𝟎𝟓.𝟎𝟏 𝑨𝑴 [𝑻.𝑺𝑨𝑻𝑶𝑹𝑰]

eighteen.

'𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍'
-suspicion

*•.¸♡¸.•*

i used to do that with toshi all the time!

sometimes regret is a very common feeling. you would meet regret during grief. you would meet regret after loving. meet regret after losing.

whatever the case may be, regret is a haunting creature. regret eats on tears and headaches, regret, well, it's a common feeling. you were no stranger to said regret. neither was tendou. tendou has things he wishes he did in highschool. things he wishes he would start working on now.

"i always wanted to work in a french bakery." hearing you chuckle, he looks at you. his eyes were big and doe, stared at you with nothing but admiration. "what's so funny? don't think a chocolatier will suit me?" he asks smug, face inching closer to your warm one.

"no, oh my, no, that's not the case at all." you inhale as the smile on your face never dares to leave.

"then what is it?" his hand lifts your chin to meet your eyes. "what's so funny?"

"it's perfect for you." you inch closer to him. "maybe a little too perfect." you're surprised, meeting his jolt as he quickly stands up and straightens up in a dramatic manner.

"what's that supposed to mean?" he glares jokingly. you chuckle again. i will never not laugh with him.

"your eyes have always reminded me of red velvet anyway." you stand up, walking towards the apartment. he quickly follows your figure.

you've been spending more of your time at tendou's place now. it's been what? 2 months? 3 months? since your encounter and a coffee disaster? who the hell was counting anyway? tendou. he was. it's been 6 months and 8 days since that coffee disaster. time is more relevant to tendou as you came in the picture.

suddenly, it started to matter when the sun was going down. it mattered when the sun was peeking a bit. it mattered when the sun would be out and the sky would be blue, the clouds weren't that many.

he felt time move. with you. maybe he was savoring moments. maybe he was saving precious time. maybe he cared when you should go to bed, when you both should go out and have fun, when lunch was. maybe things did matter.

or maybe they didn't. and loving wasn't for tendou satori.

maybe love is indeed overrated. maybe he didn't deserve this, maybe you need more, maybe you needed more.

maybe.

it's always maybe for tendou. he was never sure of anything in his life. and for the first time in weeks, months, hours, he wasn't even sure about you.

tendou would feel a gear shift. he would panic when it wouldn't click back in place. he would cower away when it didn't go as planned. he would cry if his head kept talking to him. you would help of course. with your caring demeanor, your selfless acts. he would think this is too much for you.

you saw him once.

relapsing.

he was sure it was a disgusting sight. you must hate him. it's something he will always go back to. something, the only thing, that would help him. you were nothing compared to the things he digested into his system. you knew that.

it hurt, and it scarred. but you managed to shrug it off like another tuesday and continue your priority. tendou satori.

"satori?" you clear the air. naked bodies on spread out white sheets and a queen sized bed, more than enough for the both of you to breathe properly.

"yes?"

"have you ever been in love before?"

"yes."

"what was that like?"

"it was free. fulfilling. it felt right." he looks at you, smiling.

"what do we feel like?"

"we're. chaotic. we're... different." he adjusts to feel the slightest bit more comfortable. he looks at you again and sees your eyebrows furrowed. "what? was that not the right answer?"

"no. i'm just- then..." you shift. "do we not feel like love to you?"

his throat got stuck. he did love you. so much. neither of you had the courage to say it to each other over these few months.

"i'm sorry, it is too fast anyway-"

"we are love." he looks at you. after what felt like centuries of silence, he confessed. "we are, different. but we're still love."

"that's more than enough satori."

everything felt complete. his heart felt new. though, his brain, felt different. it felt heavy, maybe a little dizzy. something didn't feel right but it was most definitely not you. it was confirmed once you spoke.

"who was your first love?"

"it doesn't matter."

"why?" maybe it was because he's with you now. it shouldn't matter who, because he was yours and you were his.

"i wasn't his. i never was. i don't think i ever will be."

maybe he shouldn't have spoke.

maybe he should've used his head before he spoke. he would if it didn't start to hurt again.

for he regretted words. tendou regrets loving, and regrets everything that has to do with love. for the tattoo on his hip would be more prominent and on some days, would sting. as if now, it was punishing him for fucking up for the hundreth time.

maybe tendou was in love.

and maybe it wasn't with you.

♡

short chapter! would like to publicly apologize for the lack of updates, stuff's been super busy and hectic, but [spoiler alert];

we're coming close to an ending, see ya soon! <3