Chapter eight

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It never fails. Every Thanksgiving, you post the Happy Happy Turkey Day song from Addams

Family Values on your social media pages. Every year, the song fights it out in your head for

supremacy over Adam Sandler's The Thanksgiving Song. And this year, celebrating Thanskgiving

with Karen, her daughter, her husband, and a pair of your other orphaned mutual friends in

California, a short video of you teaching Karen's 8 year old to sing with you, as you basted the

turkey, was an Internet sensation among your friends.

"Ready? Okay, and-" you whispered before you coaxed her into it.

"Eat me!" little Sophie yelled.

"Sautéed or barbecued," you sang and smiled, pushing the bird back into the oven.

"Eat me!"

"We once were pets, but now we're food," you went on.

"We won't stay fresh for very long," Sophie chimed in with you, while Karen's hubby, Allen,

snickered in the background as he made the video. "So eat us before we finish this song."

The video abruptly ended when Karen came in asking if Sophie had just yelled "eat me" and your

face went from 0 to guilty in .009 seconds. It was one of the highlights of a wonderful day with

friends in lieu of too far away family. Your inner child was happily coloring hand turkeys with

Sophie on the living room coffee table, with the Packers-Bears game on while everyone digested,

when your phone chimed. Putting aside your colored pencil, you smiled at the scolding message.

Flip Cup Hero: Shame on you. How old is that kid? What are you teaching her?

You: She's 8. She's gonna be just fine

You: Gotta raise 'em right

Flip Cup Hero: Ha!

Flip Cup Hero: You've got issues. It's a good song tho

You: Tis a fine holiday standard

Flip Cup Hero: Happy Thanskgiving

You: Happy Turkey Day to you and yours!

Flip Cup Hero: What are you doing? Eat yet?

You: OMG ate too much!! Sitting on the floor coloring and watching football

Flip Cup Hero: The Pats aren't playing. What r u watching that shit for?

You: Not everyone's life revolves around the patriots

Flip Cup Hero: The Patriots. Capital Letters. Show some respect

You: Wowww 0_o

You: You need an intervention

Flip Cup Hero: You have no idea

Flip Cup Hero: I'll take you to a Pats game and make you a believer

You: Pats game? Add it to the list, bub. You still owe me that cannoli

Flip Cup Hero: I'm gonna take the high road and ignore how bad that sounds and just tell you you

need to come to Boston

Good lord, woman! Think before you send.

You: And you say I have issues?? Gutter dweller

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