House of Ashes [Complete]

20. Anguish | رنج

Her back straightened up as the tentacles of coldest night wrapped around her like a shroud, suffocating her. She had bathed Ayyan, told him the stories of warriors and fighters, and put him to bed.

But now as she sat in the deserted corridor, she questioned her own strength. She had strength. Oh, so much of it. But that for herself only. She had been through the worst and still emerged out of it. Physically. Not mentally. But now that it came to Ayyan, she felt being robbed of every ounce of strength.

Drawing a deep breath, she pulled her cashmere closer. God, it was chilling out her or was it the coldness inside her, eating away at her? She rubbed her hands together and blew in them to warm herself up when she felt something thick and warm being spread over her. She looked up. It was Azlan, putting his jacket on her.

"I don't need it. I'm fine." She looked away.

"I don't need it as well. Might just bring it to use." He sat a chair away from her.

She didn't argue. No matter how much she wanted to be rebellious and throw it right in his face, she couldn't. She needed the warmth or else she'd turn into an ice sculpture. She drew the jacket closer to her as she wallowed in the sporadic turn Ayyan's life had taken.

Tears found their way back in her torn and hollow eyes and she sniffed, his lingering scent of musk and cinnamon in the jacket enveloping its wings over her bruised and broken soul while she stared at the opposite wall, her vision blury due to the thick sheen of precipitation. The scent eased her. It calmed her nerves. But the storm was much heavier.

What would she tell Mansha? Would she be strong enough to accept it, let alone handle? And what about their father? What would be his reaction? Would he disown his own son after knowing his illness or realize his mistake and repent?

Everything was messed up. Her mind was a wreck. It was too much to deal with. He was just eight. Just eight, dammit. He didn't deserve this. His whole life was lying ahead of him and he deserved to live it, embrace it. You're acting as if he's dead. Oh no, even the thought smothered her. He'd survive. He had to.

Never had he ever imagined seeing her in pain would shatter him. Wasn't this the exact thing he wanted? To torture her? To bring nothing but agony in her life?

But the situation was different and the anguish was same. Both could understand each other's pain... share it. Their eyes mirrored each other's emotions as the center of their lives and the cause of their worry was one and same right now.

He looked at her with sorrow, his own heart going erratic. She was in pain and he wasn't liking it. Fuck, he wanted to snatch it away. It wasn't right. Safa means pure and she was nothing but pure. She didn't deserve the storm raging up inside her.

He held his hand out to put on her clasped ones she was squeezing so hard to stop herself from crying. He wanted to placate her. To assure her that everything would be alright. That Ayyan would be alright. But he couldn't. He couldn't stand to touch her as if she was made of salt and would break into fragments under his sinister touch. Neither did he have it in him to stand her touch against his. He had hurt her so much and now all the strength in him had been lost. He didn't have it in him to wash away her agony after being the cause of it himself once.

So he pulled it back but she had seen him already. He wiggled his eyes sideways like a kid does on being caught for stealing the candies his parents had hidden from him, while she prodded him with hers.

"Uhh... where's Arham?" He asked, not meeting her eyes.

"I sent him back." She looked away, interlacing her hands together.

"What? Why?"

She stared at him as if she doubted his sanity. "To do exactly what you had sent him to do there."

"And what about you?"

"What about me? I'll stay here with Ayyan."

"Here? In the hospital?" His tone surprising.

"Of course."

"Ms. Hayat, you can't make hospital your home. I think you're mature enough to understand that. Stop behaving like a kid."

"I'm not making it my home. I'll just stay until Ayyan get back to health and don't expect me to leave him. I'm not going back. I can't. I'll go crazy." She unknowingly squeezed back in his large jacket as if scared that he'd pick her up and forcefully take her back to the village.

She had already asked Arham and Asmara to take care of Mansha and knew they'd handle her father in case he created any ruckus.

"I'm not asking you to go back." His voice was surprisingly calm. "You can come with me... to my house." He looked at her from the corner of his eyes, his elbows placed on his knees, hands clasped together.

"WHAT? ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS?" She squawked, then, looked sideways to see if anyone was around to hear her abnormally shrill voice.

"Yes, I am, very much. And I'm sure if you stay here with this attitude of yours, the authorities would kick you out in no time themselves." She knew he was referring to her shriek.

"But I can't stay with you."

"It's not like I'm asking you to stay in my room. You can crash in the guest room. Or with Raina if you want."

"Who's Raina?"

"My sister."

"YOU HAVE A SISTER?" She bit her tongue for yelling again. He narrowed his eyes.

"Why... I can't have a sister?" He arched a perfect eyebrow.

She shrugged, not knowing what to say. She had always imagined him without a family. God, she thought he didn't even have parents, let alone siblings, as if he had been thrown from the sky and landed on earth solely. Just like how her parents would tell her babies are born when she'd bug them about it as a kid.

"So?"

"Huh?" She turned her head toward him, being pulled out of her trance. "But what about Ayyan? I want to stay with him for the night."

"He has been staying without you all his life and I think he's been doing pretty well." His words stung her, much to his realization as he smacked himself mentally for being so harsh again. "I mean, you've had quite an exhausting ride to here and your eyes are already drooping. The staff here is really good and cooperative, always accompany him. You go home, get some sleep and I'll drop you here first thing in the morning. Besides, he's already sleeping. Your presence might wake him up."

He was right. God, she hated it when he was right. She struggled between her thoughts as she brooded over the proposed idea. What if his family is maniac like him, too? 

She didn't trust people easily. Can anyone blame her for that? But she didn't have any other option as well. The treatment could take ages as far as she knew, and she didn't have anywhere else to stay. Hotels were out of option. Guess, I don't have any other option, then.

She didn't know why but this small part of hers, just a smallish one, trusted him. That he wouldn't take advantage of her or hurt her when she was this miserable. Maybe because of the fact he had been here for Ayyan when he wasn't even related to him or maybe because he hid everything from her because he didn't want to worry her more than she already was. Whatever it was, she didn't know. All she knew was that she trusted him enough to know he wouldn't do anything wrong.

"Alright, I'll go with you."

******

A/N

Frackkk, there were few more scenes I wanted to to add in this chapter but I guess I'll have to save them for the next as this one got pretty long. Anyways, what do you guys think about the way the story is proceeding. God, I'm nervous. Your feedback might help.