Vicki Manser Short Stories

Dont leave me - 1

Vicki POV

I wake up and immediately feel sad. Frankie leaves today to go back to Germany. I don't know how I'm going to cope without her. She gives me confidence and makes me happy. I snuggle into her as she sleeps. I'm not going to be able to do this for a while. I feel tears starting to collect in my eyes. I let them fall.

Frankie wakes up. "Hey, why are you crying?" She asks me. "I don't want you to go," I say, starting to cry more. Frankie pulls me into her chest. "You'll be ok, you've got the rest of the girls you can talk to and ask for a cuddle when you need." She says to me "but they don't understand me like you do, they ask questions," I say starting to sob. Frankie just holds me close and let's me cry.

I stop crying and just hold onto Frankie as tight as I can. I really don't want her to go again. "Do you want to help me finish packing?" She asks. I nod my head slightly and start helping her finish. When we are finished we go get ready for the day. Frankie is getting a taxi to the airport so I can't go with her.

Frankie POV

My taxi arrives so I start packing my bags into it. I see Vicki stood at the door, Maddie, Harriet and Lauren stood behind her. I see tears falling down Vicki's face. I pull her into a hug. "You'll be ok. I'll call you every night and every morning. Talk to the others, if you want a hug from someone just ask them." I say to her. She nods slightly. The taxi driver beeps the horn and I know I have to go. I pull away from the hug and Harriet takes Vicki into her arms. I can hear Vicki sobbing loudly. I go get in the taxi and we drive off to the airport.

Lauren POV

Frankie has to leave. Harriet takes Vicki into her arms and Vicki starts sobbing. Harriet picks Vicki up and we all go into the living room and sit down on the sofas. We get out the VR. "Do you want a go Vicki?" I ask her. She is the only one who hasn't played on it yet. She shakes her head and stands up. She walks out and to her room. I sigh. She feels lost without Frankie.

Vicki POV

I go into my room. I don't want to socialise. I want Frankie back. I grab her pillow and one of the hoodies she left me and cuddle it close. I want her back so bad. I can't live without her. I start to cry. I just let it happen. I cry and cry until there are no more tears left.

I hear a knock on my door. "Can I come in Vicki?" I hear Maddie ask. "I guess so," I say quietly. She comes in and sits on my bed next to me. "Frankie messaged me and asked to come and check on you because you weren't answering her. I know you miss her but other than that are you ok?" She asks. I check my phone quickly and see lots of messages from Frankie and a few missed calls. I shrug my shoulders. None of the girls know this but I do have bad anxiety that I have medication for. When Frankie is with me it's like she takes it all away. "Frankie's gone and my anxiety is weighing down on me like a tonne of bricks so not really." I say quietly. Maddie wraps her arms around my shoulders and holds me tightly. "Why didn't you tell us about your anxiety, Vicks?" Maddie asks. I shrug my shoulders. I do know why I didn't tell them. I don't want to be treated any differently. I wanted to be treated like a normal person, not the girl who has anxiety.

I decide to tell maddie all about my anxiety and how she can help. "I'm glad you're telling me vicki, it means i can help. If you ever want to get something off of your chest or just want a hug, come to me, i wont ask any questions. I promise." She says. I nod my head. "Thanks. It's usually really bad right before the show, that's why I used to cling to Frankie from the five till we started." I say. She nods. "You can cling to me. It's fine." She says. I nod and give her a hug. I then put on Frankie's jumper instead of holding it.

We go out and Lauren and Harriet have made lunch. Well they went and got McDonald's. I smile when I see a box of chicken nuggets waiting for me. I go sit down and start eating them. It is then time to go to the theatre. I grab my bag and walk with the girls. I head to my dressing room. We all have single dressing rooms this week but you could easily fit three people in them. I go in and realise I don't want to be alone. I grab my things for my hair and make up and head to Maddie's dressing room. I get there and knock on the door. "come in!" Maddie calls. I go in. "You ok Vicks?" I nod my head. "can I come in here?" I ask quietly. Maddie nods and pats the chair next to her. I go sit down. I instantly feel more at ease.

After around 10 minutes, we get a call for warm up. Me and Maddie head down to the stage. I go into my corner and do my own little warm up like normal and Maddie joins the rest of the girls. We then do vocal. I yet again stay in my corner.

When warm up is finished we head back up to the dressing room. I do my hair and make up and then go back to my dressing room at the half so I can put my costume on. I get changed and then sit and answer some dms on Instagram. The ten gets called and I feel really anxious. I do some of my pre show rituals that usually calm me down but they don't work. I do some breathing exercises as well but they don't work either. I'm still trying to calm myself down when the beginners comes through. I try and shake off the anxious feeling as I walk to the stage. I get down and give Maddie a hug. I just need it.

Maddie POV

Vicki told me about her anxiety. I always thought she did have anxiety but I never said anything. She comes to my dressing room to get ready today.

Whilst we are waiting to start the show Vicki gives me a hug. I hug back and don't ask any questions, like I promised. Vicki pulls back and take a few deep breaths and jumps up and down. "You're gonna smash it." I say to her. She nods and gets into position.

We go through the show. We all finish and party off stage. We all head to our dressing rooms and go get changed. I'm ready first so I wait for the others to be ready. Vicki is done next. "Vicki, can I tell the others about your anxiety? That way if you can't find me you can go to someone else." I ask her. She nods her head. We go home.

When we get home I make a separate group chat and call it Vicki's anxiety. I send a message saying hi. Moments later everyone starts messaging.

LD- what's this for Maddie?
JC- yh and why is it called Vicki's anxiety? She doesn't have anxiety?
MB- look Vicki doesn't like talking about it but she does have bad anxiety. She has medication for it.
NP- what! Why has she never mentioned it?
MB- I don't know. I only found out today because she was struggling when Frankie left.
SM- it makes sense though. Vicki has always been quiet, she was in town as well, just not as bad.
EG- anyway why did you make this group?
MB- basically it's just so we can figure things out together for what works best for Vicki. Also if she comes and asks for a hug, allow it and don't ask questions. She won't want to talk about it.
CT- do I have to be in this. I'm not being a babysitter because she can't look after herself.
LD- wtf Caitlin. Anxiety isn't a choice.
CT- well I don't want to help so I'm leaving
*CT left the group*
JC- well then...
HW- us lot can help. We don't need Caitlin.
CL- I'm happy to help, my sister has bad anxiety so I know how to calm people down during anxiety attacks and panic attacks.
MB- ooo maybe you could send some info cassy
CL- yep I'll send it through in the morning.

I turn off my phone and go make some food for myself. I also make Vicki something. I eat mine and then head to Vicki's room. I knock on the door. I hear some muffled cries so I go in. "Hey Vicks come here." I say as I see her curled up crying again. "I want Frankie." She cries out, starting to struggle to breathe. I pull her into my chest and stroke her hair. "I know you do. We can try call her in a minute. Can you take some deep breaths and calm down a little first?" I ask her. She nods and starts tracing her hand and taking deep breaths. She soon calms down. "Can we call Frankie now?" She asks quietly. I nod. Vicki grabs her iPad and face times Frankie.

Frankie answers straight away. I sit off to the side so I don't interrupt. Vicki looks happy. I decide to give her the food I made now before Frankie goes and she starts crying again. She takes it and eats it quickly. Frankie then has to go. I see Vicki's face drop. Frankie hangs up and she starts to cry. She curls into herself and I sit and comfort her. She soon falls asleep.

I head to my room and go to bed. I really hope Vicki doesn't feel as bad in the morning.