The farm was packed. By the looks of everyone excitedly clearing the road for Lauren's car, we'd arrived just in time for her race. People stepped off the track slowly, eyeing Lauren and me with curiosity. Most people probably thought Lauren hated me, so they must be pretty confused. I didn't care.
The car vibrated under me, and I tapped my feet on the floor with uncontrollable energy and a little residual nervousness.
I'd stuffed the picture I found in Lauren's room into the front pocket of my hoodie. I didn't want to take the chance of her catching me trying to put it back in the box under her bed. I wasn't sure if it was Lauren in the picture, but I guessed it was. Why else would she have it? Unless . . . unless she did that to a kid.
My teeth clenched together. I didn't like that thought one bit.
"Hey!" People, mostly female, shouted at the car. I took a deep breath and didn't even try to hide my annoyance. Luckily, she didn't greet them back, and my shoulders relaxed. Her face was stone as Sick by Adelita's Way pounded out of the speakers.
As Lauren pulled into position next to an '80's Camaro I didn't recognize, I unfastened my seatbelt to hop out of the car, but Lauren grabbed my hand.
"Hey," she spoke softly, and I turned to look at her. "I like to keep my head in the game here. If I don't act very friendly, it has nothing to do with you, okay?"
Translation: I don't do the girlfriend thing, especially in public. Not that Lauren and I were together, but I knew what she was trying to say.
I shrugged my shoulders. "You don't have to hold my hand." And I stepped out of the car.
It bugged me that Lauren kept up an image, or maybe she just didn't feel comfortable around people, but I'd be damned if I was going to stand on the sidelines feeling out of place all night.
Walking to the front of the crowd, I picked up whispers and sideways
glances directed at me. "What's Lauren doing with her?" and "Maybe she's racing" were some of what I heard. I watched Lauren get out of the car, her eyes on me as she walked around to the front to meet with Zack and the other driver.
"Camila, how's it going?" Ben stepped up next to me. I let out a sigh. Even though I didn't see anyone else I really knew here tonight, I still didn't want to chat with him. I wasn't sure what Jared and I were, but I was interested in finding out.
"Hey, Ben."
"You're here with Lauren?" he inquired.
"Yep," I snipped, not meeting his eyes.
"And you're going to Homecoming with Madoc?" Even though I wasn't
looking at him, I could hear the smile.
What a douche.
"And I might go to prom with Channing Tatum. That's the kind of girl I am. Haven't you heard?" I met his eyes, boldly challenging him.
His shoulders scrunched up, and he let out a nervous laugh. "Alright, if you say so. But I'd opt out of taking Channing Tatum to prom.
It took me a minute to figure it out, but his playful tone sealed the deal. He was joking. He wasn't trying to apologize, and I wasn't trying to avoid him. We were just enjoying some friendly banter, and I felt a little more comfortable that I could handle this. He wasn't pressing for information about my dating status— which was questionable—and I sensed that he wasn't pursuing me anymore.
Grinning at his joke and looking at him like he'd just put pencils up his nose, I knew the tension had finally dissipated. We might never be friends, but were back to the beginning of the year and the simplicity.
Until I saw Lauren spitting fire at us. Zack was speaking to both of the drivers, but Lauren's cold eyes were locked on Ben and me. Her gaze narrowed, and I could tell by the way she breathed through her nose that she was pissed.
Whatever. I rolled my eyes.
"Clear the track!" Zack shouted, and we all herded to the side of the road, kicking up cold dust in our wake.
Jared climbed into her car without sparing me another glance and revved the engine, the bass vibrating under my feet. I cringed when girls started screaming excitedly. It felt like someone stuck a toothpick in my ear.
But that was nothing to the sinking feeling in my stomach when Piper stepped onto the track to send the racers off. She sauntered in front of Lauren's car
wearing a blue school-girl skirt and black halter-top.
I groaned under my breath.
Her gleaming eyes zeroed in on Jared. I couldn't see her face from my angle,
but I knew she was eyeing him. She rocked back and forth, poking out her chest, or maybe that's just how it looked. In the headlights of the cars, I'm sure she was quite a sight. The men in the audience whistled and hooted, and I ran my fingers through my hair to get it off my hot neck.
My fingers curled into fists when I saw her approach her driver's side window. She had it rolled down, and she leaned in, giving her a perfect view of her chest and the other driver a view of her ass. My eyes burned with fire as they almost bugged out of my head.
"Excuse me," I mumbled to Ben before I walked onto the track.
