Homophobic but secretly gay

5.

Juho
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Wtf is wrong with Jere? He told me to leave him alone. I did what he wanted. We don't talk to each other now..I'm not feeling that great. Everything was so nice and then boom we don't even look at each others. What was he gonna do? Kiss me? Then why didn't he.
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Wait what?
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Anyways, I wonder if he wants to even talk to me. Like at all, ever? It bothered me a lot and I was anxious about it. I didn't sleep that much and I was more tired at school. More than usual. He didn't look that bad. Maybe he was perfectly fine. Or if not why isn't he talking to me?! That boy is so stupid. I'm so sick of this silence! It's like there is a big wall between us.
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At school I was walking in the hallways to think what could I do. We had a lunch break. I didn't want to eat tho. I mean I could go eat, Jere wouldn't be there anyways. That's what I did. I went to eat and the food was so shit, no wonder we never went to eat here. I sat with couple of my friends. They talked with each other and I ate silently. I didn't have anything to talk about nor I didn't know what to talk about of what they were talking. I was ready to leave. I put all the things away and went upstairs again.

I sat down on a chair. In few minutes we had to go outside. I didn't have a reason to not go. So for once I was being 'nice' and went outside on the right time and teachers were a bit suprised by that.

At outside I was with couple of my friends and Jere wasn't one of them, of course. We talked a bit, I was more quiet tho. We weren't that far of the others, but far enough. I looked Jere for a while and sighed out loud.

"Are you okay?" One of my friends asked.

"Yeah. Just tired, didn't sleep that much last night. No need to worry." I responded.

"Okay." He replied and continued on talking to the others.

I miss talking to Jere tho. We had so much fun together. Why this had to change. Can I change it back? I can try and hopefully it will work. I don't know how tho. What would I say? What would I do? My mind got an idea. I was nervous about it but gotta try. What would I lost anymore? Well I wasn't ready to talk to him at this day.
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The next day. I tried to find him. I searched our secret places and the hallways. I heard some loud talking. It didn't sound so nice tho. I looked at from the corner and saw Jere. I almost went there but I noticed he was with someone. Someone I didn't know.

I looked at the person more and noticed it was a girl. Probably like on the 7.grade like the other boy from days ago. I heard some words what Jere said to her. Like for example: 'Tranny, lesbo, freak, sod...' He is bullying her. I need to stop him. This could put me in trouble in our group but I don't care about that now.

"Hey! Dickhead!" I shouted and ran behind him.

"Oh, did someone come to save you?" Jere teased the girl and turned around. He didn't expect to see me. "Juho?"

"Hi to you too. What are you doing?" I raised my other eyebrow and looked at the girl crying on the floor. "Why is she crying?"

"Tsk. Why'd you care? She is a freak!" Jere answered and laughed.

The girl looked so uncomfortable everytime we said 'girl and she' It wasn't that hard to noticed. I looked at her clothes and figured out something.

"I'm sorry, why is he crying?" I asked again and the boy looked suprised and more happy.

"What...he? She's a girl don't you see shithead!" Jere said and looked at the boy and back at me.

"You idiot. Get some new eyes or something, he is obviously a boy." I said looking at Jere while he didn't understand why was I like this.

It was quiet for few seconds. "Now. Get away from him." I said and took few steps foward.

"No! Stay back there. I guess you are a freak too huh?" He asked and I didn't know what to say.

"Jere just leave. It's the best choice for you." I ignored the question.

"Don't ignore my question!" He shouted. The boy behing him got more scared of him shouting so loud.

"Just fucking leave! God damn it Jere!" I shouted back. He looked at me shocked. He didn't say anything, he looked hurt too.

I was angry. I can't do the thing I was going to. Not now. Maybe never. I don't understand. What was he going to do back in the days in the very small place if he's like this now? Why did he wanted me to answer to his question?

I looked at the boy. I didn't know him. I gave him a signal that he can leave. The boy nodded and got up. He ran past Jere and when he ran past me he whispered, "thank you."

I looked back at Jere. He looked so..hurt? Why? Was it because I shouted to him? I walked right in front of him. He didn't look at me. He looked at the floor.

"Jere." I said. He frowned and looked more angry now.

"Jere just fucking look at me." I said again.

This time he looked at me. He was ready to shout everything he had on his mind to my face but he didn't. Could I do it? Not right now but soon when we can clear things out.

"Hey..I-"
"SHUT UP."

I was shocked. What's wrong with him? He's acting so weird.

"Just shut up. Don't say anything. You fucking idiot." He said and looked down. He was quiet for a while. "Freak."

"What.."

"You heard me! You are a freak." He repeated himself. He looks at me. The bell rings.

That's not what I wanted to hear from him. What do I do now? He left and I just stood there. In silence. I felt stabbing pain in my chest. A small teardrop showed up to my eyes and my vision went blurry.