Find your voice.

Chapter 10

Okay breath Brook inhale....exhale. I kept repeating to myself. This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done, even if he resents me after this at least I won't feel like I'm drowning in all of my lies. Why didn't I tell him the truth that night in my room? I need to stop doubting myself and just get it over with. While I was having all these thoughts running through my head my phone buzzed. It was a message from Jared. he said he would be out front in two minutes. Shit,shit,shit...I need a paper bag.

Walking outside I noticed him leaning on his car with the biggest smile on his face. When I saw that smile i faltered a bit . I knew that after I told him he wouldn't be smiling at me like that. "Hey Jared." I said. "Hey yourself, you look beautiful." He replied. Could I blush any harder? "So what do you want to do?" He asked. "I want to go somewhere where we can talk." I said.

It was a comfortable ride to where ever we were going. I was lost in my thoughts and apparently so was he. I didn't mind. I was just happy to be there with him. We arrived at a little cafe overlooking the beach. I thought it was absolutely beautiful. Believe it or not all the time that I've been living in Florida I haven't been to the beach once. We walked inside where we were lead to a booth in the corner. The lights were really dim giving it a romantic feel. This is so not the environment to break someones heart.

"So how do you like it? I come here to get inspiration for some of my songs. I've never brought anyone here before. I hope you like it." He said. "it's beautiful Jared. Thank you for sharing this with me." I said. Shit now I'm going to ruin his muse so to speak.I can't do this not with him looking at me like that. Not with that twinkle in his eyes that I'm going to put out.

"It's my pleasure to have you here. Now what did you want to talk about? I guess it's right to the point with him I thought. "You know this is my first actual date. I'm a nervous reck. I don't really know where to begin." I said nervously. "Whatever it is it can't be that bad right?" He chuckled lightly. I swear that if felt like my throat completely closed up on me. Seriously how am I suppose to tell him. I thought to myself.

"Brook why are you crying?" He asked. Shit I didn't even realize I was crying. "I'm afraid that you'll hate me after I tell you everything. But I'm tired of lying to you. I'm tired of lying for her. I don't even know how I let everything get this far. No I know six years ago when I decided I needed a friend like Cass to not feel invisible. That's when my life changed for the worst." Jared sat quietly holding my hand giving me the courage to continue. "Do you know how me and Cass became friends?" He shook his head no. I then went on to tell him how it began. I couldn't gage his reaction to what I was saying his face was emotionless.

"That doesn't sound like Cassandra at all." He said. "Well people like Cass adapt to what they want certain people to see. With me she was always her true self. She knew that I was afraid of what she could do to people who crossed her. So I always kept quiet, never wanting to become her next target."

"Why are you telling me this now? Why would you wait years to say something to me?" Jared asked. I could tell he was getting mad and I didn't even get to the worse part. "Honestly I didn't think it would have lasted so long with her. Cass was never really the relationship type. I didn't think that you and I would've become friends. And I definitely didn't think that I would grow feelings for you. I just felt that if I told you the truth, that maybe you wouldn't have believed me. Then things would have gotten really bad." I said to him.

"I get the feeling that you're not telling me everything. Listen Brook I know you think that I might blame you or stop liking you but that's not the case. Whatever Cass was doing during our relationship, was not your place to tell me if anything you were being a good friend to her. I know it may sound like the stupidest shit ever, but you knew her way before you ever met me. Loyalty is something a lot of people take for granted. But not you, you know you're to good to be true."

"Jared please stop saying those things about me. It had nothing to do with loyalty, it had everything to do with fear. I have been afraid of Cass for the past six years. So don't look at me like that. If anything I'm really just a coward. What you don't realize is that Cass took my situation of having no one to her advantage. As messed up as it sounds I didn't want to be alone anymore. The only other person I have is you and I'm afraid that you won't treat me the same when I tell you everything. Or if Cass finds out she won't let me be with you let alone anyone else according to her." I said to him.

"I'm so sorry Jared. I'm so sorry." I kept repeating that to him over and over again. He got up to come sit next to me. He pulled me into his arms. Whispering words of endearment into my ear." Baby look at me. If it's to hard for you to tell me then don't. I can't stand to see you hurting like this. To be honest with you I'd rather not know. Maybe it will all come out when it's suppose to okay?" I shook my head yes. We sat that way for awhile just staring at each other. Okay this is it I thought to myself he's going to kiss me. When I finally felt his lips on mine everything stopped. I think I had a mini heart attack. I think our pg 13 kiss was becoming a little xrated.

"Let's get out of here." I said breathlessly. "Where do you want to go?" "Somewhere where we can be alone." I said to him. He paid for our drinks. Took my hand and led me out of the cafe to his car. I didn't know where we were going but I had a good idea of what I wanted to do.