why'd you only call me when you're high - muke

michael

i grab my phone and let my fingers lightly hover over the screen, staring at the name, "luke" it read. i was contemplating on texting him. i took a deep breath and finally clicked on the contact and clicking call. the phone rings, beep, no answer. i huff and compose a quick message, simply saying,

"come over lukey"

no answer

"pretty please"

i don't look to see if luke replied, i simply get out of my bed and walk to the living room of my small apartment. i sit down on my couch and grab a half empty can off the table. i quickly chug the contents of the can and crumple it in my hand. i feel around in my pocket until i find a pack of cigarettes. i bring the pack up to my mouth and grab one between my lips. quickly i grab a lighter from the table, light the cigarette, and lean my head back onto the arm rest of my couch. i watch and i blow smoke from my mouth, staring at the ceiling absentmindedly, waiting for luke to respond to my message.

after laying on my couch for what felt like an eternity, i pick up my phone and send luke a few more texts. simple things, asking him if he's ignoring me and why he's ignoring me. i tried to call him a few times, but it just went straight to voicemail. i sigh and place my phone back on the table. running my hands through my tangled hair i let out a discontented groan. before i know it, my eyes begin to feel heavy and i quickly fall asleep.

----

i was woken by the bright sunshine blinding me through the sliding glass door that leads to my balcony. i roll over and try to go back to sleep, but i fail. i sit up and look at the TV which sits across from my couch. i can slightly see my reflection in it. i frown at myself. my hair is a mess, my clothes are hanging loosely on my think frame. i pick up the remote and flip my TV on so i can avoid looking and myself.

my eyes scan the table in front of me, inspecting the substances that are laying on the table. i quickly pick up a joint and the lighter beside it. this is the most mild of the substances that i use, but it still gets the job done, most of the time. i light it and begin taking quick drags, flicking the ash onto the floor, the apartment is already messy so it doesn't really change anything.

i am focusing on the TV when i hear a knock on my door. i sigh and stand up from the couch and walk to the door. i look through the peep hole and the first thing i notice are bright blue eyes, which belong to my favorite person in the world. i quickly open the door and watch luke's eyes flick towards my coffee table.

"michael, we need to talk" he quickly mutters

"hey baby" i respond as i grab his hand and pull him over the threshold of my door.

i see luke's mouth begin to open so he can speak again, but i put my hand under his chin and bring my lips to his. his lips are slightly chapped from the cold wind outside, but i love it. i love luke, and every moment of being with him makes me momentarily forget about the sadness and dread in my life.

luke is what kept me alive for the longest time. we were inseparable in high school. luke moved in with us when his parents kicked him out, and i slowly began to fall in love with him, but i couldn't let him know that. i was terrified of losing him, just like I've lost everyone in my life. after my father died, i felt completely lost, and luke was the only one there for me. at least for a little while. soon after, i turned to drugs. i couldn't bear the thought of losing luke, and i didn't know what else to do. i had always hung out with "the wrong crowd" but it got even worse after my father passed. the drugs kept me distracted from losing my father and from my feelings for luke. they make me temporarily happy and there's only one thing that would make me permanently happy, and i know what it is, but it feels so so so unobtainable.

762 words.... sooooo. i started writing this again. this is probably shit, but oh well.