Forbidden (18+ Only)

Torment.

Veronica

I looked at the sky outside the window, the stars had covered it even though the night hadn't fully started yet. I grabbed my keys from the drawer and took my purse before I headed out of the apartment.

It had been nearly four days that I has been ignoring Alexander. I had taken the liberty to answer Daisy's calls but didn't reply to any of the messages from the man whose thoughts had taken away the sleep of my nights, let alone answering his calls.

There were plenty of chances that he'd show up at my apartment but since I remained outside for most of the day, even if he had come, he wouldn't have found me. The conclusion of, I wanted to avoid meeting if specified then only that one person in particular.

I took a cab to the restaurant I was heading to. I didn't cook for myself today and the grumbling of my stomach wasn't giving me the best times, so staying without delivering anything to the monster growling inside of my stomach was not an option.

As I reached the place, I handed the bill to the driver and went inside.

The restaurant seemed full of people, I got to thank my luck that I found a vacant spot for myself. It was odd that except for a few students everyone here seemed to have come with their family. Or maybe it looked weird to me because I didn't have a family.

"Your order please, Mam," A beautiful waitress stood beside the table, her blonde hair was styled into a bun and her lips parted as a smile made its way lifting his cheekbones.

"Umm...I'd like to take the Beer and Brown Sugar Kielbasa & Sauerkraut, with mashed potatoes and sour cream on the side." I responded.

"Okay, Mam. Anything else?"

"No, that'll be it. Thank you," I offered her a smile which she gladly returned.

"Okay, I'll be right back with your order." With that, she left.

A message popped on the plain screen of my phone. I glanced at the message.

"Veronica, where are you?" It was from Alex.

I lowly sighed and decided to avoid replying like I had been doing these past few days. I don't know why but it didn't feel good intentionally ignoring him but in reality, even I didn't know why I was ignoring him.

Before I could put my phone down another message popped on the screen.

"What are you trying to do by ignoring me? Do you think avoiding is the only solution? I know you can see my messages so just stop your bloody tantrum and respond."

I bit my bottom lip, my fingers tried moving to type a message but I quickly refrained myself and set the phone down. The constant urge to respond to his messages started bugging me.

"Mam, here's your order." Thankfully the waitress appeared with the food and set it on the table, "Enjoy your meal."

"Thanks,"

I ignored the even glancing at the few more messages that had been sent by Alex. I silently poured my attention to the food and bit back the stupid want to reply to him. I didn't want to see him or talk to him and I didn't know why. It was just a sudden weird decision I thought would be good for me.

The time passed soon as I found myself exiting the restaurant. The unusual feeling in the pit of my stomach had nothing to do with the amount of food I had eaten.

I stood at the corner of the concrete pathway and before I even knew it, I was getting my phone and opening Alex's message.

Three messages.

"So you're going to behave like a brat?" was sent fifteen minutes ago.

"I'm giving you one last chance to respond before I come to your apartment. And I will break the door if you don't open it." thirteen minutes ago.

"Fine, I'm coming to your apartment. Remember you brought this to yourself." Ten minutes ago.

I swallowed as I read the messages. I didn't have any other places to go, and I didn't want to go to Daisy's house because I hadn't been talking to her nicely since that incident.

Could he really show up at this hour? He couldn't act so deranged, could he?

As I was debating what to do, standing at the corner. A sudden familiar voice I hadn't heard for years came floating into my ear. The laughter of two very familiar people but the mere difference was there was a giggle of a boy too.

My eyes shot to spot them walking outside the mall at the opposite, their hands holding bags and eyes shining in happiness as they looked at the boy who seemed to be jumping in excitement.

The extremely cold feeling coated my insides. My eyes widened in surprise and my breathing got caught in my throat. My phone dropped from my hand and that went unnoticed by them because of the distance between us and the long rows of cars that'd separated me from their view.

The tears filled my eyes without letting me know about it. The pang of pain hit inside my chest, the painful knot gathered middle of my throat fighting to get out.

The first tear slid down as I watched my mom leaning in and kissing the boy's cheeks. The happiness on my parent's faces was something I had never experienced the nine years I had got to spend with them or before they abandoned me.

My hand flew to my mouth to stop the sob that might rip through any moment.

It was more than twelve years I got to see them. The awful feeling of not being wanted I felt after being abandoned by them returned, this time more intense and powerful. The undeniable reality that my own parents didn't want me struck me like a speeding truck.

They're unfair treatment towards me, every time any of them would shout at me or lock me in the room and finally when they left me on the bridge and never came back all those moments played in front of my eyes like a movie. I couldn't breathe.

The love in their eyes for the child I had always tried to find for myself. The suffocation the remembrance of those horrible moments came swashing in my mind like a frantic wave. I couldn't separate but perceive myself from falling into the darkness again.

"Momma, I want that," The little boy pointed to the guy selling cotton candies and jumped up and down in his childlike enthusiasm.

"Sure my baby, come let's get that for you," I heard her reply.

I took a few steps backward and my back hit the wall of the building. My hands shook, my legs felt weak, each breath groped like needles pinching deep inside my skin. It felt as if standing there and watching them for one more moment would crush me into pieces.

The next thing I could realize myself doing was hastily picking up my phone and running away from that place. I hurriedly called a cab and without thinking about anything headed for the apartment. All the other thoughts had left my mind except for the ones that tormented me.

I furiously wiped my tears trying to stop myself from showing any weakness even to myself. It was the strange silence that engulfed me in the loud chaos of my burdening memories. It was the frigid feeling that burned me from the depth.

It was the harsh rejection I've got every time I tried to love, every time expected to be loved, that made me afraid of love.