Heterochromic Haze

15- Vice

After a particularly grim modelling session which ended up lasting several hours longer than I said it would, I feel like I should probably make it up to Everett.

He's stretching his arms, rolling his neck as he bobs his head to the music and I smile.

"Come out with me." I say suddenly and he looks at me.

"What?" He asks and I nod.

"You've been sitting still for hours. Come out with me. There's a party on the quad tonight." I say and he scrunches his nose.

"I'd rather go to bed." He says and I snort, rolling my eyes.

"Of course you would. Loosen up, you'll have fun with me." I say, winking at him and he huffs.

"Fine." He mutters.

I change my trousers for black skinny jeans, the pockets embroidered from a long ago sewing lesson. I roll my sleeves up, not bothering to change my shirt.

"Alright, lets go." I murmur, holding the door open for him.

We walk to the quad together, our knuckles brushing against each other with every step as we make our way through the shadows of our campus.

I spot Amelie quickly, a girl who, to me, represents nothing but a downward spiral.

"Keep me away from her." I murmur and Everett frowns.

"Why?" He asks and I hum gently, not particularly wanting to share my bad habits.

Everett seems, largely, to accept me; faults be damned, but I don't want to push my luck.

"I made a promise to Amyas." I say and this seems to be enough for him.

I grab two beers, offering one to Everett and he grabs it happily, swigging it and I swear I've never seen anything sexier.

James claps me on the back from behind and I grin, introducing him to Everett.

"James is in our art class." I explain and Everett nods, shaking his hand.

"There's the slut." A voice chirps and I roll my eyes.

"Hello Marie, how are you today?" I say pleasantly and she wrinkles her face at me.

"Who's this?" She asks, her eyes scanning up and down Everett's body.

And she has the audacity to call me the slut?

"This is Everett, Amyas' brother." I say and he nods at Marie.

"I'm sitting for Ledger's current project." He adds and I sigh, closing my eyes.

Marie snorts unattractively.

"So this is your next one?" She says to me and I narrow my eyes. She turns to Everett, a triumphant expression on her face.

"Don't sleep with him. That's all he wants from you, and as soon as you do, he'll leave you too. You're not special to him." She says, her eyes scanning Everett's. Then, with a glare at me, she leaves, dragging James with her.

I roll my eyes, and Everett raises an eyebrow but doesn't comment.

I tip back a few more beers, swaying to the music as the booze seeps into my bloodstream.

I stumble into Everett, attempting to dance with him but his expression is tight, uncomfortable.

"What's up?" I ask and he sighs.

"That girl..." He says and I wave him off.

"Don't listen to Marie, she's just bitter. James was a long time ago and he never told me that he had something going on with Marie." I say carelessly and he nods, pursing his lips before walking away.

I frown, jogging after him as he walks back in the direction of student accommodation.

I catch up to him, wrapping my hand around his and he sighs.

"Ledger, come on, stop." He whines but I laugh, tugging on his hand until his body crashes into mine.

Our lips are just a breath apart and I lean in, his kiss so unbelievably sweet.

"Ledger..." He mumbles and I hum, kissing him again, but this time he pushes me away.

"Ledger, stop. Just, stop." He says, his voice hard. I step away, watching as his expression crumples.

"Do you ever think about what this is doing to me?" He asks quietly and I frown.

"What do you mean?" I ask and he exhales quickly, smiling bitterly to himself.

"I can't...do casual. You can't... treat me like this when you don't really care. You can't expect me to not have feelings, it's not fair." He says tightly, not meeting my eyes and I'm silent as I take in his vulnerability.

"You think I don't care for you?" I ask quietly, watching as he looks away from me. His shoulders slump somewhat and I know we've finally found the crux of the matter.

He rakes a hand through his hair, his hand shaking.

"People told me what you were like. They warned me, over and over. Your obsession with art, your whims, your flirting, your inability to settle down. I knew. I knew that this was just for the sculpture, that as soon as you were done..." He says, his voice strained.

"They warned me and I knew better but I fell for it anyway. The teasing and the staring and the... they're just ploys aren't they?" He adds, his brows crumpled in distress.

I reach out to him and he snaps.

"Why would you make me fall for you? When are you going to drop me?" He demands, staring me down with those eyes that I can't resist.

My heart is racing in my chest, the idea that this beautiful, perfect, extraordinary man could feel one tenth of what I feel for him too good to be true.

"Everett, I never..."

"Bullshit. When? You were going to do it after you slept with me, right? But you couldn't, could you? Because your stupid fucking sculpture wasn't finished. Thats all that matters to you, isn't it? Your art." He hisses and I draw my hand back.

He's dead on. He's right about everything. That is who I am, or rather who I was.

Because I was never going to be able to do that to him. I had resigned myself to the fact long ago that this man had a vice like grip over me, that leaving him, hurting him was something I was incapable of. All that he said was true, until I met him.

I push back my hair, shaking my head as I exhale unsteadily.

"Yeah. That's all that has ever mattered to me, but now, you have to believe me that you..."

He cuts me off, laughing bitterly as he glares at the ground.

"I knew it. I knew it and I still...I wish I'd never met you." He trails off, shaking his head.

My chest aches, knowing he regrets the single best thing that has ever happened to me. I yearn to tell him that he is the only art I care for now, the thing that makes my world turn, the only thing that seems right in my endless wrongs.

He glances up at me, his eyes dark and resentful, silencing the words on the tip of my tongue.

"I hope it's the best fucking sculpture you've ever done. I hope it was worth it." He mutters, leaving me alone with my heart in my hands.

_

A/N

I bathe in cliff side pools with my calamitous love and insurmountable grief 🌹