His Personal Jock

Chapter 24

Noah's POV-

After the little ab discussion me and Kyle were laying on the bed in a comfortable silence. I stared at his ceiling with thoughts racing through my head.

"Hey, Noah?" Kyle said in a soft voice. I hummed in response to let him know I was listening.

"What are we?"

Those three words made my heart race. It felt like my throat was closing up so I sat up and took a deep breath to hopefully put some air into my lungs.

I fiddled with my fingers hoping that the question will float into the air and disappear. A stupid wish that we all know isn't going to come true. I heard Kyle sit up.

"Noah?"

His voice was soft and full of concern,

"Noah please look at me."

I turned my head to face him and I felt my anxiety creep up on me.

You don't deserve to be his boyfriend. You know that. You deserve nothing.

I felt Kyle's hand touch my cheek and gently caress it. I looked him in his eyes and visibly gulped. I took another deep breath because I started to feel suffocated. I'm such a fucking mess, how can I explain that I'm too much of a wreck to even be in a relationship right now?

Noah, he deserves to know. He's done nothing but be considerate. Don't lead him on with no answer.

"Kyle I.. I'm not ready for a relationship right now,"

I forced my eyes to look away from him so the guilt wouldn't eat me up more than it already was,

"Label's suffocate me and I wouldn't be a good boyfriend at all. I'm a mess, everyone in this town hates my dad, I'm selfish, and with the way I overthink I'll cause you nothing but trouble. I probably shouldn't have gotten your hopes up with that kiss and I'm so utterly sorry."

Before I could continue on and explain why we shouldn't date Kyle spoke up.

"It's okay to not be ready you know.. and I don't mind not having a label or waiting for you. Labels are overrated anyways right? We can just be Kyle and Noah for a while until you are ready. And so what if this town hates your dad? You've done nothing wrong. Your parents don't define you. You're Noah, not them."

You don't deserve him. You don't deserve the way he cares. You don't deserve someone so understanding. What if you hurt him? You wouldn't be able to live with that. He deserves better. You should let him have better. You can see that he's hurting just as much as you.. let him go to someone who will heal his scars, not open them back up.

I felt Kyle's arms wrap around me. He squeezed me tight as if sending a silent message that it'll be okay. Like we'll be okay. I hugged him back and slowly felt my anxiety floating away. It felt safe in his arms, like nothing can hurt me.

Would it be okay.. I thought, if I selfishly accepted this love that he so kindly offers to me? Even just for a fleeting moment, I can pretend that I'm not a mess and he's not someone who has a mask on all the time?

While in his arms and the comfortable silence that surrounded us. For a second, the world felt okay. My worries melted away and I took in his scent. We're just two shattered souls sitting in each others embrace, as if we were the only thing in this fucked up world that felt right.

I'll fix myself. Somehow, I'll become better for him.

He really is different...