My Heart Belongs To.... Not Just My Bias

Funeral

Y/N'S POV:

When the guys had arrived home Hobi had texted me. I hadn't heard from them for a month, I assumed they were just busy like I was. It was time for me to leave again. The kids didn't like it. They cried. My mom stayed with them as usual. I traveled to Seoul in the company plane. My employees were already there patiently waiting for me to arrive. I didn't tell anyone but my family that I was leaving. I arrived in Seoul safe. I was there for a week getting everything situated, gathering more employees. I wanted to tell the guys I was back, but I was always busy too busy to do anything with them even if they wanted to. I had been staying in a hotel room. Being here and not with them wasn't feeling right. I was walking to my building when I got a call.
** RING RING **
"Hello?"
"Y/n!"
"Yeah? What's up? How've you been? It's been awhile."
"Where are you? It's so noisy."
"Ummm well actually...."
"Nevermind. We need you to come back."
"What? Why? What happened? Is everything okay?"
"No."
"Well what happened?"
"It's Taehyung."
"What happened to him? Is he okay?" I started panicking.
"No. No, he's not."
"Hobi, what happened?"
"It's his dad. They killed him."
"What?" I stopped in my tracks.
"His mom called him not too long ago bitching him out that it was his fault."
"That bitch."
"His funeral is today."
"Wait. What? Already?"
"He's apparently been dead for 2 days already. He had no clue."
"Oh my gosh. Okay. I'll be there. Just send me the details."
"Okay."
We hung up and Hobi sent me the location. I called work and told them to cancel everything for the day. I went back to the hotel and changed my clothes. Then I headed to the funeral. Everyone was already there. I walked in and Hobi walked up to me and led me to a seat next to him, but before I could reach it Mrs. Kim saw me and stood up.
"Hello, Mrs. Kim. I'm sorry for-"
"How dare you show your face here, you stupid bitch!" And she slapped me.
Everyone was shocked and whispering.
"He's dead because of you!" She was going to slap me again. I braced myself for an impact that never came. I opened my eyes to see Taehyung holding her wrist.
"Don't lay another hand on her. If you ever touch my fiance again, I'll kill you." He said in a stern voice.
He then put his arm over my shoulders and guided me to a seat next to him. I sat there with my head down and my hands on my lap. The ceremony started, he was crying and shaking. I looked at his legs moving and put my hand on it. He grabbed my hand. My poor Tae getting even more broken, and once again it was my fault. I felt guilty, sick to my stomach. I started tearing up, but I stopped myself.
"I need to be strong." I thought. "For him. He needs me more than ever now. The guys and I are his only family."
He made his speech and his mom was crying but eye dogging him. The guys were crying, and here I am trying to hold it all in for all of them. I may not have known the man, but he was nice. Taehyung couldn't finish his speech. He could barely get through three sentences. I stood up and went up to him. I hugged him and held his hand.
"Do you want me to finish it?" I asked softly. He nodded his head.
I finished his eulogy for him and held his hand the whole time. We walked off the stage and he cried onto my shoulder. I kept caressing his head. When the ceremony was over we went to the burial sight. All eight of us stood together. Jungkook was holding Jimin as he cried into him. The rest of the guys tried to be strong. Their nose and eyes were red from the crying. Taehyung was called to do something and I stood there trying to hold myself together.
"You know, you don't always have to be the strong one." Namjoon said as he placed his hand on my shoulder.
"Yeah, I know, but he needs me now more than ever."
"The last time he needed you, you left." Jin said.
We all turned sharply and looked at him.
"Dude, how could you say something like that?" Jungkook said.
"Yeah, that's not cool, hyung." Hobi said.
"No. I mean he's right."
"Y/n, don't listen to him." Jimin said.
"Why shouldn't I? He's right."
"No. He's not. Taehyung might have needed you, but you needed time to grieve too, and that's why you left." Namjoon said.
"The thing is I shouldn't have."
"You had every right to. You went through so much in so little time." Jimin said.
"Don't beat yourself up about it." Yoongi said.
"Thanks guys. But this time I'm not going anywhere. It doesn't matter what happens."
** RING RING **
"Oh, guys, I gotta take this. It's mom. Hello, mom? It's 9pm over there. Why are you calling so late?"
"Y/N! The house got broken into."
"What?! Are you okay? Are the girls okay?"
"Yeah. Yes, we're fine. They're at their other grandma's. They're going to stay their for the night."
"Where are you staying?"
"With them, just had to come home to get some things."
"But you're okay?"
"Yes."
"Do you need me to head back home?"
"No, sweetie. You need to stay there for work. They need you."
