Just Let Go (Harry Styles)

Chapter Thirty-Four - Half a Heart

I cred on my flight until I had fallen asleep. When the plane left the ground in London, I felt a piece of me get left behind. A part of my soul had stayed with Harry in London. I felt so incomplete and empty without him near me, but I had to have known this was the worst case scenario. What was I hoping for when I decided to do this stupid plan in the beginning? I clearly had no plan past getting to London. This whole idea had been a disaster before it had even began and it didn't take me until now to realize that it would have never worked out.

My thoughts had turned to Harry, which where they would remain the rest of the flight. He must feel so betrayed right now. I wonder if he thinks that our love was false or that his feelings were lies. Even if he did, at least I knew that my love was real. I tried to let go, to tell him the truth, but in the end; it was my own stubbornness that caused this chain reaction.

***

When I got home to my apartment, Jennifer was waiting for me inside. I was surprised to see her so soon and especially in my apartment. "I found the spare." She told me when I caught sight of her, but she quickly moved on after saying this. "I saw the article, Kristen. I can't believe you would do something like this. Camera men are everywhere, did you know that?" Her voice was spoken at a normal tone, but it still had a slight edge to it. I truly felt like an employee getting reprimanded by the boss. I looked down at the floor, too ashamed to look at her in the eyes. I knew they were everywhere, and I knew for the next few weeks that I would be all people would talk about.

"Because of that," Jennifer spoke again when I had not answered. "I am giving you a break from work for a few weeks." I knew this was coming, there was no denying it. I was in the spotlight and Jennifer didn't want her personal life infiltrated either. I nodded my understanding at the same time Jennifer got up to leave.

"Did you fall in love with him?" She spoke in almost a whisper as she passed me in the doorway. Of course I loved him. Harry was my everything, the light in my life. The air that I breath. The rain in my desert and now, I could never touch him again like I had been doing just the morning before all hell broke loose.

"Yes." I said. My voice quivering as I tried to contain my tears.

Jennifer took a deep breath and then said to me almost like a teacher to her student. "Never fall in love with the job. That is the first rule of being an escort." My tears started to fall and Jennifer patted my back a few times in comfort before she took her leave and left my apartment. I felt so alone. This was the loneliest I have ever felt in my life. I made my way to the nearest corner of the wall, I slide down the wall and pulled my legs up to my chest, hiding my face in my knees and let the tears begin again that I thought had run drain on the flight.

* * *

The next few weeks were a blur. I hardly ever went out, and when I did, people were always looking at me or a camera men would jump out to snap a picture. Because of that, I stopped going out all together and lived has a hermit in my apartment. Closed off from the outside world, my television being the only connection. Harry and I was all the celeb news, so I decided to dust off some old VHS tapes and Potatoe out on the couch. I watched the complete series of Anne of Green Gables in a day. But, watching the love develop between Anne and Gilbert made my heart hurt, for it reminded me of Harry. In the evenings, I would curl up into bed and miss Harry's arms encircling me. Tears would start before I could even think about stopping them and I would cry until I feel asleep.

And that was my life. Cry, sleep, wakeup, and repeat. My senses became dull. My whole existence in this life became dull. Without Harry, what was the point of ever leaving this apartment again?