under the magnolia tree: the pinky promise

10 - the worst news

Life was easy right now but I know it wouldn't be this simple forever.

- 8 months have past -

It is now the spring of the new year. Clay and I have been married for over a year and just got back from Livvy and Kalebs wedding which was in Minnesota to make it easier for her parents.

Clay and I made the decision at their wedding that we would start trying when we got home and haven't exactly gotten to it because I've had to do a lot of reviewing with my book because it was going to be published soon and Clay had videos to edit.

We didn't really have any time to try for a baby but I knew the time would come soon.

-

It's officially been two weeks since we got back from Minnesota and Clay told me he had something special planned for me tonight.

I was excited and I got all ready. I wore my favorite flowy baby blue dress and nice white shoes. I had a white purse and my hair was curled.

Clay ended up taking up to a nice restaurant where he ordered a big steak meal and I got a shrimp meal. It tasted amazing and Clay let me have a taste of his as well. I'm surprised it took us this long to find this restaurant. It had fantastic food.

When we got home Patches per usual rubbed up against my legs. Clay and I went into the kitchen and he poured us each a glass of wine.

"Come here," he said pointing his finger at me.

I went closer to him and he set his glass down grabbing my waist.

"I love you and I'm so thankful for you."

"Clay you are too sweet."

He leaned in and kissed me. I set my glass down on the counter and grabbed his face with both my hands. I kissed him back and he picked me up off the ground and I wrapped my legs around his waist.

He ran upstairs with me and I started giggling. He unzipped my dress and slowly slipped off the straps from my shoulders.

It was finally happening. We were both waiting for this moment.

We did as we normally did except with no protection. I stopped taking my birth control about two weeks ago so I think we were all ready.

-

We woke up the next morning and laid in bed all day. We couldn't stop going at it. It was our lazy day and so we decided to say screw it.

I couldn't believe this was really happening. Clay and I were trying to have kids.

- 2 weeks later -

I bought a test and took it. Clay had his hands around my waist as we waited for the results.

Negative.

- 4 weeks later -

We tried again.

Negative.

- 2 months later -

I decided to take the test alone this time by myself. I started to tear up because it used to be a thought between me and Clay but he really wanted a baby now and I felt bad.

The results came back and tears dropped down my face.

Positive.

I was so excited. But I contained myself. I grabbed my oversized black zip up hoodie and I slipped the pregnancy test in the pocket.

I ran downstairs to find Clay on the living room. I set up my phone and told him to come over to me.

"Babe come over here I need you to try on my hoodie I want to see if it fits you."

"Why love?"

"Just because"

He slipped on the hoodie and didn't think much of it.

"Check the pockets make sure they don't have holes."

He reached in and without pulling it out he dropped his head. He knew exactly what it was and what was happening.

He turned to me for a hug and started crying. I knew this is all he wanted and it finally came true.

I stopped recording and he started getting excited.

"Oh my god we need to plan a gender reveal. Oh my god we need to plan a baby shower or a baby reveal no one else knows yet."

"Okay babe slow your role we just found out. Let's take it slow. See how long it takes for people to notice the belly."

"Okay but if someone guesses it say no so we can reveal it to everyone at the same time."

"Okay fine."

He picked me up in a big hug and I gave him a big kiss.

- July 1st -

July just started which means the baby is about 6 weeks along. The bump was noticeable to me and Clay but if you didn't know you couldn't really tell.

I had an ultrasound today and Clay decided to come with me.

He drove and we made it there right on time.

I sat down and the lady started with putting gel on my stomach.

She spread the gel around but as she did she started to look more and more confused.

"What is it," Clay asked concerned.

I looked at Clay worried for what had happened.

"There is no good way to say this but I can't find a heart beat. Alyssa I'm sorry but you've just had a miscarriage."

Clay was left in shock and tears started to fill both of our eyes.

"What but how I did everything right how did it die," I said with a shaky voice.

"It's very common it happens almost with 50% of pregnancies it just unfortunately happened to you. I am so sorry. I wills leave you to in here for a minute."

She grabbed her clipboard and left.

I grabbed Clays arm as he rested his head on top of mine. We both stayed in the room crying. This was so hard on Clay.

After a little while we drove home and both laid in bed together crying for the rest of the day. Luckily we never told anyone so no one knew.

This hurt both of us but I had hope that one day we would try again.

- September -

It's been about two months since I've miscarried and I still am hurt by it but I wanted to try again. I could tell it still affected Clay hard but maybe trying again would help.

And so that's what we did. And I got pregnant again.

-

I was so close to my second trimester. I had two weeks left and we had another ultrasound.

Clay squeezed my hand hard after we found out we had lost another one.

- January -

Clay took me out for dinner for our anniversary and we ended up trying again.

I ended up getting pregnant again but I miscarried again quickly after.

Clay and I decided to stop trying for a bit and I decided to go to the doctor to see what was wrong and he told me the one thing I didn't want to hear.

"I'm sorry Mrs.Anderson but you are unable to get pregnant and if you do you will most likely miscarry each time. Chances of you passing all trimester is about a 2%."

I thanked the man for his time and went home crying because I may never be able to have kids with Clay. I laid in bed all day numb because of the news. Clay came in and out throughout the day giving me affection but I was too numb to even care.

Clay and I had the perfect life how did it turn into this?