Symphony of Freaks

Perceptions and Resolutions

*Tommy's POV*

The moon was full and bright that night and shone through the thin curtains onto my face as I slowly woke up. My head was pounding when I first fluttered my eyes open. Where was I? Was this my room? I remembered that we were on tour but I didn't know in which city. I never did.

 Being on tour you usually don't get to see way more than the airport when you arrive and when you leave, your hotel room (which I clearly didn't recognize at this point) and of course the stage at night. Especially when you're touring with Adam Lambert. You couldn't go in public with him. His so called Glamberts were insane. But like positivly insane. They make Adam so unbelieveably happy. And when he's happy I am too. I loved this man, like... as a friend.

 Except for the fact that you could't spontaneiously go out with him but I didn't like being around other people than my band and close friends anyway.

 Nevertheless, I loved touring. This is what I was made for. I don't like being in the same place all the time, seeing the same judgemental faces all the time. I am weird, I like to shock people, I like to do stuff that other people would describe inappropriate or something. The strangest thing about my personality though was my fear of being judged and my anxiety. Being excentrical and anxious at the same time was strange. Destructive. Weird. I am pathetic. Sick and twisted. This is probably why I became a musician and not just some random lawyer or doctor. Us musicians were all sick and twisted.

 A disgusting pain that shot through my stomach as I tried to sit up brought me back to reality. My eyes carefully wandered through the room — I felt too dizzy to look around properly — still not recognizing it. For some reason I looked next to me, still sitting in this ridiculously huge bed.

 Wait... What the...

 There was somebody sleeping besides me. All snuggled up, not facing me. I couldn't see the person's face but I thought I wouldn't be able to recognize it anyway. I must have had some wild night with some girl I met after the show. I always thought this was unusual for me but especially on the last few little tours something like this could happen every now and then. I mean it's so easy to get to this point. Adam had such beautiful fangirls. People may think they're all teenage girls but there were actually a lot of girls at my age... or at least over 21. And they were all so... willing. Since Adam is playing for the other team they had to try to get into somebody else's bed and this was where I came in. It was never easy for me to get to know girls. Like in school or something but now they think I'm hot. I mean, I'm never going to be in a serious relationship with one of those girls. I'll probably never be in any sort of serious relationship though. I'm too weak for that. Too anxious. Too pathetic. Too worried. I'm just not worth it. I've had experienced too much bad things relationship-wise to give all my heart and soul to one woman and be loved and give love to just be left behind again. Even if I could I will never find a girl that will give all her love to me just because I am being myself. That would be surreal. Who could love a screwed soul like mine?

 So I just kept telling myself that it's better to have fun with a girl whose a name I would never remember. And despite from my crazy self that's what they wanted aswell. They would come to the show, drink a bit, somehow stumble into me afterwards. Then we would go to my hotel room. At this point we would be getting drunk and all they want to do then is fuck all night and sleep a bit in the morning.

 I would wake up, telling them I had a great night but unfortunately she would have to leave now because I had places to go and shows to play. She wouldn't be upset or angry because that's exactly what she wanted. People tend to call that a groupie, don't they? So... that would be how it goes down. But today was different. When I slept with a groupie I never drank so much that I couldn't remember the night before and I also wouldn't be as sick and fucked up but now I am. I was feeling horrible, the pain in my stomach got worse. I felt like I could throw up any second but I got myself together.