Life Is Not A Fairytale (ON HOLD)

Chapter Two

Chapter Two

It has been hours since I texted Bailey

'What do you mean you can't take it? You're just weak!'

She responded with a 'K' and to be fucking honest I don't even know what got into me? I mean I understood what she meant and what she is going through and what I told her is not true. I guess it kinda pissed me off that she wasn't there all the time. I need to go to school alone most of the time and i'm still kind of angry at the fact that when I broke down at midnight and she was the first I trusted, she just told me I was over reacting.

Of course I wanted to say

"I'm sorry I never meant that."

But.. I can't. I'm someone that feels 'weak' when they say sorry and that's the weird thing. I say sorry all the time. But just to be excused, not to end a fight. I don't even know what to do.nEverything is going through my mind and i'm thinking about nothing but still about everything. I've been having this a lot lately and I don't know or it's because i'm recovering or because i'm getting closer to a break down. All I know is that it sucks to feel this way and that I don't want to feel this way. It's not that I was furious at myself or very sad or something.. I just felt neutral.. I felt nothing actually.

Right then the front door opened and my mon walked in as I was in my room.

"I'm home!" My mom half shouted.

I could hear she had done grocery shopping by all the plastic bags.

"I know.." I'd say.

She entered the hallway and went to the kitchen to place all the bags on the counter. I could hear her walk to the bathroom. I stood up from my bed and decided to grab a book of my book shelf.

My room was pretty average, I'd like a bigger one though. I have a bunk bed since I can't have a kingsized bed, And my mom finds it easier when there's a sleep over. It's at the left side against the wall when you walk into the room; as well you can see the tv when you do. The door is at the right side where the wall starts. Next to the tv there's my closet with two doors and some drawers. Upside of the closed, at the end of the bed, you have my desk with a bottle which says 'Concert Tickets' I have like £124 by now and that's enough for a concert ticket. The only problem is that there is no freaking concert at the moment!

I had a small box kind of thing with books and journals in it. Next to it there was a small little drawer thingy where I kept my bracelets and necklaces. Above my desk I had the book shelf which wasn't enough since I had that box for the rest.

I got back into bed and started reading the book. I had read every book I have already twice by now and this was actually the sixth time of this book. 'Suicide Notes' it was a book about a boy ending up in a mental hospital after he tried committing suicide and slit his wrist on new years eve. It was so real and everything happened out of a sudden. And I kind of loved the fact that it brought awareness to the fact that boys could be depressed too, I hate the view people have about men. Yes, they are tough and strong but they have a heart and soul as well and should be treated like human being and not being called a 'fag' as soon as they break from all the pressure.

I woke up the next morning pretty early.

It was only 05:13, three quarters too early but who cares; I had this more ofter. I stayed in bed for like 15 minutes. I just scrolled through my Twitter feed which was full of Ectiono 5 of course. It was mostly about how good their concert was last night and a lot of people talked about how Mike screamed,

"I can feel you touching even when you're far away from me"

and how hot it was as he jumped while playing every chord perfectly; yes the instrumental part of the band sometimes sings as well. Since they were a band too, but Lucas was the lead singer in 8HBF (8 Hours Before Fall)