"I'm pretty sure they would understand that my family needs me more." I turned and looked at Tae and repeated softly. "Family."
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
"Just stay there. Come home when you can or supposed to."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, yes. Marla and I got this. Don't rush and take your time."
"Okay, mom. I'll be home as soon as I can. Give the girls a hug and kiss for me. Goodnight and stay safe!"
"We will."
I got off the phone, turned around and the guys were there.
"Go home."
"Guys."
"Your family needs you."
"Yes, they do. All 10 of them do, but I'm here for work, I'm here for Tae and I'm here for you guys too." I rubbed Namjoon's arm. "I appreciate everything you guys. I do."
"I'll go."
"What?" We all turned to look at Yoongi.
"I'll go until you can go back. We're on hiatus right now due to the unusual events" he said gesturing the casket with his hand. "So I will go."
"Thanks, Yoongi, but you don't have to."
"No, I don't, but I want to. I love those munchkins and if anyone tries to hurt them, I will hunt them down."
"Thank you." I placed my hand on his arm.
Tae finished talking with family and friends. They lowered the casket and he was singing as they were doing it. I hate seeing him like this. After the burial we all headed home. I spent sometime with Yoongi because Tae wanted to be alone for a bit.
"Make sure they do their homework, brush their teeth, make sure they aren't late, they need to-"
"Y/n/n. I got this."
"I know. *sigh* I know. It's just.... They're just kids, you know? They have nothing to do with this. Who would do something like this?"
"I don't know."
"Are you sure you got Tabitha?"
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure."
"You're pretty sure?! What do you mean you're pretty sure?! Did you or didn't you?! My childrens' lives are getting interfered with!"
"I did. Don't worry."
"Don't tell me not to worry when my house just got broken into."
"Sorry. I'll take care of them. I promise."
"You better cause if anything happens to them on your watch, I will kill you myself." I stormed out of the room.
I waited in the living room with the others as Yoongi finished getting ready. It felt very somber. Taehyung was still in his room. He needed to cry everything out.
"Hey, Namjoon, can you take me to the jet?"
"What? No. Why? Drive yourself. I can barely even drive."
"It's so Y/n can use my car for work."
"I'm okay to walk."
"No!" They all yelled. I just rolled my eyes.
"Drive yourself. She can use my car or one of the guys can take her."
"Fine." Yoongi scrunched up his nose then looked at me, and I looked away. "Fine. Make sure she doesn't get into any trouble."
"We can take care of her just fine. Had to do it for her month 7 months ago. Remember?" Namjoon said with attitude. Yoongi walked up to him about ready to fight.
"Hey!" I ran in between them placing my hand on Namjoon's chest. "Stop."
Yoongi scoffed and walked off. "I'll be back in a week."
He closed the door a little too hard. The house shook a bit. The guys were all shifty eyes and Namjoon left to his room. I looked at the guys to give me something anything with what just happened, and the room was silent.
"Okay then. I'll find out myself." I thought. Then spoke out.  "Seriously! If it's not one thing with you guys, it's another. I've barely been here for a few hours!"
I walked off to Namjoon's room and knocked on the door.
** KNOCK KNOCK **
"Leave me alone."
"Namjoon.... Please open up." I said softly placing my hand and forehead on the door.
I heard him get up and open the door.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"Okay.... First of all, chill with the 'tude. It's not with me. Secondly, I know you're not okay given the fact you almost fought Yoongi and you stormed off mad. So what's going on? Talk to me." I went and sat next to him on the bed. "I thought things were okay here. Hobi said everything was okay."
"Don't. I can't believe he kept talking to you in secret."
"It wasn't in secret. Everyone knew about it. Maybe you being the leader and Jin being the oldest you guys didn't pay attention."
"Maybe he just wanted you for himself."
"Seriously? Then Kook and Jimin wouldn't have been around for most of the calls."
"I.... I didn't know that."
"Well no, of course not. Your nose is always stuck in a book."
He scoffed. "Look, if you're just here to yell at me, then please just leave."
"Damn it, Joon! I'm here to see what is wrong with you! Excuse me for caring." I stood up and was about to walk away, but then he grabbed my hand.
"I felt lost without you. I felt like I had no purpose. You were gone, the guys were doing their own thing."
"Then why the hostility with Yoongi."
He scrunched up his nose in annoyance by his name then scoffed. "I don't even know why he came back."
"He's trying to fix things, Namjoon. He knows he did wrong. He couldn't control himself sometimes cause Tabitha had the boys control him. You need to cut him a break."
"No!" It was the loudest "no" I ever heard come out of someone's mouth and startled me a little.
"What do you mean no? He's your brother. You still love him. Come on." I nudged him.
