Him & I - Allium Duo Angst

Chapter 19

Tommy's POV

The letter is in italics

TW: su!c!dal thoughts, bridges, mentions orphanages, crying, writing a su!c!de letter, mentions house fires, mentions sacrifice, mentions su!c!de, mentions death

I ran out of the orphanage, tears running down my face.

"He doesn't care about you! He never did! Or else he would've trusted you enough to tell you!" I mumbled to myself.

I began running to the bridge about an hour away from here. Hopefully less since I was running.

I got to the bridge, out of breath and red faced.

I pulled out my phone and sat down in the shadows of the railing.

I began writing a draft of a suicide letter on my Notes app.

Dear Everyone.

I wonder if I was the one you expected to feel this way. Well a lot has happened in the past few years that you don't know about.

We'll start off with lighter stuff! So I secretly love to watercolor! I love painting flowers, specifically alliums and yellow roses. Someone close to me told me alliums represent unity, good fortune, prosperity, humility and patience. Honestly I don't know what most of those words mean but I guess it's fine. Yellow roses stand for friendship though which I always thought was nice. If you go into my room you'll see walls covered in paintings of them. They all have dates so you can see how far I've come with them. I kept it a secret because I didn't want to be called girly like I had been by other people. After all I'm a Big Man >:)

Now for more serious stuff. A few years ago I became an orphan. It was a house fire. I don't really remember much if I'm honest. Mainly just red and orange, heat and pain. And then the Hospital and the news about my parents afterwards. Sorry I didn't tell you. I always thought I'd be told I was saying it for attention. But Tubbo- thank your parents for being so amazing to me.

Now for even more serious stuff. Around 2 weeks ago I was in a shooting. The shooting at the orphanage that came up on the news and someone died protecting one of the orphans? That orphan was me. It was at my orphanage. I saw the body. I heard it fall to the ground. I've been suffering from nightmares for weeks. Like I did after my parents' deaths. That's why I streamed for so long after it. I was terrified to go to sleep and wake up screaming and crying and covered in sweat. I never want that to happen again.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you all this earlier. I probably would've never told any of you. But something happened earlier which means this is now my last chance to tell you all. I'm sorry that this is goodbye.

I love you all so much (A/N platonically) and can't imagine life without you. I can however imagine an afterlife waiting for you to join me.

I want you all to grow up and live your lives. If you want, you guys could like get married and start families. If you do name one of your kids after their Uncle Tommy? That'd be really cool. And if you named one Taurus as well? The name has grown on me recently. But yeah. I'll keep an eye over you and all your kids and grandkids and whatever. Show them pictures and tell them stories and tell them all about how their Uncle Tommy loves them so much kk?

I feel like I've created some amazing stories to tell your grandkids. Skydiving, driving tanks, shooting bazookas, being chased by hundreds of me's... and that's not even all of them.

You've all changed my life for the better. Thank you and goodbye.

-Tommy <3

As I finished signing it I heard a familiar yet painful voice.

"Tommy?"

"Taurus?"

We sat in silence for a few minutes together just holding each other tightly. (A/N platonic)

"So not only are we water colour buddies we're also suicide buddies?" Taurus joked. We both laughed but it was humourless. It sounded too fake.

I opened my Notes page with my suicide letter on it and handed it to him. He read through it.

"My Mum was the one who died for you."

"Guess when we get up there we can thank her."

"Guess so."

We relaxed more.

"Is it okay if I write on here too? And we can send our letters to that stupid group chat no one uses together?" Taurus asked.

I nodded quietly and waited as he wrote his letter down. I looked at the time on my watch.

1:46am.

It was pretty at this time. Shooting stars, planets, the moon, the water from the stream below us glistening in the light. I looked down into it and realised that there were alliums growing around it. What a perfect spot to die with your best friend.

When Ranboo was done we sent it to the group chat before looking at each other and taking a deep breath. 

A/N So that's another chapter out. This is the second to last chapter and so I'll upload the next chapter sometime soon, so I have plenty of time to put up the next book, and make it detailed and such, instead of it being really rushed :)