In Die Nacht

13

Knowing your brother hurts himself isn't a good feeling. It's like someone is poking their bony finger in your rib cage. Bill wasn't supposed to be this messed up. I told him that first time that he can come to me any time and we can talk. I love my brother. He knows I'll do anything for him. This energy drained monkey wasn't my brother. My brother didn't smoke a pack a day and draw away from others. My brother wasn't depressed anymore. A part of me blames Adam for this nonsense. He shows up and everything gets flipped upside down. I know my dad had a part in this too because he raped him but Adam left him alone to get raped.

My parents don't know what to do and pretty much everyone is walking on eggshells. I haven't even seen Bill today. He left a note saying he went jogging and he'd grab coffee to bring back. Why would he need to jog? We aren't touring for a while. This is our short down time and then we start planning our coveted trip to the US. We've been pulling some songs together to translate to English for the American fans we never knew we had. David is working out the kinks and we are taking time off until then. 2008 will be a busy year for us. Hell, every year is busy for us.

The door was slammed and Bill stormed in holding a stack of papers. I figured they're probably angry parent letters but this wasn't his normal reaction to those. He just tosses them into the fireplace. He tossed the stack onto the coffee table and went out to the yard. If I had to hazard a guess it's to smoke...again. He didn't speak to me anymore. Only sad glances, sad and embarrassed glances. Taking it upon myself to read those papers I picked up one and it shook me to the core.

"Tokio Hotel's Bill Kaulitz is a attention whore. How do you lie about your daddy fucking you? His sick ass probably wanted it...who wrote this shit?!" I exclaimed.

He stormed back inside and tossed his cigarette into the trash next to the couch.

"Nobody cares?! Nobody fucking cares?! You read that shit! Everyone thinks I'm some sick fuck that wanted my dad to rape me! Watch what the fuck you say next time!"

"Bill, this is one satirical magazine. You can't judge everyone from this."

"Have you read the forums?! Have you honestly read the fucking shit those so called fans of ours posted?! Have you seen how those disgusting fucks made fucking stories from this shit?! Tom, everyone is against me! I'm done. Tell David to cancel all appearances until every person sees that this shit is not a fucking game."

He stomped upstairs and I looked at the other printed out sheets. These girls...and guys are sick. This shouldn't even be allowed and I thought twincest was as bad as it could get. Adam walked in holding a basket of laundry and he looked slightly put off. I'm guessing he ran into Bill. My gaze caught him and I returned to reading this pile of nonsense.

"What's that?"

"It's a bunch of crap. People are turning my brother's assault into sick fantasies and jokes."

"Has Bill seen this?"

"He brought it to me. He's not pleased either. He wants this to stop and he wants apologies. I'm going to call David and tell him to talk to the moderators of these sites. I'm going in person to this magazine that posted an interview with our father slandering my brother. Look, I don't like you but please make sure Bill doesn't get hurt or anything."

"Sure. It's my job and Tom I was wondering if you and I could talk."

"S--sure. I should head out. Keep this from mom and dad please. They'll freak out if they knew."

"Sure."

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This week's cutting didn't drown out my pain. I still wanted to die. They were having fun with my nightmare. I can't believe the same fans that were supposed to be so supportive were now making terrible jokes and stories about my troubles. Those media bastards I expected but not my fans. They hate me, they all hate me!