In the Dark

Chapter 11

Perrie's POV

As I lay awake staring up at the ceiling there's only one thing on my mind, or one person rather. Jade. She's always on my mind, but it's a bit heavy right now. We haven't seen each other in a few days.

I already miss her like crazy from when we were together, now I miss her from whatever it was that we just had going on. It's like I'm missing her twice as much.

Now I'm having a hard time falling asleep. The memories are catching up to me. I'm trying my best to give her space and not be pushy or anything, because she doesn't know me like I know her. We're not on the same level here, but it's hard. Really really hard.

I was—am so in love with her. She's all I know, and all I've thought about while I was locked away. She doesn't know this, but being alone like this is hard for me. I was alone for seven years. No conversation. No contact. No daylight. Nothing. I had nothing for seven years, and I'm free now but that nothingness still haunts me.

I agreed to just mess around with her, because I needed something. I needed her any way I could get her, but the way my heart hurt whenever she left me, knowing that she was going home to live the life that is supposed to be with me with someone else, was getting hard to ignore.

And my daughter. Don't even get me started. She's beautiful, and I can't even know her. She's there thinking that lying idiot is her other parent, and that hurts too. They're together in a warm home, meanwhile I'm alone, missing something I don't even know if I'll ever have again.

I need to figure out how to help her remember. I'm really trying not to be selfish, but God I miss her so much. I miss her hugs and kisses. And her soft touch, back when she was just as in love as me. How she used to climb down and sneak into my bunk after hours. We'd either have super quiet sex, or lay awake and whisper for hours. Or both.

My mind goes back to those nights. They were so much fun. Had I known that all I'd have now are the memories, I would've cherished it a little more.

I know we hooked up a few times recently, and it was really good, but there's a difference when you're in love, and she's not. I wish we could go back. Actually, no. I want that old Jade right now. She would be laying right here with me. Her head would be on my chest, and my arms would be wrapped tightly around her, playing in her hair the way she likes.

It's almost 3am now, and clearly I'm not only missing her, I'm missing her body too. I miss the weight of it on top of me. The softness of it. The heat.

I toss and turn, trying my best to get to sleep, but it's no use. Memories of us come rushing in, one after the other. One specific memory hits me hard. It was probably the best night of my life. Both of our first time.

It all started out similar to right now.

I was laying in my bed, hands clasped behind my head, staring up at the bunk above me. Hours had passed since lights out, and everyone was already in deep sleep. I could tell by the many snores filling the room.

Or so I thought.

I feel movement from the top bunk. A bunch of brown curls spill over the edge, followed by a bright shiny smile. One that makes me smile just as bright. It's Jade. Her bunk is over mine. My heart flutters just at the sight of her.

We're friends now, but I've known for a while that I was in love with her, though we've never actually said those three words. I denied my feelings for her for so long, but the feeling I just got in my chest confirms it. I'm head over heels for the brunette, which is funny because we hated each other for a long time.

We aren't together or anything. Like I said, we've been good friends for a while, but we did kiss that one time, and it's all I could think about. There's been a few more than friendly looks exchanged between us, and a little bit of flirting, but nothing more.