Olvidado

An Open Letter to the Man I Met on March

Since Valentine's Day is fast approaching, I somehow would like to unload the baggage that I'm carrying in my heart 'cause all I wanted this time is to bathe my soul with love. No more excuses, no more dramas because of failed love. So here's an open letter to that one person whom I adore so much but I know will no longer be mine:

Uyy kamusta? You know I was never the type who would reach out with the guy first and guess what, you were the first one who made me do the things beyond my usual self? (Don't get flattered enough ha for you will not even like what I had to tell you the next). Damn, but I couldn't contain and keep it to myself any longer! I can no longer be 'astig', sheeeeesh! haha. However, all the more that I keep it to myself, I felt twice devastated, so forgive me as I had to pen a lengthy explanation for you with the hope that you'll be reading it 'til the end. I have contemplated a lot before finally sending this to you then finally arrived at the decision to be honest with myself and as to how I feel. Please keep whatever I'll be saying here between us. I believe you'll do.

I'm not meaning to sound it sappy but there's no better way to describe the connection we've made like the wind- it was at a fair moment where we were hastily introduced to one another and from the beginning, I already felt that you are not even meaning to meet me halfway. From the start, I already felt this would be another heartbreak. You know, girls' instincts are often accurate cause I actually feel that you don't even fancy me. Yet, I had this little hope in me that you'll somehow learn to jive through my way because I've never been so comfortable with someone else before (at least to the people whom I don't have the same league with, just so I think). I somehow miss the times people would tease us how good pair we both could ever make and maybe, we are just simply meant to be like that- a temporary present (to me at least).

You might be wondering why I gave you a cold shoulder last December. It was actually the time that I learned you are already interested with some other girl(?) and maybe you already have someone special in your heart by now. The tweet has reached to me and guess what, I didn't react at first and shove it behind, silently comforting myself saying, "That is already expected." By then, I decided to build walls again before the traces of you would leave a scar, making me not to believe in love again, like anyone else did to me. But the saddest part is, it did, you did and it kinda breaks my heart up until now. Thought at first you were just a happy crush, but everything has changed all the more I get to know you- I fell in love with your vibe, the way you tell your stories, your fun personality, and your perspectives in life. I could still remember your kind gestures like giving me a chair to sit on during one of our activities, worrying too when I thought I lost my phone, telling me not to let myself be a rebound for someone else. By then, I've known you were a good man- you really are and I'm pretty sure you have already found someone that you deserve. This girl here, on the side, just really knows her worth- she wants love with assurance; a love who is sure of her, and a love that's whole- not a half love. So before falling much deeper into you, I decided to keep a distance. And so I think I didn't regret being selfish just to protect myself from falling deeper. Love, feeling like an ocean will drown me, will prevent me to take deeper breathes, and eventually destroy me so I hope you'll understand why I tiptoed back the shore, to the safest zone, because I'm afraid that in the process of gradually falling into you, I'll be losing myself.

Nevertheless, tough we no longer talk to each other these days, I just wanted to let you know that just because it ended, doesn't mean it wasn't good. Thank you for the happy memories. There might be times that I remember you, wondering what are you up to; how your day went; what have you ever had for dinner; do you still play your favorite game? There will be questions that will keep running in my head, reminding me about you. But worry not because I won't bother you any longer. I will just be cheering and watching here from afar and gradually take my own path.

I hope to still see you around and wish you only happiness. Let's keep the good vibes and hoping that when we bump into each other the next time, we would still at least exchange hellos. So happy to meet you somehow and made memories with you that are worth-keeping in this lifetime. At first, I thought meeting you was only meant to break me but looking back to the good moments we've shared, I could say it was all worth it. Just as it is, we were not meant for each other. Yet still, I believe, we have met for a reason. All's well that ends well. All too well. ✨