House of Ashes [Complete]

61. Separation | جدائی

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Throwing the door open, she dashed inside her room, hyperventilating. Tears marred her face as they cascaded down. Steadily. Drop by drop. Just like the remnants of their love.

Her brain bad stopped functioning. Taking small steps, she ambled towards the corner of the room and slid down against the cold floor. The drawn back curtain covered her but the curtain over her mind had been lifted once again as her mind took a stroll down the memory lane. The grave past of hers.

Her Tormentor. The Marriage. The States. The House. The Room.

And her.

The whole idea of marriage appeared horrid to her now. She trusted Saqib; but more than that, she trusted her father.

And she trusted Azlan more than the two of them.

But the fear, oh, the fear was great. Enormous to be precise. She knew he could never do such thing but the fear had been so deeply ingrained in her mind that she couldn’t just flick it away. It would always be there, because she hadn’t just heard the horrible tale; she had experienced it. Lived it. And she had felt it in her bones. Every mark, every scar in her body was a testament of that.

She was a walking reminder of it. Her blemished body was her truth. Not Azlan. Not Neelum Valley. Not the school. But her violent past, which didn’t feel so far anymore. She could hear her screams from near now. It was all snapping in her head as if happening right away. Her wretched pleas, begging for his mercy. Her screams. His blusters.

The letters engraved on her back.

One memory after another spiralled down in front of her, merging together, hauling her back towards perpetual labyrinth.

Wrapping her arms around her torso, she concealed herself. He wasn’t here, she was aware. He wasn’t alive, she knew that too. But he was very much alive in her memory, and that was enough to rattle her.

She took a deep breath. She couldn’t let him get to her again. She couldn’t let him win ever after defeating him.

She didn’t know if it was the cold that had seeped into her or the chills running inside her, but she felt terribly cold. In her attempt to secure herself against it, she walked towards the cupboard and discarded the first article of clothing. Even though the room was bathing in darkness she could still not misjudge that particular fabric.

That half burnt mess.

Heaving a deep breath she enveloped it around herself and closed her eyes. And in that moment, she felt safe. Secure.

She looked out the window. The snow fell as smoothly as it could, intensifying the cold. But somehow she felt warmth.

“I’m safe.” She whispered to herself as she cinched the jacket closer and pressed her hands against her heart. The beating was coming to a steady movement now. She was safe.
But the question still stood. Would she ever be able to consent to what Azlan had proposed with so much conviction and hope?

She did love him. There were no two ways about it. She might have never admitted her partiality towards him to him, but she had acknowledged her feelings long back. And she was sure of them.