Life Sentence

CHAPTER 11

Kubra twiddled her thumbs on the wooden table, feeling self-conscious under Yusuf’s unnerving gaze yet refusing to cower or to give any response to him. Well, his question was as ridiculous as himself. “How are you?” was what he had asked. What was she even supposed to say? That the only motivation to stay alive these past years was to hate you? So she said nothing.

“I’ve questioned the witness.” He started. “I’ve seen the recordings. I’ve seen the real evidence. . . And . . .”

“And you realized that you were wrong all along and I was right the whole time.” She breathed out instead of wasting her breath on him. “Just say what you’re here for, Yusuf.”

Yusuf had more or less forced her to meet him before the trial. For what? She was yet to find out. But this was the first time in four years she was seeing him without the glass between them and she felt an itch on her palm. She barely stopped herself in replacing it with the pain by slapping him.

She grew impatient and that was evident by the increased tapping of her foot against the hard floor which barely made any sound and the blood that oozed out of the corner of her nail where she had been picking at the skin.

“You’re never gonna forgive me, are you?”

She wanted to laugh. She really did. But she couldn’t, for her throat was suddenly too dry, her heartbeat a little louder and a breath a little quicker. Not because she held any feelings for him still. Okay, she did. But those were a little stronger than love. Those were of hatred.

No, but because she was suddenly transported to the time she had said the same to him a day before her trial about Wali’s murder. She wasn’t in her jail suit but a simple mint green Shalwar Kameez and he was in a similar suit except it was brown. It had been a desperate attempt on her part for her survival as well as to have a glimpse of love in his eyes they once shared.

“You’re never gonna forgive me, are you, Yusuf?” she had been pleading him with her eyes.

He had clenched his jaw and intensified the steeliness in his eyes before spatting, “No. For what you’ve done is unforgivable. You’ve taken a life. My brother’s life. And I will stop at nothing to make sure you pay for the crime and sin you’ve committed.”

“Kubra?” she gasped, forcefully taking air into her lungs, coming back to reality on Yusuf’s voice.

    “I asked you same once, do you remember?” She saw the recognition in his eyes and watched him prepare to take the brunt of what she was about to say. “You said I’d taken a life. That I didn’t deserve forgiveness. That I’d committed a sin.” She could feel needles pricking her eyes and tears forming in them. She looked up without moving her face and breathed open-mouthed. When she spoke again, her voice was trembling. “You’ve taken a life as well, Yusuf. My life. I may yet have breath in my lungs but heaven knows my soul has departed me for years.”

    “Cut the emotional crap!” screamed KB. “Just curse him and let’s go!”

    “No, you do not want to hurt him badly dear. And wishing ill on someone is not who you are,” coaxed Saddy.

    “Oh please!” KB groaned and rolled her eyes.

    She blocked both their voices, this was one of the rarest occasions that could and she felt victorious for that, and continued. . .

    “You’re guilty of all the things you once accused me of and more, Yusuf. You ruined my life. You gave more pain to my family than six generations of the world’s population combined ever could. You destroyed friendships,” she could tell that he was aware she was talking about Saad. “You made fun of love, and you juggled relations with no care in the world. Tell me, Yusuf. Do you deserve forgiveness?”