Life Is Not A Fairytale (ON HOLD)

Chapter Five

Chapter Five



I got back home around 20:00 and immediately put on my pajama's. Sue and I went past the carwash to get the alcohol smell out of the car. It was on my cost since it's actually my fault. It took £16,- so not that much went of my money. I had money apart for concerts and money apart for daily use. I didn't have a job but it's from my dad and step siblings but that is another long story I'd rather not talk about right now.
My mom was out jogging again so I was home alone for a couple moments, she can come home any second actually. She left a meal on the kitchen counter for me. I took it and went to my room. I had not much homework. Just some physiology and a project I had to finish in a week, I started it two weeks ago and it's for psychology. You have to put yourself in a situation where everything feels worthless and see what you'd want others to do to help you. This was pretty easy for me since I don't have to put myself in a situation where everything is worthless, I'm already in it! I had to get a whole documentary and talk about it and what I have learned about it and what I would do if I was the person in it. I had to do some of therapy counseling as well but it was only about giving tips and stuff.


My phone buzzed as I was making the tasks and listening to The Fray. I looked at my screen and it said that Anne had texted me.

'Hey.. I've just woken up, I saw the letter.'

I started typing right away.

'How are you feeling?'

I tapped send and she was already typing before I was even finished. After a moment a messaged popped up again.

'Can you come over tomorrow again? I know it's hard with traffic and trains and stuff but I really need you. Danielle is coming as well but one person may not be enough. I'm begging.'

I thought of what To say back.. I had enough money.. I started typing back

'I think I can come.. But I'm gonna be there around twelve and need to leave around 18:00'

I send the message and waited for her reply. I heard the front door open as I knew my mom was home.

'Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then. I have to sleep now, they want all the patients to have a good night rest. I love you! Byeee xxx'

Appeared on my screen after a few seconds.

'Byeeee love you too! Stay strong xxx'

I typed back.
I locked my phone and continued homework.

"Hey, how late did you got home?" My mom entered the room.

I turned myself to the door to face her

"around a half an hour ago.." I told her placing my pen on the paper.

"Okay.." She was just about to exit the room but I stood up

"wait." I walked towards her "I need a hug." I spread my arms and wrapped them around her as I returned the hug from her I rested my head on her chest.

"I love you." She said just before I let go

"I love you too."

She exited the room with a smile which I was happy about, even though my mom can be a pain in the ass she's still my mom and I sometimes can say I hate her but that is something all teenagers do. I had a strange relationship with my mom full of love and hate. I couldn't explain, you'd simply just wouldn't get it.

I sat back at my desk to finish the last bit of homework. I closed my books left with thoughts who started to run through my mind just as if they were saying

"let's see who breaks her first!"

I was thinking to much to even know what I was thinking about, school, friends, family, myself, hatred, being invisible but still feel selfish for feeling it. My nose started tickeling again. It was the thought of invisibility which broke me. The tears start streaming down my cheeks

"damn it!'' I half shouted not wanting my mom to hear me. "I'm so fucking happy.. Can't you see the joy in my eyes!? It's so beautiful isn't it? The red waterfall streaming down my wrists?" I was talking to myself again as my nails dugged into the flesh of my wrist. It felt good, but I knew it was wrong. My body ignored it as I grabbed a small can I hid in my drawer it was full of blades. Sharpeners, shavers, a piece of sharp glass. I grabbed one of the sharpeners and rested it on my wrist. I wanted to but I couldn't.. This was for no good right? But fuck that.. Right? I placed the blade on the table as I continued filling the room with my not so loud sobs.

"I'm so done..." My voice small and fragile.

























I woke up with once again a tear-stained face. I made my way to the bed last night and continued my sobbing there. I left the small light on, stood up and turned it off. I made my way to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, I had black circles around my eyes and I was pale.
I washed my face and fixed my hair. I slept in with clothes so why not just wear them again. I put on some make-up to hide my tired face under. I rolled my sleeves up feeling a painful sting in my wrist. I moaned in pain looking down at them kind of surprised at the red lines all over them.

