Symphony of Freaks

Dawn Song

*Tommy's POV*

The sun glistened through the window. I squinted my eyes. My head was still hurting but at least I knew where I was now. I looked for Adam. He wasn't in bed anymore. I slowly stood up and stumbled into the kitchenette of the hotelroom. There I found Adam who just took two pills. He didn't look as fabulous as he usually would but that was not a big surprise. When he noticed me staring at him like that I became nervous. My heart started to pound faster and I got butterflies in my stomach which made me go insane. My post-breakdown resolution from last night shot through my head again. This morning I wasn't as secure about that anymore.

"Good morning, Tommy. How are you?" Adam smiled at me and tried to act as calm and usual as possible but that didn't really succeed. Suddenly he seemed so different to me.

"Hung over. I feel hung over." I wanted to give him a smile aswell but I couldn't.

I felt terrible. Not only because of the alcohol consume of last night and the resultant hangover. That was not important right now, it would go away. But what ruled my mind was Adam. Why was he so different? He had smiled at me but it didn't convince me. Usually his smile made me deeply happy and took my breath away. But this time it didn't reach his eyes. Those eyes were so... cold and there wasn't any shine left in them. His voice was so undercooled. His cheeks lost all of their glow. He didn't really seem like he was mad at me but more like he was worried. Deeply worried about something I would not understand.

Was it because of last night? But nothing happened, did it? He said it was okay. Was it my fault?

Talk to me, Adam.

I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt misplaced. I forgot the plan I had made last night. I could not tell him about my feelings when he can't even stand me sleeping in his hotel room for one night. It was ridiculous to think things would work out like that. I swore myself to not deny big things like this anymore. But I swore the truth dishonestly.

I looked down on the floor. I felt ashamed. My eyes wandered through the room searching for the rest of my clothes. I found my shirt next to the door and my pants halfway underneath the bed. Fortunately, my mind was in another world so I didn't worry about why my clothes were spreaded all over the room. I got dressed and then stood there quitely observing Adam. He made coffee. His movements were uncotrolled and hard, not as smooth as usual. He held his head low, his eyes were heavy and his lips small and pale. It corded up my throat to see him like this.

He looked at me. I have never seen this expression in his eyes before. They were darker and worried. But still caring and loving. Guilty? There was no sense of passion or any kind of shine in them. He also seemed just as confused as I was. Or maybe I was overinterpreting all that.

Talk to me, Adam.

"Coffee?" that was the only thing he said.

He tried to make his voice sound somewhat normal but it was still cool. There was a lot on his mind and I wanted to know what it was but I couldn't ask.

I just stared at him. What was wrong with him? What was wrong with me? I didn't know what to do. I didn't want him to be so cold to me.

"No." I answered him in the same cool tone that his voice had.

He looked into my eyes with a now hurt expression. Now I felt sorry for being cold towards him.

This was too much for me. I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't know how to talk to Adam. I didn't know what happened last night. I didn't believe Adam anymore. There must have been something between us last night. I didn't think anymore that we had sex last night. Maybe we got into a fight or something. I can lose my temper when I'm drunk. I held my head, busily trying to bring back my memory but I wasn't able to remember one little thing of last night.