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It has been now a week since I was at Felicity‘s house. I haven’t contacted her since. My mind always tells me how I don’t need her and that I have a lot more options next to her, but my heart says otherwise. My heart tells me how I need her and how incomplete I am without her. Like always I block out everything my heart says, I don’t want to admit that I still love her. I don’t want to admit that all the cheating I did was not because of Felicity, it was because I didn’t feel like enough for her. My insecurities took over and consumed me. I wanted to show her that I don’t deserve her and that she should leave me, and well Declan helped me. He introduced Anastasia to me at a party. At first I did it only so Felicity would find someone who deserves her but it always seemed like one of us came back to the other. I can’t count on my fingers how many times I came back to her or she to me. It is a never ending cycle. But now in that cycle also others are involved. Ben and Declan call them whores but I like to call them second options. I don’t consider them as whores but more as gold diggers if they would need a brutal name.Even though Declan helped me at first to cheat on Felicity he regrets it, I mean I do too but I can’t stop anymore.
I please them they please me and everything is fine until they don’t ask for money and leave the continent most times. And then I run back to Felicity as a mess, I promise her things I am not even aware of saying and then I get her into sleeping with me. I feel relaxed after that and go out, most times go to another girls house and when I come back all Felicity and I do is arguing and guess what. We brake up again. It literally is a never ending cycle.
After I left her house last week I went to Sarah. Sarah and I met at a bar when I took her friend home before her friend told me she was a virgin so I drove her home. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with virgins but I don’t want to take it. I already took Felicity‘s virginity and she took mine, we were each others first but now she probably regrets it after all I did to her.
„Yo Mase you look mad what happened?“ Christian, my teammate, asked me as I walked into the changing room to get ready for training.
„It’s nothing.“ I mumbled under my breath. But actually it’s Sarah. The same thing happened for the third time this week with her.
„There has to be something bro, what is it tell us?“ Ben encouraged me to tell him. Ben is the only person beside Declan that I absolutely trust so I tell him everything, while the others from the team only know what the media says. I shook my head signaling him I would tell him when we’re alone because Christian doesn’t need to know. It was silent and Christian went out and told us to get ready faster because if we don’t we’ll be late.
„It’s just Sarah.“ I told Ben.
„Sarah? Another one of your whores? Really Mason? How often do I have to tell you that you need to stop doing that and cut all those girls off. You literally have the most incredible girl in front of your fucking nose and she always forgives you and you always mess up.“ he was obviously talking about Felicity. He is right but I just can’t my mind doesn’t let me.
„It’s not as easy. And yeah to answer your question, Sarah is another of my second options. After I was at Felicity‘s I went to hers and we fucked. Then she asked me for money because apparently she needs it and I gave it to her, yesterday she asked me for the third time this week I gave it to her and she left but put a note on my nightstand in which she told me that she left to Australia to her boyfriend who just got out of prison and we won’t ever hear again from each other because she blocked me.“
„And let me guess now you will run to Felicity’s and cry to her about it, sell her some poor lies, fuck her, and brake the fixed relationship again.“
„What else am I supposed to do Ben? I have nobody other than her. Declan always just yells at me, my family, hell if my family knew I would be dead in a second, and you, well you give me always these talks.“ I mumbled the last part because I didn’t really want him to hear it, he would give me just another of these talks.
„I don’t know what you think you’re doing but I think you should calm down and settle down with Felicity. She is an amazing and stunning girl that actually wants to put up with your grumpy, rusty and cheating ass. Those other girls only use you Mase, they use you for your apparently magic dick and your money, did Felicity ever use you? Think about it bro.“ and with that he left the changing room. I was left alone thinking about what Ben told me.
———- A/N TWO UPDATES IN A DAY? I think the fuck yes Do you like the Mason point of view and should I add it more often or leave it in Felicity’s?
