Dark skinned Dreams

Past.

I cant bring my current self to hate my past self.

I used to look at my younger photos with disgust.

Acne. Bad hair. Braces. Slouching.

It recently dawned on me how clearly I was upset in every photo.

Acne from my anxiety filled scratching and picking. Hands in my sleeves and pockets to hide the peeled raw skin.

Bad hair from restless nights and rushed mornings. The fear of putting in effort and looking horrible was more stressful than just a quick ponytail.

My smile awkward to hide my gums and over bite. I settled with closed lips but every once in a while I would slip and let myself enjoy the photo. The photos where I smiled most would end up deleted or destroyed days later.

My body was always slouching. As if my chest was caving in on itself. The idea of my form being seen even in jeans and a jacket had me shrinking away from the lenses.

My past self is not much different than who I am now.

My acne scars litter my face, back, and chest like freckles.

I still wear a pony tail everyday. I've mastered the bare minimum and find comfort in what I know.

I still hide my smile. Though not as bad as before, I rather remain stone faced.

I cant help my posture now. The slouching from self consciousness has turned into lack of energy. I cant bring my body to sit up right if I tried.

I am the same version of myself but older.