Blue is the warmest color

Chapter Five

I breathed deeply as I calmed myself. I realized I feared this moment most than when I dropped a point in my general average. I always like to put myself on places I am comfortable with, where I don't have to fear over anything but this is beyond what I can do, the first time I ever walked and fought the fear of the dark just to find someone. Just to find Luke. 

He stood up and offered to help me climb up the boulder but I refused to even hold his hand. I'm afraid of the way it felt when we first shake hands, I don't want that electricity flowing inside me again. 

"Why did you come here?" I asked, still a bit angry. 

I wanted to scold him but you can't get angry at someone who's under depression. I bit my lips as I looked at him, "Sorry about calling you an idiot and a lunatic, I was so scared" I said as we both sat together, crossing our legs. 

"It's fine" he uttered, "It was so brave of you to come" he added. 

"Of course!" I said, "We can't afford to lose you" 

"Or you can't afford to lose me?" he teased. I raised an arm attempting to hit him but I gave up and just cursed inside my head. Why does he like to mess with me like that? 

"Don't say things like that" I spatted, "I'm not...into you" I said softly and he chuckled. 

"I'll tell you a secret" he declared, "About my name" he added. "But first, tell me honestly" he continued and it's making me nervous, "Why you blushed when we accidentally touched hands on the railing" 

I looked down and flushed, my heart beat. The only sensation that only him made me feel, is the heart that raced like a jet and a strange desire that overflows to my skin. 

"Why do you want to know?" I asked boldly and I may not be able to see clearly because of the dark but I could feel his eyes on me. "Because you confused my heart" he uttered then he grabbed my hand and put it over his chest to where his heart is. "When I looked at you, I feel attached" he said and my eyes starts to water as I slowly pulled my hand away. 

It feels like time just stopped when he spoke. It feels painful and comforting. It feels ridiculously wrong. 

"It didn't mean anything" I lied, "When I blushed, it didn't mean anything" I repeated. I couldn't tell him what I felt. I believe it isn't right. I would've told him he confused me too but I heard how his voice sounded like when he said he'd tell her he was a changed man, I'm simply looking forward until he becomes that man to Anastasia. "Why are you telling me this?" I asked. 

"I found the comfort to tell you things I couldn't tell Dr. Gray and it's funny because it's you" he said and my eyebrow raised, "Why should it be funny?" I asked and suddenly I felt his hand on mine, his fingers curled around into a grip. "Because I find you fascinating" he said softly, the gentlest sound of his voice. 

My heart beats rapidly and I looked away to smile but the thought of being happy held me back when I remembered who he is and what he is. A drug addict blessed with the beauty of an Adonis. Someone who isn't normal and someone I should have doubts with. Someone that's not fit to love someone like me. 

"Well, I don't find you fascinating at all" I frankly said, pulling my hand away from his as I buried my face in between my knees. What a liar I had become. 

I don't know what time it is but there was long silence between the both of us. I wonder if I hurt him, is it even proper that I said that to him? Buy why should I tell him I like him for the sake of his mental health? He have Anastasia and he is as confused as I am. 

"Luke" I uttered, breaking the long silence that shadowed us. I took the flashlight from him and I stood up, holding his hand as I guided him down the boulder. As the water drenched my feet, I pulled Lucius into the water with me until the water level's reached my chest. It was cold but not the kind that shivers. It was a gentle cold mixed with the warmth of Luke's presence.