⚠️TW⚠️ THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SELF HARM
Yet.
The word rang in my mind. Over and over and over, it rang. I sat alone, in my cold bedroom. Over the past hour, multiple knocks had sounded, the knob had shook multiple times, I had heard someone attempting to pick the lock, and I heard Grog attempt to break the door down. It had been 20 minutes till anyone had attempted to contact me. Another, soft knock sounded. "Vax? Can I come in?" A gentle voice asked. Keyleth was outside my door, nervous and worried. I almost opened the door, but then the image of me pinning her against a wall, fangs sinking into her neck flashed in my mind. I pulled back immediately, eyes tearing up again. I wanted to believe I would never do that, but that image wasn't mine. I didn't create that scene. I tried to sound like I was fine as I responded. "Go away." I heard her sigh. "I love you, Vax. And I know you love me because you initiated our relationship. You can trust me."
I could trust her, she was right about that.But I couldn't trust myself.
I balled my hands into fists. "I do love you. But... I just need some more time, I'm sorry." I softened my voice towards the end. She sighed again. "Ok, I'm here when your ready."
I closed my eyes and looked at the floor as the soft sound of her footsteps faded into nothingness. I was alone. It was my fault, I knew that. It's always my fault. Mission failed? My fault. Grog is sad? My fault. Percy's gun ran out of rounds? My fucking fault.
My fault.
Annoying.
Smart ass.
Rude.
Stupid.
Blame Vax.
Vampire.
Demon.
Monster.I needed to distract myself. My thoughts transitioned to what I...used to do. Vex had dragged me out of that dark place and Keyleth had shown me why it was wrong. But it seemed like a damn good solution right now. I slowly walked towards the bathroom connected to my bed chambers. I walked in and locked the other door, the one that led to the hallway. I couldn't believe none of them had tried it yet. I stood next to a smooth marble sink, and opened a basket lying next to it. I pulled out something I hadn't seen-or used-in a long time. The razor gleamed in the light filtered through the window as I pulled up my sleeve and brought it to my wrist. I pressed down, not as hard as I used to, but enough to draw blood. The thin red line was barely diagonal, but crossed over four old scars alone. My other arm wasn't much better off. Blood dripped into the sink. Closing my eyes, I left another cut. And another.
4.
5.
6.I stopped, emotionless. I quickly rinsed off the cuts and bandaged them, pulling my sleeve back down farther than usual. If Vex or Keyleth saw they would kill me. I smirked at the thought.
They would kill me.
Ok.
Not like it matters.
YOU ARE READING
What Meets The Eye
Fanfiction*DOES NOT FOLLOW STORYLINE. THIS IS AN AU ONLY** After Vax'ildan's run in with the Vox Machina equivalent of a vampire, he becomes hesitant to participate in missions and rescues. The near-death experience has traumatized him, and oddly enough has b...