The Boy I Married [hold]

21| Promise of Abstinence

I'm greeted home with slobbery kisses and enthusiasm until I realize the house only belongs to the dog and me tonight. Though the empty house was the last bit of evidence I needed considering I hadn't noticed my parent's car in the lot on the way in. It isn't long until something more interesting catches the dog's attention and he leaves me to find entertainment on my own.

There's no point in calling Mom or Dad about their whereabouts because on the kitchen counter lies a note explaining their need for a night out along with some cash for me to order takeout.

Before the food arrives, I rinse the day away with a warm shower; lathering my body in lotion and rose oil in case my husband decided to extend his stay once he's made it over. During our many nights in Barbados, I picked up a few mildly scandalous pieces of lingerie that he never got the chance to see before things turned sour between us.

Justin arrives shortly after I've dressed in a white lace nightgown and a silk robe and made myself comfortable on the balcony with a glass of sparkling cider and the empty platter of what used to hold sushi. He joins me in the empty seat beside me before sighing defeated. It could only mean the conversation with his mother might not have been as easy as he expected it to be. At least for me, I'd still been regretting my bouts of honesty, but I know that it needed to be done and hopefully, he felt the same. For the sake of our marriage and the commitment, we both swore to.

"Tough night?" I ask, passing him my glass of cider. He furrows a brow until he's realized it's not wine. He takes a swig of it before passing it back, sliding down the chair.

"Turns out mom's more upset with me than she is with you. Not that I was expecting her to take a side or anything. I know I've fucked up when Mom can't look me in the eyes. Might be spending a few nights in a hotel until things smooth over," Justin scoffs. "She said she has never been more disappointed in me."

Although hearing him say that undoubtedly lifted a weight off my shoulders that I'd never own up to, I doubt Pattie was less upset with me than she was with Justin. Despite how I felt about what Justin had done and his victim mentality, it still didn't justify my act of infidelity. I hadn't known about the vasectomy when I cheated—even before I found out I was pregnant. He had every right to be upset with me and upset at the fact that his mom did practically take my side. She wasn't happy with me after our conversation, but she never said she was disappointed in me.

Either way, her reaction didn't make my mind terrorize me with guilt any less. Sometimes even looking at Justin made my stomach turn. To betray that trust between us by cheating on him? It seemed irredeemable. Pattie's anger—though not exactly misplaced on Justin, was both of ours to bear and I'd do whatever it took for him to realize I harbored half of the responsibility. Instead of trying to comfort him, I grab ahold of his hand and pull him into the room. The night's breeze is warm so the balcony doors remain ajar. At first glance, he appears confused. Not that he didn't have every right to be because he and I hadn't been intimate with one another since we both discovered each other's extracurricular activities outside of our marriage.

As we find ourselves on the bed, he pulls my body on top of his and lightly presses my head to his chest, and wraps his arms around my body. His heart syncopates against my ear faster than usual. For a while, my silence begs for his touch. Even as I glance up to meet his eyes, they stare deeply into mine as if we were already connected as one.

Justin doesn't attempt to touch me—any part of me and as much I as want to blame him or complain, I don't. Maybe it was for the best to hold out until there was no longer any tension between us. Or until he could finally get the thought of me sleeping with another man out of his head.

"You don't have to go to a hotel room to sleep, Justin. Despite what's going on between us, I want you to always feel comfortable turning to my parents for support. They aren't here tonight, but even after you tell them, they are still your in-laws and I doubt they'd want to see you in a hotel either."