I totally forgot I had done it and the ithought to myself,

"Well.. Depression makes you forget things easily"

I washed my hands together with my blood stained wrists, softly and careful. I exited the bathroom and entered my room, walked to my closet.

''And then thirtynine dropped to zero'' I said as I erased all the lines of the paper.

I could smell the blood from my wrist and it turned me anxious very fast. This couldn't be happening. I promised Anne, I promised! I also shouldn't be freaking out it'll only make it worse. I grabbed my phone but my grip was not good enough making it fall to the floor.

"Fuck!!" I screamed.

I bent down and picked it up. I turned it around only to see my worst nightmare, the damn back is cracked all over.

"Fuck, shit, no!" I said to myself "not this too!" It was morning and I was already screaming.

My phone crashed and turned itself off. I tried to put it back on and in my luck the screen lights up, yes. I unlocked my SIM and everything still worked, touch, sound, tapping, home button, on/off button, volume buttons. Everything was doing it perfectly. But my backside was still cracked. This has to go off of my money..

I sighed to myself. This is just a perfect morning, dear God give me more of this kind of luck thank you. I thought sarcastically to myself. I grabbed one of my cases which I actually never use,which is dumb!

I put it on just to protect it again and so my mom won't find out. I'll get it fixed in Cambridge I guess. My mom really is not supposed to discover this. She'll kill me and it's going just so good lately.
I made my two hour way to Cambridge and got to the hospital. I hate the thought of going here for someone I care, they shouldn't be in here. The only reason I want to go to the hospital for a friend of mine is if they're getting a child. Not because they have a mental illness.

I made my way to Anne's room, room 71. I knocked getting an "come in" back from Anne, I entered the room to find her lay in bed with some breakfast.

"Hey.." I said quietly.

"Danielle will be here in a few minutes. She had to wait for her mom to be done with something." She told me as I sat down next to the bed.

"So.. How have you been doing?" I asked.

She looked at the ceiling.
"Uhm.. I uh, it's on and off but I can handle it. How about you?" She reminded me of what I 'discovered' this morning of what happened last night and a fake smile speared on my face.

"I'm doing just fine, thanks for asking." The manipulated smile still on my face.

"This place is a hell hole, they force me to eat all three meals in a matter of thirtyfive minutes and if I don't I'll be tested and shit. Also I need to sleep at ten, take at least a one hour nap per day and tests three days a week. I have been here only two days and they already told me what kind of shit I have to go through to get better" she was complaining and it was okay, she was aloud to.

Mostly people find it annoying but I don't. She has been through a lot and complaining is aloud.

"But enough about me, I'm being selfish. How was it at Tommy last night?" She asked and I didn't know how she knew.

"How'd you?" I asked making her laugh a little bit.

"We texted silly."

"We just talked about stuff and watched The Ninja Turtles.. Not much happened." I told her.

"Nice.." She shortly answered.

It was quiet and I died to ask her how long she had to stay here scared for her answer.

"How long till you're released from this place?" I found myself say.

"Believe me, if I knew I'd tell you. I asked multiple times but they're not 'aloud' to say anything about my release.." She was upset and scared I could tell. Her eyes reflected fear and it hurt me that she was this hurt and I couldn't do anything about it.

She took small bites of her breakfast as we sat in silents, not an awkward one, a good one actually. The door opened and a woman in a uniform walked it.

"The thirtyfive minutes are over." She said as she looked at the plate, I did the same and it was halfempty. I looked up to see a disappointed look on the uniformed lady's face.

She lift up the plate off her lap together with the empty glass on the table next to the bed.

"You know you have to finish lunch right?" She said heading to the door.

"Yes ma'am.." Anne pulled an annoyed face at the fact she was turned around anyway.
The woman exited the room as Anne turned to me.

"Anyways..." She said placing a small smile on her face.

It still was silent and this was the awkward kind. The door once again opened and a blonde haired, blue eyed Danielle walked in with a small smile on her face.

"Hey.." She waved her hand.
"Danielle." Anne light up as Danielle walked in for a hug.

"How are you?" She asked as Anne mumbled a small

"fine.. I guess" it wasn't the truth,

It  never was.