His Personal Jock

Chapter 20

Noah's POV-

Okay...

No need to freak out...

It's not like Kyle just dropped that he wants me to spend the night at his house and I ran to the bathroom to calm down my loud ass heartbeat.

.....Don't look at me like that. It's nerve wracking! If an attractive guy asked you to spend the night I know damn well you'd be a mess.

It doesn't matter since I'm straight right?

Angel me popped up on my left shoulder.
That's the whole point Noah! What if he develops feelings for you. How would you be able to handle that you idiot?!
Poof, devil me pops up on my right shoulder.

Well, not to be a sinner or anything but what if you're not straight bud. I mean... you did sleep with him. And you think he's attractive and stuff..

I splash cold water on my face to get rid of my stupid hallucinations. I've never felt so confused in my life. I mean sure... I used to have something with a boy but I just turned 13 and I figured that it was just the hormones.

This whole thing is making my head spin. I don't understand anything that's going on in my life right now.

There was a knock on the bathroom door.

"Occupied!" I said a little loud but not exactly yelling.

"It's me Kyle."

Shit.

"If you don't wanna spend the night here I completely understand bro."

That's not it I'm just a fucking mess.

"I mean I can take you home right now if you really wanna go."

I...

I don't know what I want...

"Noah? Are you okay?"

I swung the door open with tears in my eyes and I felt my cheeks heat up from embarrassment. Why am I always such a wreck in front of him? There's no reasons for me to feel like this towards him.

"Did I make you cry?! Shit dude, I'm so sorry for whatever I did! Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

I met Kyle's worried eyes and just let the tears fall.

"I'm just so. Confused. I've never been so confused."

*******

Kyle opened and shut his bedroom door and handed me the hot coco. I took it and smiled softly at the little marshmallows. We sat in silence except I didn't enjoy the silence this time. It felt much more awkward than the other silences I've experienced with Kyle.

"So uhm," I perked my head up, "Wanna talk about it?"

I bit the corner of my lip, thinking whether I should let him in or not.
Maybe.. maybe he's different from the others. Not all of them are players right?

I peeked at Kyke to see him already staring at me. He looked so worried.. like a puppy dog. As if he couldn't harm a fly. I took a sip of my coco after feeling that it cooled down enough and nodded.

"Yeah.. I'll talk about it.."

I gripped my cup,

"Lately I've been feeling things I don't want to feel. And I've never felt so confused in my life about them."

I peeked up at Luke to see him listening intently, picking up on my every word. I told myself to go on and continue.

"There's this.. person. And whenever I see them, I feel all warm inside. They make me laugh and even when I told them to 'fuck off' they just kept persisting and eventually I let them have a spot somewhere in my life. But the last time I felt like this about someone everything went to shit and it was this whole mess and honestly," I looked Kyle in his eyes on the verge of tears again, "I've never been so scared."

I broke down in tears again as my fathers voice rang in my head about sinning, and about burning in hell. The word 'fag' kept replaying in my head like a broken record. I felt like I was drowning in an ocean and I couldn't swim. I felt suffocated.

I was cleared of my thoughts when I felt Kyle's wrap his arms around me. I was taken by surprise and widened my eyes as I felt him squeeze a bit.

"I.. I'm not the best with words, but whoever this person you have these emotions for are so lucky. I won't press any further or pry into your past for why you're scared about these feelings, but just know if you ever need an escape or a distraction. I'm here. I don't know what else to say other than I'm here and if they ever- and I mean ever hurt you. I'll beat their ass or have one of the cheerleaders do it for me if this person is a girl."

I smiled a bit at the one thought that came into my head.

He just might be different.