Without You

Love Hurts

"You glad to be going home?"

Spencer smiled at Derek, gently holding his fiancé's hand as he waited on the all clear from the doctors. They were filing his discharge paperwork and getting ready to take his IV out. It had been a few days since Derek had come back into his life, and he was enjoying every moment of it. He often wondered why Derek would never use his first name. After all, Derek remembered the pet names he would call Spencer, so why wouldn't he remember his name, right?

"Yeah... I was getting a little stir crazy in here... But I get why they put me in here. I did say I wanted to kill myself during a depressive episode. I commend them for doing it, actually." Spencer admitted with a small chuckle.

It didn't take long for a nurse to arrive and remove the IV from Spencer's arm, and then he was set to go. He continued to hold Derek's hand as they walked through the hospital, the nagging feeling of asking Derek to use his name tugging at his heart.

As they got to the front, Spencer could no longer take it, and he spoke.

"Derek?"

"Yeah baby?"

"I know you really like to use our pet names... but could you sometimes use my actual name? It's just been bothering me for a little while now and I didn't know how to ask." Spencer sighed sharply once they got outside, only to realize it was pouring down rain.

Derek stopped suddenly once they got outside, looking away from Spencer with a frown on his face. He struggled with the reality of not remembering his lover's first name. He didn't want to call him by his last name... they weren't out on the field... they weren't at work...!

Spencer noticed the behavior and immediately recognized what was going on. "You... you don't remember my name... do you...?" His voice caught in his throat. He knew he shouldn't have asked.

"Not your first name... And I don't want to call you by your last name... We're not out on the field."

Spencer bit his lower lip, blinking back tears. He nodded, sniffling once. "I knew it. You don't remember me like you said you did, do you?"

"Baby boy, please don't-" Derek started.

"Stop with the fucking pet names, Derek! I just want to hear my name come out of your mouth, okay?! I get it, you don't remember jack shit, but I was hoping that you would at least remember my name!" Spencer's voice shook and tears rolled down his cheeks. He turned and began to stomp off into the rain, letting go of Derek's hand.

He had only gotten about ten steps away from the hospital entrance before Derek grabbed his arm gently, pulling the brunette back towards himself. He tried to rip his arm away from Derek in response.

"Baby, I'm trying to remember, I swear! Just give me a chance to remember, alright?" Derek argued, holding onto Spencer's arm in hopes that he would turn around and agree.

In a moment of sheer anger and pain, Spencer whirled around to face Derek, glaring daggers into his soul as he brought his free hand up.

SMACK!

Derek was shocked when Spencer's hand connected with his face, letting go of Spencer's arm in surprise and holding his cheek in response.

"You don't fucking get it Derek!" Spencer shouted over the pouring rain, his drenched hair sticking to his face and his wet clothing clinging to his slender body as he faced Derek. "I waited for two FUCKING YEARS in hopes that you would come and save me from myself! I wanted to hear you say my name!"

Derek could barely hear Spencer. Something had clicked in his mind... The memories were flooding back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Will you marry me?"

Spencer's eyes widened and tears formed as he gazed at the ring Derek held up to him. He had run every single possible event that could have been happening, and yet he completely overlooked being proposed to. Derek could tell all of that just by the look on his lover's face.

"Yes, of course!" Spencer finally choked out, hugging Derek tightly and crying softly into his shoulder. He had waited far too long for this moment to reject Derek now.

Their friends were all there... JJ, Hotch, Garcia, Rossi, and Prentiss... They were all there and cheering for the two...

"I love you, Derek... I love you so much..." Spencer choked out as Derek slid the ring on his finger, his eyes meeting Derek's again.

Derek pulled the brunette into a sweet kiss.

"I love you too, Sp....."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was two syllables... His name... It was still fuzzy.

"And to think that I thought you were really MY Derek! To think that I had you back, after almost killing myself and telling the hospital staff I wanted to die! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD! I WAS WILLING AND READY TO KILL MYSELF TO BE WITH YOU AGAIN!" The brunette was screaming at the top of his lungs now. He was hurting.

'...cer....'

'Spe.......'

"LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME THE TRUTH!"

'.... Spen...'

"FINE! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT MY NAME IS! THAT WAY YOU CAN FINALLY FUCKING REMEMBER WHO I AM! I'M SURE YOU'LL FORGET IT AGAIN, BUT I DON'T FUCKING CARE!"

'Spencer.'

"I DON'T CARE BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO L-"

"SPENCER!"

Spencer stopped, his voice caught in his throat for a moment. Tears continued to fall from his eyes. "...what...?" He choked out quietly.

"Spencer... Your name is Spencer Reid. We got engaged three years ago, on October 12th, but we'd been dating for over six years..."

Spencer's anger dropped in an instant. Was Derek finally remembering him...?

"You wanted our wedding to be in Vegas so you could be closer to your mom... so she could come to the wedding. You wanted to ask Hotch to be our marriage officiant... You wanted Garcia to be our ring bearer... I said yes to all of these because I love you. I always have."

"D-Derek..."

"I know I messed up... I know I should have listened to you and not gone into that building. You were right... But I'm here now, and I remember everything. I still want to marry you... I still want the life we planned together. Please, Spencer... come home with me... Don't kill yourself... I need you."

Spencer started sobbing quietly, hugging Derek tightly. He didn't care if it was raining, or if the rain was cold. He had his Derek back, and he didn't want to let go. He felt Derek's arms wrap around his body and hugged Derek tighter, pressing his face into Derek's neck for a moment.

Derek soon pulled away, cupping Spencer's face and kissing him sweetly. It felt a lot more like it used to now that he remembered.

When the two finally pulled away for air, Spencer wrapped his arms around Derek's neck, hugging him again. "Don't let go... Please..." He choked out quietly.

Derek wrapped his arms around Spencer's waist, pulling him in close.

"I won't."