the one that got away // minsung

thirteenth chapter

Twelve years

Dear diary,

Today was the last day.
It was kinda sad. I wanted to leave, but it also means less time with my friends from now on.

But one step after another.

Last night I couldn't sleep. Nothing helped. Really, nothing. The black around me, didn't help me to calm down. The regular breaths from Felix and Chan didn't help either.

It was like thoughts kept in my head, surrounding one another, telling me to stay awake. I tried to focus on different things, to don't get bothered by them, but every time I was already nearly asleep, some pictures came suddenly in my mind, scaring me.

One time it was my dad yelling at me.
Another time it was Felix leaving me.

I quietly yelped sometimes but gladly I didn't wake anyone up. The imaginations got darker and scarier every time till I couldn't stay calm anymore. I had tears in my eyes, and I really wanted to scream.

I couldn't handle it anymore, but what should I do? I can't climb upstairs to reach Felix, without disturbing Chan-Hyung and this guy really needs to rest. And the both of them can't calm me down.

So I decided to go to the other's room.

I know it was selfish, a really selfish decision. But I couldn't handle the thoughts and my tiredness didn't help to be any happier. I thought, I just have to sleep, so I would need some help. So, Lee Know was the first person that rushed in my head. He just gives me comfort by only looking at me.
He cares for me deep inside, even though he doesn't show it much.

I slowly and quietly made my way to the door, that connected our rooms and slipped inside their room. I reached my Hyung's bed, but suddenly I didn't know what to do.

I mean, I can't just lift the covers and snuggle myself onto him, right?

So, I stood there, looking down at him in the bare light coming from outside, giving enough light to make everything inside the room almost visible. Then he opened his eyes out of the blue, while I still admired him. Wait! No, I didn't admired him- I was just overloaded!

Whatever, his sudden action startled me, and I was afraid I have to tell him anything because I really don't know what's wrong myself, but he didn't question anything. He only lifted his cover, giving me a tired smile. I hesitantly wandered under the bedsheets and cuddled myself gladly next to him. The last thing I knew is an arm wrapping around my waist keeping me close.

It's normal for friends to do this, right? And it's normal to think about this arm once in a while, isn't it?

And finally, I could sleep, I slept so deep and peacefully that Minho-Hyung had to wake me up by lifting the covers from my body so I would feel the cold air today in the morning.

Nobody said anything about me, sleeping in my Hyung's bed instead of mine and I really appreciate this. Felix of course asked me later that day and I told him about my struggle and he just nodded while hugging me slightly. Was it that of a big deal?

We then ate breakfast, cleaning our room, packing our stuff and made our way to the busses which waited there for us to bring us back home.

I sat next to Felix again, telling him not only about the night before but also about random things, but nothing special happened.

Later we left the station, the bus stopped, said bye to our teachers and to each other. Felix' Mum brought me here again, cause my parents couldn't make it. Again.

My father is not home yet. Again.

My mother welcomed me with a warm hug and red eyes. Again.

She told me to get ready for dinner in a few minutes.

I can't take this any longer. Why is it like this?

Finally, Dad is back. I just heard him opening the door with his key.

We are back together, we three. Now everything is good, right?

Till whenever,

Yours, Jisung

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THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 100 READS <33

and I'm sorry for being a bit late with this update today... and I hope there aren't many mistakes

anyways, I hope you have a great day or night!

love you