"No. I hate him for what he did to you. He should of never laid his hands on you in any negative form. I don't know how you could forgive something so cold and heartless."
"Look for 6 months while everyone was here sitting on their asses, he was the only one who made an effort. He tried and tried and tried, after the third month I finally just let him in. The girls wanted to see him again, they wanted to be with him. What did anyone of you do? NOTHING! A call here and there, a text here and there. Even Hobi made more of an effort by at least video calling me."
"When you left.... you didn't just walk out on Tae, you walked out on all of us, and in the middle of the night on top of it all. You waited until all of us were asleep, and you left."
His words shocked me. "Then... Then maybe I should just leave again."
"Do it! It's something you seem good at. Just walking away from everything."
"I don't walk away from everything!"
"Could of fooled me."
"Namjoon! You're such... You're such a...."
"Yeah? Spit it out."
"You're such a jerk!" I started storming off.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"Walking away from you."
"We're not done here."
"Yes. Yes we are."
"No we're not." He pinned me to the wall.
"Namjoon, let me go!"
"No! You want to know what's so wrong?"
"No, I don't care anymore. Now let me go!"
"It's difficult having to share the woman you love with 6 other men! It's hard to love someone when they don't love you back! It's hard watching her constantly getting hurt and not being able to always save her! It's hard watching her walk out and knowing the why! It's hard when your brother moves back in trying to make up for all the wrong he's done to the woman who has my heart!"
"Namjoon, stop." I said softly.
"It's hard when everytime I see her I have to act like she's just a person who lives with us. I have to act like I'm not dying to hold her, touch her, and give her everything she deserves, even when every inch of myself wants to kiss her." His thumb grazed my bottom lip. "It's hard not to tell her how I really feel." He put his forehead against mine.
"Namjoon."
"Yeah, I know. Sorry." He started pulling away. "Awh what the hell."
He without a second thought smashed his full big lips into mine and held my head in place for a long while. He was craving me. He was devouring me. He was making me dizzy. He was making me want him more than I've ever wanted anyone, which was making me feel guilty. I started feeling my hands move up to his face like if I had no control over them. My hands were exploring his hair. I snapped to and pushed him away. I quickly opened the door and went out as fast as I could. I faced the door panting with my forehead to the door. "Fuck" was all I could think. I fought ever hormone in my body to not open that door again.
"I know you're still there just come back in."
"Nuh-uh." I thought. I started walking backwards, then turned quickly to hit someone.
"Why were you outside of hyung's room?"
"Ugh! Fuck! That deep voice. I can't take it anymore!" I thought.
"Oh! Tae! Nothing. I was just checking up on him, and I was about to go check up on you right now."
"Uh-huh.... Look at you, checking up on everyone. Yet you come out of his room panting?"
"Well you did just startle me...."
"You were panting before that."
"Fine. Namjoon kissed me."
"Oh. You kissed him back, didn't you?"
"It was unintentionally. Hormones? Can I blame them?"
"Uh.... Sure? I guess."
"Wait.... You're not mad?"
"Mad? No. Hurt? Yeah, I guess so."
"You guess so?"
"Eh. Yeah."
"What.... What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing. I'm just done and tired of crying. Spent 5 months doing that. I don't need a other one. Thank YOU very much."
I gasped and scoffed. "Excuse me?"
"Did I studder? You broke my heart when you left. Does it look like I carry sympathy for you?" He rolled his eyes and scoffed. "Whatever." Then he walked away.
I stood there dumbfounded. "Wait." I said softly. "Wait. Wait! Kim Taehyung!"
He stopped in his tracks.
"Did you....?"
He turned his head back a bit and smirked kinda sadistically.
"No. No. No. No. No! Tell me you didn't. Tell me you didn't turn it off! Tell me you're still the man I fell in love with. Tell me you're still the man who is my fiancé!"
He tilted his head a little. "No." He smirked and tried walking away.
"Kim Taehyung! Come back here." He kept walking. "Fine! Fine." I started tearing up as I started taking off the ring. "Have it your way then." I threw it at him, and he stopped. "I hate you."
I walked to my room. I sat on my balcony for the rest of the day. I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. I watched the sun fade and the moon rise. I saw the dark cloud come in and the rain pour down. Everything in my life was turning south again. I wanted to jump. I wanted to stop the pulsating, the heartache, the pain. I wanted it all to end. Everyone tried talking to me, my phone kept ringing and buzzing. I couldn't handle it, so I chucked it. I felt dead. I felt numb. I couldn't breathe. I got up and took a shower, then I got dressed and went out. I needed to feel something. I went out to the clubs.