Rounding Lauren's car, I came up to Piper and grabbed her by the hair. I forced her away from her window and pushed her ahead of me.
Too extreme, I told myself. But I wasn't thinking.
And I liked how not thinking felt.
"What the hell?" she shouted and turned to look at me. "Camila," Lauren called, but I ignored her.
The crowd was abuzz in the background, and their chanting for a fight made my heart race. I could barely hear anything else with their unintelligible noise filling the air.
"You bitch!" she snarled. "What the fuck is your problem?" But she didn't wait for my answer. Instead, she charged me in high heels, and I almost laughed. As she stomped up to me, I swept her foot out from underneath her, and she fell to the ground.
As she lay on her ass, I clapped my hands twice in her face and shouted. "Hey! Now that I have your attention, I just want you to know—she's not interested in you." I tossed her words back at her like a pie in the face.
Taking a deep breath, I looked up to Lauren, who had gotten out of her car and looked at me with a mixture of shock and amusement.
"I'm not wallpaper," I clarified, walking up to her.
Pulling the fossil that I'd made for my mom out of the pocket of my hoodie, I pooled the necklace into her palm. "Don't hide from me, and don't ask me to hide," I said for only her to hear.
She nodded and tipped my chin up, running her thumb along my jawbone. I sunk into her, and she caressed my lips with a light kiss. I instantly felt relief. More taunts and whistles came from the crowd, but I only cared about the
warmth of his body close to mine.
"Ahem!" The guy in the next car signaled us loudly. "Lauren, if it's okay with
you, I'd like to get this done some time tonight."
I shook my head and sighed happily. "Good luck," I wished to Lauren as I
pushed away and walked to the crowd.
***
"Are you tired?" Lauren asked as we headed home to which I shook my head. She had won the race, of course, and without a scratch to either car. There
was another bonfire afterwards, but Lauren hadn't even considered it or asked me if I wanted to go. I didn't mind, though, and a giddy tingle spread over my body when I thought she probably just wanted to get home to finish what we started before.
Part of me was scared. We'd almost had sex earlier, and if Sam hadn't interrupted us, we probably would have. Did I want to be with Lauren? I only had to think about it for a second before I knew the answer was yes. But was she ready to be with me?
I wasn't so sure.
I still hated the memories she left me with the past few years, and I wasn't sure if I'd forgiven her. Did I know for sure she wouldn't hurt me again? Did she deserve me?
No. Not yet. Without a doubt, she hadn't earned my trust yet.
"Lauren?" I broke the silence. "Where do you go on the weekends?"
Her fingers tightened around the steering wheel, and she wouldn't look at me. "Just out of town," she mumbled.
"But where?" I pressed. If she cared about me, then it was time to come clean,
about everything.
Her eyebrows creased with annoyance. "What does it matter?" She turned
onto our street and hit the gas way harder than she needed to. My head nearly hit the roof with how roughly she drove over the dip leading to his driveway.
Steadying myself, I grabbed the handle above the window. "Why can Piper know, and I can't?"
"Fuck, Camz." She threw off his seatbelt, and hopped out of the car. "I don't want to talk about it." The edge in her tone was angrier and louder.
I climbed out of the car after him. "You don't want to talk about anything! What do you think's going to happen?"
She stayed on her side of the car, so distant, and she looked at me like I was the enemy. I saw the wall go up behind her eyes. The wall that said we were done.
"What I do with my free time is my business. Trust me or not."
Ugh!
"Trust?" I spat out. "You lost mine a long time ago. But if you try trusting me, then maybe we can be friends again." Or more, I hoped.
She pinned me with disdain. "I think we've moved beyond friends, Camz, but if you want to play that game, then fine. We can have a sleepover, but there will be fucking involved." Her sour words cut me, and I sucked in a breath.
Was I nothing to her? My vision blurred with the tears pooling in my eyes.
She must've seen the pain on my face, because her hard expression faltered, and her eyes dropped.
"Camz . . ." She started walking towards me, her voice softer, but I plucked out the photo I'd stuffed in my pocket and shoved it in her chest. I darted around her and ran home. I barely made it inside the house before I broke down.
No more.
I slid down the door after I'd locked it and cried at her cruelty and my stupidity. Had I really been ready to give her my virginity a couple of hours ago? I banged my head once lightly against the door, but it didn't help erase the blow to my pride.
Lauren didn't deserve me, but with little effort, she'd almost gotten me.
No more.
