Tics and Scratches

Chapter 20

The phantom sensation of hands skimming Bakugo's body still hadn't left him even once he had left Kirishima's house. They were like ghosts, becoming all too real whenever someone brushed against him, his heart rate spiking dramatically every time in response. It had barely been an hour before the huddle of bodies around him had began to feel suffocating. The stifling heat and lingering contact became almost unbearable far too quickly and, somewhat unusually, Bakugo instantly recognised his limit. He had been quite proud of himself as he shuffled onto the floor, instantly feeling just a little bit of relief that made all the difference to his mood. But that hadn't helped ease the guilt that lined his stomach when he saw the smallest ounce of sadness flash across his friends faces as he moved out of reach. At least he had somewhat explained himself, revealing that he was struggling to not tic and would rather avoid accidentally "smacking the shit" out of them. He hadn't been far off of the truth, but the way Kirishima's eyes strayed to Katsuki's shaking hands revealed how obvious it was that he hadn't been completely honest.

When it had been time to leave, he had initially been glad. There was only so much 'cuddling' he could handle, he hadn't completely changed after all. Both Sero and Kirishima had offered to give him a lift back to where he was staying, which he had obviously denied. He only realised how naive he had been when he was barely 5 minutes into the walk back home, noticing how violently his body was shaking. Wiping the quickly accumulating sweat off of his hands and onto his jeans he unceremoniously whipped his head around to look down the dark street  that carried on infinitely behind him. But he couldn't see much except the pavement just below him and the weeds that burst through its cracks. He hadn't realised how quickly it was going to get dark, or how much that would effect him. He wasn't sure why images of that night underneath the bridge were haunting him now, he had survived a good few months barely even thinking about it. He tried to reason to himself that there was no need to be hung up about it, nothing had even happened. But he barely thought about what he was doing when he broke into a run, feet pounding rhythmically against the floor desperately trying to stamp down his own paranoia. He tried not to obsessively check over his shoulder, but he still startled at every shadow. He passed a few bridges, running a little faster each time in response to the way his stomach dropped to his feet. He was trying to be careful with his tics, attempting to suppress anything that would draw attention to him, but his energy was so consumed with running. He was only able to wince whenever they echoed through the night that hung around him.

Somehow, despite everything his brain was telling him and every shadow that menacingly creeped around him, he made it back to the small tucked away house with absolutely zero problems. He was still out of breath, with his emotions pulled taught when he yanked open the door. But the open arms that welcomed him immediately washed away the unreasonable thoughts and ideas that his brain was so cleverly concocting . Of course, the hot chocolate and cookies he was handed helped with that. 

Before long he was settling into bed with a grateful sigh, stomach warm with food and familiarity. In all honesty, laying in a bedroom just down the hall from his teachers' felt like a dream to Katsuki. One that he could wake up from any minute leaving him with a heart full of loss and grief. Everything around him felt different, leaving a constant sense of uncertainty rumbling around inside of him, yet somehow he still felt the happiest he had in years. Maybe he really could begin to move on from everything that had happened. With just a little bit of help this time.

*****

It was mere hours before his unusually positive attitude had been squashed, throwing his mind back into turmoil. He woke up when it was still dark, just like every other night he had spent in this house. He would've been fine, he was getting used to waking up with his heart racing and his palms sweating and could calm himself down pretty quickly. But almost as if the world was playing some sick joke on him, this time he remembered everything. The images of the dingy villains base shone crystal clear in his mind as his stomach twisted in on itself, nausea zapping sharply through his body. It was almost like Dabi was there with him, hand clasped tightly around his neck again. Burning.