Lea hums a lullaby to put Nicole to sleep. Month gone by but no trace of Gillian that has been found. No single day passes by without them thinking where she might go or if somebody out there takes care of her Gillian. Each minute of the day, Lea and Aga expect a report from the authority or any lead of Gillian's vicinity. But they always end up disappointed and broken. She fixed eyes outside the open sliding door. Night seems so cold and lonely like what she feels at this juncture. Rob sleeps in the other room. He talks to Lea only if it has something to do with Nicole. She tried reaching out, saving their marriage, but life can't give you everything your heart desires. She can't choose both path. On and on her mind tells her to choose the kids but Lea was threatened by Rob to bring Nicole in the states. He cannot concur Gillian as part of their family. She would just remind him of Lea's affair with Aga. But her daughter Gillian must have been alone and worried somewhere. No calls and text. They couldn't reach Gillian. Lea found herself re-reading for nth time Gillian's message before she can no longer be tracked down.
And tears roll down her face.
Hi.
I actually don't know how to start this or maybe I shouldn't anymore. Perhaps the best thing I must do is to distant myself from any of you. Mama told me for many times that to harbor a grudge towards someone would only add loads to my heart. Truth is I don't. She taught me to forgive people who hurt me to forget the pain. And I forgive you. I have forgiven you since the day I found out the truth but to forget is something I cannot give. I am sorry. In life I realized not all pain should be forgotten. This pain I feel inside shaped me as a person I am today. As I left your home, I found freedom. As I walked away, I found peace. Please don't look for me. I will be fine on my own. Save your marriage with tito Rob. Save your family and career. These are ones you might lose if you can't let go of me, Ms. Lea. Send my apologies to tito Rob and Nicole. I have ruined your family. To your mom, tell her I am sorry, too. She was right all along. I can be the cause of your downfall. But I will be alright wherever I am as I've said. Mama taught me so many things in life that will guide me. Thank you for giving me to mama Ruth. It was a memorable journey with her but now I'm on my own. You are not a failure as a mom because you are the best mother Nicole can ever asked for. But maybe motherhood isn't all about who gave birth to a child. I may have not came from mama Ruth's womb but she is my mom. She will forever be my mother. I hope this will be our last communication.
I wish you all the best in life, Ms. Lea.
That was the last time she heard from Gillian. She was right all along. I can be the cause of your downfall. It woken up her curiosity from that. As if something happened that didn't run by her and she wasn't able to contain her emotions at that point. Her mom has something to do with what's happening. And Lea was right when she confronted her mom. It was then she knew that Ligaya went to see Gillian at school from years back. She heard from her mom the entire truth. Heated argument fueled the fire that has been blazing between them.
"I did what's best to protect your name, Carmen! Tama naman ako ah! Gillian brings no good in this family. She is a big mistake from your past, Carmen. See what's happening now? Sinisira niya ang pamilya mo. One day you'll wake up with nothing left for you!", Ligaya becomes manipulative rather than protective.
But Lea can see no mercy in her mom's eyes. She would side whichever benefits her. If this goes on and on, she might never found Gillian again for the rest of her life. It shouldn't be her daughter paying for the mistakes of them. She has done a lot as daughter, sister, friend, and wife. Motherhood is something a mediocre like her must work on. She is not a good mom to Gillian. She has never been a mom to her first born.
"And I don't care, ma. I don't care anymore! I am so tired following your shadow. All my life I obliged to your decisions. From choosing the path I should take to marrying the man who fits your standard! I chose your happiness rather than mine, ma. I did good as a daughter, a sister! I became the breadwinner in this family. You've put everything in my shoulders that I forgot which ones I am only obliged of. But look at me as a mom, ma. Look how irresponsible I am. My child is alone out there while I am here safe and sound. I know you're afraid that I might turn out like you! You're afraid that I might lose this complete family we never had. I know your worries, ma. Natatakot ka na magkamali ako but can't you see!? Ma, I am different from you. I have my own path. I have my own choices. I have done so much for you, ma. I have done so much for us but you never heard me complain! I gave up my dream of becoming a doctor because you said it is not for me. That I should be a star being looked up by everyone ...."
