The Earth Laughs in Flowers

✨c h a p t e r the f o u r t h✨

Thirteen Years Ago:
The Hypothetical
•••
Summer 2015

I couldn't sleep. It wasn't because of my essay that I was worried wouldn't be good enough to get into USI, but it was because of Maya's ideal dream to pave her own future without anyone's help. Whenever we weren't on the same page, I felt more alone in my life than I ever had before—apart from the initial impact of Uncle Edmund's death. After all, Loneliness is an interesting concept. While Loneliness can never be alone itself—since it has to latch on to another being—it causes its prey to feel a void that can't be filled until Loneliness decides to attach itself to another person. It's a constant cycle that every living creature has to face, and that's the thought that helps me move one. This was the exact reason my rainbow idea existed.

I've always had the notion that they're rainbows to find whenever there's rain in your life. During the hard times that grow us as people, we have to find something that gives us the courage to continue on. If we don't have this courage, if we don't have this happiness, if we don't have something to believe in—we'll all end up like my uncle—six feet under leaving behind grieving loved ones praying to the clouds and hoping that he finally found his way in another life. I guess the experience of life itself helped me realize that people need rainbows more than they need anything else. It's the whole idea of hope, and what good is anything without hope?

So, I took it upon myself to think of the rainbows in my life. The things that helped me move on even when I felt like I couldn't pull myself out of bed. In fact, I made a list of rainbows:

1. Maya (duh, this was a no brainer)
2. The stars
3. Stargazing with Maya
4. The planetarium trip with Maya
5. Making love for the first time with Maya
6. Getting an apartment with Maya
7. Getting into USI
8. Becoming a rocket scientist
9. Working at NASA
10. Waking up everyday
11. Memories of Edmund

The list could go on, but those were my major rainbows. Of course, most of them involved Maya, but she was truly the number one reason that helped me want to continue. She was a dream in itself, and I loved her more than anything and everything in the whole universe. That was why I couldn't sleep. When the person you love the most—the person that genuinely owns you body and soul (if a person could be owned, theoretically)—is disappointed or upset with you, it causes your old friend Loneliness to appear and tower over you like a dark cloud. And with everything else going on, I couldn't afford to entertain Loneliness. It had to go.

"Clark!" My mom called from downstairs, "get up. We have to go!"

"Ugh!" I growled as I rolled over and shoved my face deeper into my pillow. I knew it was past the time I was supposed to wake up for today's extravaganza—I could tell by the way the sun shone through my window and lit up my room—but I didn't care. I was tired from the lack of sleep, and I was stressed from my essay and Maya. "I'll be down soon!" I promised even though I continued to bury my face deeper into the cold side of my pillow.

"Get up, asshole," Ezra demanded as she barged into my room. "After all, you're the reason why we're doing this in the first place."

"I know," I grumbled as I rolled over and sat up. She was standing in my doorway with her neon hair perfectly straight around her head, and her arms crossed as she glared at me. She wasn't really upset with me, she just wanted to force me out of bed so Mom would stop hustling downstairs.

"I get that you're worried about your essay, but it's no reason to slink around. We have to be in Champaign by 1:00 P.M., and it's already 9:00! You're making Mom go crazy."