The Fear of Loneliness (Fear Series Book 1)

Chapter 16: Grief (unedited)

Ruhban stands in the falling light, staring at the closed wooden gates. With one hand clutched in his cloak over his heart, the youngest twin cannot bring himself to look away from where his brothers vanished from sight. The rest of the fort, having lost interest a long time ago, have returned to their normal duties. Only Ruhban is left, hoping desperately that two people will enter those gates unscathed.

Not long ago, roaring shook the air around the fort. The dragon prince is very much alive and apparently engaged Leonidas and Cecil in battle. The injured dragon should be no match for the two of them. Even with his incapability to kill, Leonidas is one of the most skilled people Nayanamh has ever produced. And Cecil, Cecil was the only person to have been awarded the rank of Golden General within the first month of being deployed. He killed a dragon prince, on his own, two weeks after joining the front lines. Cecil is a legend, unparalleled in skill and ambition. Every dragon he has faced, he has killed.

But with the proximity of the last roar heard, compared with the first, it sounds as if the dragon was traveling fast. Much too quickly to have been injured.

I saw that dragon go down with a bolt sticking out of his shoulder, Ruhban thinks. There should be no way he's moving quickly with a wound like that. What if there are other dragons? What if the survivors found the prince first? What if Leonidas and Cecil are facing multiple enemies? What if the prince is proficient in magic?

What if my brothers never come back.

Closing his eyes, Ruhban tightens his grip on his cloak and breathes softly, "Come back, please."

"You proved yourself a coward, a traitor, and a failure. Hopefully, that dragon will tear you into bloody ribbons before I have to kill it." Cecil's words, unexpectedly, ring in the boy's ears, and Ruhban opens his eyes again.

What happened, that Cecil would say something so vicious? Sure, Leo might have failed his mission, and sure, both brothers were disappointed, but Ruhban has never wished ill of his twin. When Cecil enlisted into the army and left his three younger siblings alone, Leonidas was the one who stepped up and took the role of protector. There is a quiet strength about Leo that Ruhban has always recognized and taken refuge in. Cecil, apparently, cannot see that. And the eldest brother was going to hit the youngest twin. He would have, had Leonidas not stepped in.

Cecil, who is Ruhban's role model, his hero, would have hit the youngest brother. Cecil did hit Leonidas. He told the eldest twin twice now, that he wished he was dead. He's been... cold.

What happened?

The warm, accepting, encouraging, loving brother that Ruhban admires seems to have changed. Leo saw it, it seems, far before Ruhban did. If Cecil had not tried to strike the youngest twin, Ruhban probably would have never even considered abandoning his stance that Cecil is the perfect brother. The hero that both Ruhban and Leonidas strove to be like. The hero that drove both boys to join the armies of Nayanamh in the first place.

We both want to be like you, Cecil. All we've ever wanted to do is live up to your name. If not for that single strike, Ruhban would have loyally taken Cecil's side against Leonidas again and again. He would have gone to Leo on his knees and begged his twin to forgive Cecil, to know that the eldest brother loved them and just wanted the best for them.

But Cecil hit Leonidas. He hit him, he hit him because Leo stopped him from hitting his twin. "Don't you dare touch him."  There was no terror or confusion in Leonidas's eyes after the incident, just a world-ending rage. The only time there was pain in that green gaze was when the boy looked at his twin.

I hurt him... I hurt him badly and I didn't even realize it.

Ruhban knew, of course, that Leonidas was angry with him. The twin had avoided Rue with a passion after the night that he almost froze to death. Ruhban just assumed it was a fight like any other, both were angry and both said things they didn't mean. No big deal, they'd both move on eventually and all would be well.