Blue is the warmest color

Chapter Sixteen

"Can I ask you a question?" I blurted as soon as I woke up from my thoughts. 

I had been confused the past few days thinking about what kind of relationship I'm having with Luke. We barely know each other but we kiss, we hug and he calls me his baby. I just don't know where this will take me or what kind of place I have in his life, he doesn't even say what we are to each other. 

"You're already asking, girl" Andrew corrected and I swallowed as I sneer at him in my head. He looks at me with his eyebrows raised, waiting for me to ask. 

"Well, what do you think is it called if... if a person kisses you, hugs you, and calls you his baby?" I asked and Andrew suddenly bursts out in laughter. 

"Even that you don't know?" he mocked playfully and i rolled my eyes at him. Of all people, he knows how inexperienced I am when it comes to love. "Well, I think that's called love. That person loves you" he answered. 

I pursed my lips, "But what if you're not dating but you do that?" I asked again. 

"Then you need to talk to him" he advised, "Was it the adonis you brought here?" he asked and I nodded. Andrew covered his mouth as if he was surprised but I could tell he already knew it the moment I asked the question. 

So we really needed to talk but when should I talk to him? I'm pretty packed the whole week plus the election is coming up but is there really such a thing? You're sweet to each other and not dating? 

Is it okay to just stay like that? and if we really do date, will it be fine? No. I can only imagine how disappointed my mom would be but she doesn't even know her daughter's been kissing her husband's patient and allows him to hug her and call her weird names. 

What has happened to me? I always dreamed of a romantic relationship but I'm putting up with this. It's like everything was just so dreamy until I woke up and realize I'm doing it for what? 

I barely even know Lucius. I've never seen him angry or even know his family. I only know things he tells me and things I found out myself but all that are too shallow. There's just no depth. 

But... 

Luke is gentle. I can feel his touch skin-deep like he could reach my soul. He looks at me like I'm valuable and allowed me to see the most vulnerable parts of him. He likes the smell of my hair and shares his warmth with me whenever we hug. 

The things I felt with him, I never felt it with anybody else and Anastasia is long gone. But, when I think about her, I always felt like all this was never meant to be mine because I'm just a girl who has her face. 

If I didn't look like her, would Luke's eyes ever meet mine? 

I shrugged my shoulders as I rid of the thought. I shouldn't be thinking about things that will make me upset. I looked at my hands as I reminisce the feeling when Luke's hands are on them. Whatever I'm doing now, I loved it. Nevertheless...

"Oh honey! You're finally home!" my mom welcomed merrily as she opens the front door for me. 

This is weird. She usually comes late. I smiled at her as I gave her a hug and then I saw Sherina Jackson, sitting with Luke in the dining room. 

"What... what is she doing here?" I asked, my mind puzzled. 

Why would Sherina Jackson come to my house? her enemy? Then I suddenly remember, the look on her face from the day of the interview. She wasn't here for me, she was here for Luke. 

My heart raced as I walked towards them while looking at Luke who seemed quiet and Sherina who was talking a lot. She paused when she sees me and smiled at me like we were friends. This bitch. 

"I came to visit my old friend, Lucius" she told me with eyes looking flirtatiously towards my precious Luke, "Why don't you join us?" she invited but I refused. 

I ran to my room in a hurry and locked the door. How can I relax on that table knowing that girl has slept with the person I cherish the most in the world? I closed my eyes as I start to imagine things. 

Gross images of Luke and her kissing and having sex. 

I was just about to cry when there was suddenly a knock on my door. It must be mom. 

"I'm... I'm tired" I tried to say, desperate to not let my voice shake. 

The knock continued and I had to open it. As abrupt as it happened, a hand held my back as the door quickly closes behind me and I found his lips crashed on mine. 

"mm... Luke, st-o" I couldn't say word nor push him away. He wouldn't stop and I couldn't either. He stops and looks at me intently then he kisses my neck, down to my stomach, then he lifted my skirt and took off my underwear. 

I thought I wanted to stop him and refuse but instead I just covered my mouth in embarrassment but Luke held them and pinned them down the door as he kisses my lips gently again. 

This is so hot. We never kissed like this before. It's like he's thirsty and so I am. Tears are coming out of my eyes and he wipes them with his thumb every time they fall and kisses me without saying a word, just trying to comfort me. 

His touch, his warmth is the only thing I felt that's closest to reality. Now, I don't really care if he's fucked up. I got this overwhelming feeling to let him change the world I once knew and turn it into a world I want with him. I don't care how that world will look , if it's ugly and terrifying or beautiful; All I know is that as long as I can hold his hand like this... I'll be fine. 

He unzips his pants while looking at me in the eyes, our foreheads colliding, and I could feel his warm tip touching me. Are we doing this? Is this finally the day I'm losing my virginity? 

I bit my lip as I held onto his neck but suddenly, Luke's hands trembled as he looks down weakly, laying his head on my shoulder. "Helena I couldn't do it to you" he cried and I can feel the pain in his voice. 

"As badly as I wanted to... I couldn't" he added, his arms tightly wraps around me as he kisses my head. "Please don't misunderstand me" he begged, "I've always seen sex as something bad. I always seen it as something I was only doing to finish the job... this is the first time I felt I don't feel the need to sleep with you, Helena. I'm happy with just staying by your side" he explained and explaining that, I understood his point... somehow. 

I can only think of two reasons why a person can have such negative feeling towards sex and it's either he was raised to think like that or he was... sexually abused. Luke, what has that place done to you? 

I lifted my hands as I cup his face, smiling at him, letting him know everything's fine. This feeling might sting now but I have to think there's no troubling difference between me and Sherina; she probably has never seen this side of him that trembles at the thought of doing it... she probably has never seen such lonely eyes that's trapped in the memories of a dark past. 

Oh my Luke. 

I raised my arms to him and pulls him to a hug, my tears freely rolls down my cheeks now as I unmask everything. I wanted to be as vulnerable as he is, as pained as he is. 

I want him to show me more so I can... love him more. 

"Why'd you come after me when you have a visitor?" I asked, my face is still buried on his shoulders. His broad, beautiful shoulders that must've carried the burdens brought by the cruel world he's been fighting alone. 

"Because I knew you'd be upset" he answered, his voice sounded even more beautiful now that it was barely a whisper. 

This boy... no matter what we are in each other's life, cares deeply about what I feel and it's enough for me to know he adores me as much as I do. 

"I love you" I confessed. I have never said it this bravely but I should say it at least. 

Luke shows me a small smile as he plants a kiss on my forehead, how romantic. 

"I love you" he said. 

~fin