BURN OUT - niko vilhelm

IV. worrying tomorrow

I ripped off the paper of the door and went inside. I sat down on my couch and buried my face in my hands. What the hell am I going to do? The landlord has already warned me three times about the unpaid rents but I completely forgot. Okay I didn't forget I was just hoping that he would. Honestly I spent all my money i saved on drugs and clubs. Three months ago I quit my job as a barista in a coffee shop because it was boring, I hated it. I saved up enough money to afford living here and not working for another five months but I guess this lifestyle requires more money than I thought. The note on my door says that I have five days to move out. Even if I find another job I won't get paid for at least a month. I know that I'm irresponsible. I always have been. Even as a child. I hate this part of myself but I don't have energy to do anything about it. That's why I stood up and went to my bedroom and laid down my bed. I searched for my elephant plushie and fell asleep immediately. I'll worry about it tomorrow, I'm too tired.

I woke up around 10 AM and I went straight to the bathroom to take a shower. When I saw myself in the mirror I was disgusted how my makeup and dyed blonde hair looked. After I finished washing my hair I went to the kitchen and opened the fridge, hoping that I have a RedBull in there. Thankfully there was one so I started drinking it. I never liked coffee, I think it's overrated and it smells bad. The worst thing is when someone just drank a cup of coffee and leans close to you and you can smell the drinks typical scent coming out of their mouth.And also I feel the urge to take a shit after a single sip of it. Maybe that's why I didn't like my job at the café.
I spent the whole day craving ice cream and looking for jobs that pay daily but I didn't find anything. It was already dark outside when I decided to get up and go to the store to get something to eat so I got dressed and left in a hurry because I was afraid I would turn back because I was so tired. I arrived at the small 0-24 store and started looking for something to eat but there was nothing I liked so I went to the liquor fridge and picked out a bottle of vodka, a few beers and a RedBull for tomorrow morning.
I choose vodka because that was the cheapest booze and now I have to spend less money because who knows when I will find a job, and if I have to be homeless for a little while I should have some money in my pockets,right? I smiled at my misery and paid for the things I wanted to buy. As I walked towards the exit I remembered that my dad always said that drinking with an empty stomach is not good so I turned around and bought a pack of gum as well. Now you can be proud dad.
When I arrived home I wrote a message to Manu asking if he wanted to join me. He quickly replied with a 'yes' so I sent him my location.
I'm not depressed, and I'm not sad, honestly. It may seem like I am but I've never been happier in my life. I never needed people to be around me, I never needed many friends. I chose not to have many friends and I chose to live alone and I made every single choice I made in my life exactly the way I wanted to. Yes, sometimes shit happens like getting kicked out of my apartment or getting arrested or waking up with a face tattoo that says 'very rare' -I don't even know what that means but it doesn't matter anyways- but I'm happy I made those choices that led me to these things because I feel good.
Manu arrived soon and he brought a bottle of wine, how polite. We started drinking and talking about what happened yesterday. We laughed at how he didn't even know the name of the guy he was making out with. I told him the full story as well about what happened to me while I was away.
"That's actually really sweet." He said while pouring another shot of vodka for us.
"More like creepy and weird." I said while laughing a little.
"Why don't you call him? Some extra money can't hurt. You meet him in the afternoons for a few hours, he buys you drinks, food ,you're being nice to him maybe have a little fun as well. " he winked. I knew exactly what kind of fun he meant. "I can assure you that you can make him fall in love with you in less than 2 weeks." He wasn't wrong but he wasn't right either. I don't want a sugar daddy 'cause that's what basically he would be if I agreed to take the deal. Manu tried to convince me to call him for about an hour but I resisted.
We were quite drunk but we wanted to drink more so we decided to go to a pub nearby. As we arrived I instantly went to the bar and ordered some shots for us. We drank them and luckily we found an empty table so we sat down. I swear if we didn't sit down when we did I would have puked. My stomach felt awful, probably because I haven't eaten anything today but then I remembered the pack of gum in my pockets. While I was looking for it I saw a familiar face. I knew immediately who that was but I didn't want to recognise it so I decided to ignore it.
Manu and I were laughing at god knows what when I realised that I only know him for two days, it feels way longer than that. He understands me so much and I understand him, it feels good.
A waiter came up to our table with six shots of water looking liquid. We told him that we didn't order anything at he said that a guy paid for it and pointed at the guy I was planning to ignore. You could have guessed it,it was Niko of course who I met last night. I hate the universe 'cause it always does this. When you're trying to ignore someone it throws them to your face. This is so awkward I really hope he won't try to talk to me. I waved him as a thank you and quickly drank three of the six shots. It was tequila. Manu looked at me with a surprised face and took a shot himself. I could see that he didn't like the taste by the impression he made.
"I'm not drinking that, you can have it." He said with the same impression on his face. I laughed quietly and drank his leftovers as well. Maybe it was a mistake 'cause at this point I couldn't control my body and I barely acknowledged what I said or did.
The rest of the night is blurry but I remember that Niko ignored me completely. I looked at him a few times to see if he was staring but he wasn't which made me mad. Every girl loves attention, we love to be adored and even though I wanted nothing from this guy I thought he would be staring since he bought us drinks and literally asked me to be his girlfriend and now he acts like I'm not even here.
A few moments later I found myself at home. I don't know how I got here but Manu was here as well so I didn't have to worry about anything, except about not being able to afford my living, but I'll worry about that tomorrow, I know I said the same thing yesterday.