I don't know how to talk to you.
I cant open my mouth and share my feelings when I know they will be ignored.
How do I face the embarrassment when you look at my heart as if it was indecent?
Like how could I open my chest to you? Do I not hold any shame to the emotions I express?
How dare I?
How dare I open my mouth as your child and beg for any emotion besides disappointment from you?
How dare I ache for a place in your arms when they're already holding the child that deserves it?
They deserve your time because they're grades are good. They deserve your love because they cooked for u that one time last year after they forgot to get you a birthday gift.
They deserve the world because they're the child who wasn't raised by you. You didn't need to put in the work when you have a daughter so now u get to enjoy a well raised child.
"Raise your kids so you don't have to raise your grandkids."
Does that still apply when you raise your kids to raise your kids?
Do you remember when you would go to work and leave your daughters home to cook dinner, bathe your sons, clean the house, and handle the animals?
Do you remember you finally gave them money for their hard work? Each a quarter for everything they've done.
25 cent a month for raising boys.
25 cent a month for grocery shopping and cooking dinner.
25 a month for dealing with your useless husband.
Even with our 25 cent, we would walk to the dollar store and buy your sons lolipops for doing good in school.
We would look at every color and flavor with wide eyes because we've never had them ourselves.
Even as a grown women when I walk into the store and look at the lolipops, I can't convince myself that I deserve them.
Maybe I'll pick one up some day... but I doubt it.
YOU ARE READING
Dark skinned Dreams
RandomJust trying to find myself and my place. Just trying to find peace. People told me I should make a diary and this is it. It's all personal thoughts and feelings I hope that I'm not alone in feeling. Major trigger warning ahead.
