City Wall | K.Sn

| 31 |

Sitting against the wall with the duvet draped over my legs, my fingers kept tapping on the beigy-yellow file in my lap as I watched Sunoo rush around his room, repeatedly assuring me he was ready within just a few seconds, only causing me to smile softly at him as he pushed his specs further up his nose, looking for something.

"Alright, alright, I'm coming now," Sunoo assured and rushed over and sat down beside me, throwing the duvet over his legs as well, glancing down at the file before looking up at me, "are you ready to open it?"

"I'm kinda scared to," I admitted and scrunched up my nose.

"Shall I?" he offered and extended his hand towards me.

"Please," I hummed and placed the file in his hand.

Sunoo grabbed the file and continued to turn it in his hands, making me let out a small laugh. Catching onto my amusement he immediately began pretending as if he was closely inspecting the file, only pulling another small string of laughs from me.

"Alright, alright, I'll open it," Sunoo assured after I had whacked his arm softly.

Carefully Sunoo opened the file and pulled out the first paper, it didn't seem like some awfully long document.

"Content of file..." Sunoo murmured as he scanned the page, "criminal record from Stasi, Punishment record from Stasi, Prisoner testimony Stasi Prison, Rescued Testimony West-Berlin Police, Treatment Plan, Stasi Photographs," Sunoo continued reading before looking over at me with a small smile, "you know what this means?"

"What?" I questioned and looked up at him.

"He's alive," Sunoo whispered and I just quietly nodded, "what about your mom, did Jungwon have that file?"

"He said it was another department that had the executed files. I don't think I'll get it any time soon," I excused and he hummed quietly, "can you... can you please look through it before I do... figure out what is alright for me to see and what I shouldn't see," I excused and he just quietly nodded, "thank you."

"Anything that is just a no?" he questioned carefully as he opened the file again.

"Anything graphical," I stated and he hummed as I laid my head on his shoulder.

Quietly I closed my eyes as I could hear paper flipping time and time again. Once in a while Sunoo would mutter a few things or hum out something, once I heard his breath hitch, which I wasn't even going to question the reason behind.

"Alright... I think I have it now," Sunoo stated and I opened my eyes, watchnig him close the file before placing a few papers on top of it, "these are the ones I think you can look through."

"What are they?" I questioned and Sunoo went quiet.

"It's the Treatment Plan and one Stasi Photograph," Sunoo stated and I stayed quiet, "you want me to read it to you?"

"It's not a lot," I whispered and Sunoo just hummed.

"I wasn't gonna take any risks," he excused, "maybe we can look through the rest tomorrow night... I just didn't want you to... I didn't want there to be something you felt uncomfortable with seeing."

"Yeah..." I nodded at him as he picked up the treatment plan.

"So the Treatment Plan says that your dad is currently admitted to the Bonnie's Ranch, the psychiatric hospital in West Berlin," Sunoo stated and I quietly nodded, "he's supposedly going through some treatment for PTSD, as well as getting health check ups. From what I can he is set onto a nutrition programme as well as an anxiety and depression programme with posibilities of rehab if he shows any selfharming tendencies, Alcohol and other drugs count in as a selfharming tendency, but I doubt he will show any of those... he will be eligible for visits in April 1990."

"So I can't visit him?" I whispered and Sunoo quietly shook his head before reaching over and grabbing onto my hand.

"Not without a special permission," he excused caressing the back of my hand with his thumb, "and those also take a while to prepare. You'll need proof that you're his daughter in order for you to get that."

"But they deleted him of my guardian record when they arrested him," I pointed out and lifted my head from Sunoo's shoulder. Looking up at Sunoo I watched as his lips pursed and he looked down to our intertwined hands.

"Then we'll have to wait until April," he excused and I quietly nodded in return, "uhm... the pictures were all quite... They weren't that nice to look at, but they have his mosy recent prisoner protrait," he quietly spoke and pulled out a small photograph, which he handed me.

I quietly looked down at the pictures. For the first time ever I saw my dad with hollow cheeks, he only had a few traits left of the dad I remembered. The slightly chubby cheeks, which always were pushed upwards in his happy smile and his messy black hair was all gone, he looked like an empty shell that had gotten his hair trimmed down to a few centimeters above his scalp.

It had been so long since he had been arrested that I couldn't even remember for what he had been arrested, or when it really was.

"You look like him, you know," Sunoo softly spoke up as I just sat and stared at the picture, "the eyes... they're the same, and the nose," he pointed out and I just stayed silent, "are you alright?"

"Can I keep it?" I quietly questioned as I looked up at Sunoo, who seemed surprised as to why I asked him.

"It's your dad," he reminded with a small laugh, "of course you can keep the picture."

"Thanks," I murmured and handed him the picture back, "I think I need rest."

"Alright," Sunoo hummed and grabbed the picture, placing it on his nightstand along with the rest of the file, "then let's sleep."

I quietly got further down under the duvet along with Sunoo, who was quick to pull me into a hug, muttering something in my ear which I didn't quite catch, I was too into my own thoughts about my dad.