallen apart so this is not his problem anymore. What's the point of fixing things if they are not appreciative of the things he had done for them? Tony had upgraded and fixed their weapons, given them rooms in the Tower to live in, and provided anything that they required from the kindness of his heart. He also does not expect anything in return and a simple 'thank you' is enough. But all he gets back from doing all those things is getting stabbed in his back once again.

Tony compiled the stack of papers regarding the accords together and placed it neatly in a box. A folded paper falls to the floor, catching Tony's attention. Curious, he picked the paper up and unfolds it to read the content.

He felt his breath caught in his throat. It was the letter that Steve wrote for him when he was about to break the rest out of prison. Tony glanced at the flip phone placed on his desk that Steve had mailed over to him and grabbed it. He stared at the one contact stored in the burner phone, contemplating. Tony had read the contact number countless times within the past two months that he already had the number memorised by heart. His finger was hovering above the call button.

He wants to reach out to Steve but he never knew what to say. Apologize? Acknowledge his apologies? Yell at him over the phone about how he betrayed his trust? Ask if he regrets any of this?

The events in Siberia were still fresh in his mind. It felt like Tony's heart was ripped out of his chest and being stomped on repeatedly. Tony could still remember the bitter feeling in his chest growing and how blinded by rage he was when he saw the footage of how his parents died.

All the pent up anger and grief for his parents (mostly his mother), was immediately targeted on Barnes. Throughout the years, he never knew where to place his grief. He drowned himself in alcohol and parties to distract himself. He never gave himself time to actually process his grief, always busying himself with work.

As fucked up as it sounds, Tony knew that from the bottom of his heart — even if it was a small bit — he loved his father too. He wouldn't admit it, though. He had chased his father's love and validation for years. It was pathetic. So he grew bitter and hateful towards Howard. Imagine his surprise when Fury revealed that Howard actually cared for him when he dropped off Howard's unfinished project over to him. Tony could still not wrap his head around that fact. It felt like a lie even when there was video evidence being presented to him. Tony wished that Howard said that to his face instead of the camera.

It's all the love that Tony wants to give, but he can't. So the unspent love became vengeful. And when he finally knows that Barnes was behind his parents' death, all he could think of is to do the exact same thing as he saw on the footage.

If Tony was in a clearer state of mind, he would know better that Barnes was a victim too. Especially when he had read up that Barnes was brainwashed and became Hydra's little puppet when he was on the way to Siberia.

Sure, he would be pissed. But just give him a couple of alone time and he would push it behind him and move on. But what made everything worse is the fact that Steve knew and he didn't tell him.