Beyond Human: Queen's Shadow Series

32.) A Sister's Obsession

~~~Apollos

As I sat in my house, holding my baby boy, I realized how big he had gotten. "Jesus Christ, you look just like Anastasia. So beautiful." It's then that he grabs my face with his small fingers and then I begin to play with him. "Nom nom nom" As he begins to giggle softly, I continue to laugh, and then at that moment, I think about Claire and then I sigh heavily.

"My son, I hope one day I can tell you what I've gone through and I hope you'll still love me after I tell you, or maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I should suffer in silence." 'Da-da' It's then in that moment, I hear him say it. He called me Dada I then I smiled. As I smile, I hold him tightly. "My little prince."

As I hear the door open and close, I compose myself. I wasn't crying but I was visually shaken up. I wish I could cry, though so I could feel something other than this unending anger yet that's all I feel. All I feel is anger, for not being a good husband, for not being able to help those children, anger at my goddamn self for being so weak.

'Apollos, are you in here?' I open my mouth and then say, "Yes, Priscilla. I'm here. What's wrong?" I ask. 'Well, Mother said that she'd like to speak with you later.' "I'll be there soon then. Is there anything else?" 'Well um, nothing really. I just wanted to say I'm sorry.' "What are you sorry for now?"

'I really should have stood by you and I feel like I didn't.' "You didn't." I say to her, simply, "You want to know what I'm going to do as if I'm going to stab anyone in the back." 'I was just trying to look out for you. I was just trying to see where you were at.' "Priscilla, the one thing that I cannot stand is the fact that you, someone who has been a part of my life for the longest, accused me of being a traitor, accused me of being disloyal. When my family died, I had nothing, Priscilla, nothing, and yet I still fought forward. When all of my children were removed from this world, I still stood by my mother. I didn't blame her for every damn thing that happened but yet here you are, feeling guilty for questioning my loyalty. Does anyone even know what you've done? All the men you've killed? Does anyone even know what you're capable of?"

It's then that there's a wave of deep anger in her eyes as she says, 'You are such a child. Do you honestly think you can blackmail me? If you honestly think I'm going to keep apologizing to you,' "I don't have any intention of dealing with you right now. I asked you not to do that and I told you what was going to happen. I can not trust you if you're going to test my loyalty and authority. If you truly think I'm a traitor, then you can stand against me but don't expect me to show you mercy. You've questioned my loyalty one too many times and I don't care if I'm a child to you but at least I'm an adult." I felt myself sink low when I said that to her.

It's then that her eyes turn from utter shock to anger, deep anger I haven't seen in a while. It was an insecurity that she had but I used it to my advantage but Priscilla clearly was reporting back to Mom about my actions. She was clearly worried about something and it was clear that I had upset her. I knew she was talking to mother and I knew that Mother was clearly worried about something. Zamiel had a deep influence on me and that's something I had to understand. I also had to understand if I needed to be prepared to defend myself.

Priscilla needs to understand that if she's standing with me, she needs to be able to lie to the queen, she needs to be able to lie to her mother. If she can't understand this, we will forever be at odds. I don't want to force her to pick but the problem is she's putting me in a lot of dangerous situations by questioning my loyalty or by coming along with me to Europe. There was no reason for her to come but yet she found a reason to come. It doesn't matter if she sees me as her brother or not, it matters that she understands that I will not allow her to be close to me so that I can get stabbed in my back by my own sibling. She will be the first to answer the call and she would be the first to stop me, that reason is undeniable.