I Was Younger Then

Moments with Lupin: I Am No Darcy

"We missed you on Friday," said Penny, approaching Lupin's desk.

He looked tired, even more so than usual. There were large bags under his eyes and he was oddly pale. But that did not stop him from giving her a wide grin.

"I have always been prone to falling ill, would you care to stay for some tea?" he asked, gesturing for her to take a seat.

Nodding, Penny sat, feeling more excited than she had all day. She'd been depressed the better part of the weekend since walking into DADA to find Snape's gloating face looking back at her. Unlike her peers, it was not the presence of Snape that made the class horrible, rather it was the absence of Lupin that made her sad. To make matters worse, she knew he was sick all weekend and missed her show. Though Penny had started the drama club and made the Christmas and Spring shows a permanent fixture of Hogwarts, this was the first time she had been asked to play the leading role.

The play was an instant hit, which was a natural product of casting Cedric Diggory, an unnaturally handsome and popular 6th year Hufflepuff as the romantic male lead. Of course the school was talking about the chemistry between her and Diggory, and many people told Penny they were impressed with her acting. Yet, none of their words could cheer her up. The disappointment of Lupin not being in the audience was one that surprised her.

"Are you feeling any better?" Penny asked, accepting the chipped cup he offered her.

"As well as can be expected," he shrugged. "I was sad to miss your play. My classes have informed me that you and Diggory are quite the match," he went on, watching her with an amused look on his face.

"People are always looking for something to talk about when Cedric is involved," said Penny, rolling her eyes.

"Are you sure about that? I heard quite a few swoon worthy retellings," he winked.

Penny stared at Lupin, perplexed. It seemed as though he were fishing to find out if she were dating Cedric, which was an absurd thought, but she could not be sure.

"It's called acting," she said, pointedly.

"If you say so," said Lupin, his eyes glinting as he took a sip of tea.

She looked away to contemplate what he was insinuating, "If I had a boyfriend I wouldn't have time to go to Professor Snape's office hours," Penny concluded, recoiling at the horrible prospect of losing that designated arguing time.

Lupin burst out laughing and began choking on the tea he had in his mouth. Brows furrowed in surprise, Penny turned back to the face that was red with amusement. After a few moments he seemed to get himself together.

"I do not imagine Professor Snape has had an admirer before."

"No, I think he works extremely hard not too," Penny grinned, "but that's not what I meant. I've learned a great many things from him I wouldn't have otherwise if I didn't visit him."

"I did not realize Professor Snape held office hours, that's very kind of him."

"He doesn't really, I just show up," Penny replied, sheepishly.

Lupin let out another soft chuckle, his warm brown eyes considering her.

"I was only teasing you, Penny, I know you are very bright and always looking to be challenged. To be perfectly honest, I would have been more surprised if you preferred the pretty boy, but nevertheless, it wasn't exactly the reasoning I expected to hear."

"Don't get me wrong, I'll never turn my nose up at a pretty boy, but I guess the more, uuh, intellectual type are my preference," Penny mused.

In retrospect, Penny had paid little romantic attention to anymore. The typical romance, hormone driven discussions of her peers never really resonated with her. She'd never been obsessed or distracted by anything other than potions, that is, until Lupin showed up. He was a handsome man, to be sure, and his warm brown eyes distracted her more than most, but it was his conversations that kept her craving his company. The thought she might have a crush on him consumed her thoughts all weekend. It was pretty typical for students to form crushes on their professors, but Penny never imagined herself in that absurd situation.

Time spent with Lupin made Penny feel genuinely happy, and she was elated whenever he expressed how proud he was of her efforts. His warm smile and laughter eased her anxiety. The entire experience almost reminded Penny of what she had imagined having a dad would feel like. Her speculating made the entire ordeal very confusing for her, so much so that she decided to drop it. Penny enjoyed Lupin's company and refused to read anymore into it.

"Well, make sure you let Diggory down easy, and perhaps leave out the preference for the potions master," Lupin teased

Penny scowled at Lupin, who looked far too amused with their conversation.

"What's your type then, hmm?" Penny pressed, eager to even the playing field.

"I'm far too old for dating,"

"Old? You can't be older than Professor Snape, and I've estimated he is in his early thirties," Penny replied, skeptically, leaning forward expectantly.

Lupin considered her for a moment looking mildly impressed.

"Severus Snape was in my year while I was at Hogwarts, actually. Though I was in Gryffindor, like yourself," he said, pausing to rub his five-o-clock shadow thoughtfully. "I've been single for much too long, I do not imagine a partner would be very happy with the bad habits I've developed in that time."

"That's fair, but even if that's true, you can still have a type, hypothetically," Penny pressed, her nosiness getting the best of her.

"I suppose I asked for this by teasing you," he said, shaking his head. But with a resigned sigh he obliged Penny's curiosity, "I would not say I have a type, per-say. I find myself attracted to people who are authentically themselves and empower others to be the same. I try not to limit myself for fear I'd miss finding a truly spectacular person my feeble imagination has no hope of conjuring," he finished with a small smile.

"Oh, dear, I cannot tease you about that. What a shame, for I dearly love to laugh." said Penny, falling back into her chair dramatically.

"My dear, are you quoting Elizabeth Bennet to me?" said Lupin, looking suddenly mischievous.

Penny grinned, "I'm impressed," she said, inclining her head.

He smirked, accepting her compliment. "While you make a spectacular Elizabeth Bennet, I am no Darcy."

"That's for Lizzie to decide," she replied with a wide grin.

Eyebrow arched, he leaned forward, "Is that so, lets have your assessment then,"

Penny suddenly found herself thrown off kilter by the challenge in his eyes. Their back and forth was in good natured humor, but the topic suddenly hit too close to home for Penny to feel like she could make anything that came out of her mouth sound like a jest. In her opinion, his declaration was possibly one of the most romantic things she'd ever heard someone say. It was such a lovely way to look at life and love that it made Penny reconsider her own notions about romance.

"Alas, I am unable to assess you, I am far too biased in your favor," she admitted with an apologetic shrug.

Lupin crumpled up a piece of parchment and tossed it at her face, "An answer I cannot complain about,"

They studied each other silent for a moment, the amusement in their eyes fading in favor of contemplation. Penny observed the lines of his face, noting again how tired he looked for one so young. His brown eyes lingered on her for a moment before becoming fixed to a spot just to her right, his thoughts making the lines between his brows more prominent.

She glanced down, realizing she had neglected her now-cold tea. She picked it up and emptied the glass. The movement seemed to bring Lupin back to his senses.

"As much as I'd like to continue our conversation, I should be responsible and prepare for my afternoon class," he said, giving her an apologetic smile.

"Of course, Professor, I hope you start feeling better, and thanks for the tea" said Penny, getting to her feet.

"I feel quite revived, your company was exactly the medicine I needed."

He smiled at her and walked her to his door, waving to her as she went.

Feeling happier than she had all weekend, Penny made her way toward the Entrance Hall in hopes of a walk. Whatever her turmoil, she knew one thing was certain, Lupin was the friend Penny always wanted.