Book 1: Brutality

Silence

1

"Your silence will not protect you" - Audre Lorde

~Trigger Warning~

It's been a year since I've spoken a single word in public. I know this because Myriil just told me.

"Xara," he says, "you haven't spoken a single word in public for a full year. What is the matter?"

He really wants to know, that's the hurtful part. His catlike eyes hold a hint of concern in his craggy face but I can't help but give a shrug. I used to talk to Myriil easily enough, but lately it's gotten harder and harder.

"Answer me, Xara." His voice takes on a dangerous edge.

"I...it's hard." I hate the fact that my voice comes out hoarse and slow. I let out a cough to clear my throat. "It's hard for me to talk these days."

This is true, but not the whole truth. The truth is, I decided a long time ago, without consciously being aware of my decision, that I wouldn't talk. After all, if speaking to a faerie is bound to get you into dire trouble at some point and you live your life surrounded by them, why should you speak? It's maladaptive. I smile a little, savouring my inner vocabulary. I may not talk, but I still love words.

Outside, I can hear my sister, Ari's voice raised in challenge as she practices swordplay with Myriil's knights. Ari would never take on silence as I have done. She has never been afraid to speak out, even to Prince Curuion. She goes to every event, even class.

I stopped going to class six months ago. School was a miserable purgatory, and it's not like I was learning anything there — but try persuading Ari of that. She spent the better part of an afternoon yelling at me about how weak I was, how I was making both me and her look bad in front of our so called classmates and how I was confirming their opinion that we were a pair of worthless mortals, etc.

I didn't respond to her then, I didn't say a single word and eventually, she gave up.

"Why is it hard?" Myriil's sharp, interrogative voice jerks me back to the present. "Are you ill?" Then his voice takes on the perennial cry of a frustrated parent, "What's the matter with you?"

He sounds just like he's my father. That is pretty ironic considering everything. I have two sisters, Ari and Keya. Ari and I are completely human while Keya is only half human. You're probably wondering at this point what a bunch of humans are doing here in Faerie.

Here's the deal - Our mother was human and she used to be married to Myriil here in Faerie. She was pregnant with his daughter, Keya, when she ran off with a human, my and Ari's father, back to Earth. It took Myriil 10 years to track her down but he was relentless and track her down he did.

Ari and I were seven years old when he murdered our parents in front of us. To avenge his so called honour, he murdered the woman he loved and the man she cheated on him with. Then, because we were his former wife's daughters, he assumed responsibility for us all and took us to Faerie as his adoptive daughters.

This is fairly typical of Faerie laws and dealings. You still wondering why I don't talk? The sick part about all this is he loves us, he really does. And in a twisted sort of way, I love him because he's the only father I've got.

So, it hurts me to see him anxious and I force myself to speak. "Nothing, I just don't want to talk."

He lets out an impatient huff and paces to the window. We're in his study, overlooking his lands. Outside, Faerie spreads in a gorgeous array. The island we are on, one of the islands of the High King's court, is like a glowing green jewel in a sea of sapphire.

Even at my worst times, even when I feel like I will be sick at the next sight of a faerie, I take in the beauty of this place. It feeds my soul, even as I shiver in disgust or shrink back in fear. Well, at least, it used to. Lately, I haven't been able to take pleasure in anything and that includes Faerie's beauty.

"Silence can be a good strategy," he says at last. "It can hide one from one's enemies...hide one's true intentions. But, like all strategies, it cannot be used in every situation. Every campaign is won differently." He turns back to me. "What campaign are you fighting, Xara?"

It's typical that he'd use military imagery here. He's a general, the finest King Elbauthin has. He's also a redcap; he loves war and aches for it as a pixie aches for honey. We've had a long period of peace and it makes him irritable.

I shrug. Adolescent, I know, but there's no way I can tell him that I am campaigning for survival. That every day is a war for a human girl at the High Court, surrounded by creatures that can kill you at a snap of their fingers. It doesn't help that a whole lot of these creatures do wish to kill me.

Back when I was still attending class, I had to screw up my courage before I went to school with the sneering children because the slightest misstep or saying the wrong word could lead to disaster. And, to me, it's better not to speak at all than to say that fatal word.

There's a tap at the door and Naela, Myriil's wife — my stepmother, strides in. "Have you lectured her enough?" She asks him, "The dressmaker's here with the girls' gowns." She smiles at me and I smile back.

Myriil waves a huge, clawed hand. "Very well." He fixes me with a hard gaze. "I expect you to talk to someone at the ball tomorrow night, Xara. At least, say hello to Prince Barathalion."

I stiffen at this and Naela becomes alert behind me. Myriil raises an eyebrow. "Did you two think I hadn't noticed? How could I miss a High Prince paying attention to my daughter?" He eyes me like I'm a recalcitrant warhorse. "Be pleasant to him, Xara. His favour could get us far."

~Fun Fact~

Vending machines are bigger threats to humanity than sharks.

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