Life Sentence

CHAPTER 6

(read with caution. Mention of suicide.)

Yusuf gripped Saad’s forearms, blocking off his blow as Saad grabbed him by the collar and slammed him into the wall. But that did nothing to stop the punch that had his vision blurring for a second and lip splitting open. He was more prepared for the second one and stopped it just time, shoving him away, making him stagger.

“Are you out of your mind?” He yelled, grabbing a tissue from his desk and pressing it on his lip. “What is wrong with you?”

Saad suddenly had all his energy drained and weariness seeped in. He took support against the wall and with his head lowered down, breathed heavily. “Do you know what she said today?” He whispered, though his voice still carried.

Yusuf stilled, no questions needed on who “she” was. He could hear the erratic thumping of his heart, the rush of blood deafening him. His tongue got heavy, unable to form any words. He waited for Saad to answer his own question, not really wanting to know but dying for a glimpse of her in his words.

“She asked me for a blade.” Saad raised his head and looked him dead in the eyes, his wish to kill him couldn’t be more clear. He pushed himself away from the wall and took a few steps towards Yusuf, getting in his face. “She asked me for a fucking blade! Do you know what that means?!”

Yusuf knew Saad wished to hurt him and hurt him he did. He’d known what he’d done, what harm he’d caused, what was going to happen to her, but in his mind, justice had been served and at that time, the close future was not the picture he saw. And he’d avoided getting any information on how she was doing for all the selfish reasons, for he knew he couldn’t function knowing how badly everything was affecting her.

But now that Saad told him that everything had pushed her to the point of wanting to kill herself? It hit him hard.

He forced his breathing to stay in check, morphing his expressions to that of neutral, not wanting to look like he was guilty or he was fishing for sympathy.

“Do that for however long you want. As much as I hate it, I’ve lived with you my entire life. I know when you’re faking it.” Saad looked at him with so much loathing on his face that he wanted to just grab anything sharp and poke it in his own eye so he wouldn’t have to see that look. “But that’s a good thing because now I know that you’re fucking miserable. And that’s the only silver lining I can see.”

This was another thing he knew he was responsible for. Pushing the kind, loving and sweet Saad to be this spiteful, vengeful man. He knew it wasn’t ever possible to undo that. He’d damaged their relationship beyond repair. And he didn’t have the courage to even try to get it back, no matter how much he missed him.

Saad went behind him and grabbed the plain, black covered sketchbook from the table and thrust it in his chest, forcing him to take it. “I hope you don’t sleep well, brother. I hope you die in your sleep!”

And he left, without making a noise.
Well, he definitely made sure of the first part of his wish himself by giving him the book.

That night, he kept struggling with himself not to open it. He didn’t want the cruel reminders of how she used to trust him and how she saw him now. So he tossed it in his cupboard, wanting to actually throw it out the window but couldn’t, so getting it out of his sight would have to suffice for now.

•~•

(Proceed at your own risk.)

“You should just end it, you know. You’re not exactly helping anyone or saving anyone’s misery by crying your life away here. They would cry for a month maybe and then move on from you. Just do it.”