Behind the scenes( a newtmas comedy )

chapter 12/ oh bloody hell

tw: rape words🥺

"welcome my pretty little sinners" complemented satan

newt and Tommy had just fallen 345627324652892718837.22 kilometres from heaven and landed in a lava pit. but they were so boiling from rage at their annoying asf daughter who called them out for rapisitsm that they couldn't even feel the boilingness of the lava. 

"what the f" newt said as he dragged his bony body out of the lava pit to the dock where satan stood" 

satan held a hand out to help tommah and newt out of the pits but as soon as he grasped their hands in one of satans hands(he had 22 per arm and leg), he picked them up and yeeted them so far that they glitched and fell into the black abyss.

"crappy noodles" complained tom

they fell for a few minutes and then landed on concrete " the concrete was cold and black. they seemed to be in a room with no light or windows.

"oh nooooooo" yelled newt thinking he lost tom because he hadn't complained for 3 full seconds. newt tried to run to him but he ran into a fat brick wall and smashed his nose and face. newt cried and it wasn't until he fell to the ground in slo-mo that he realised he landed on a cushion. 

"baybay?" something said in a familiar voice. IT WAS TOMMMMMMMMAYYHHHHHHH. SLAYYYYYY!!!! Tommy had done the exact same thing as newt but broke his dingleberries.   newt rolled off of toms fat body, which was fat because he had choked and accidentally inhaled too much lava which surprisingly tasted excitedly like colouring. degust lol. newt resssusytated tom because he disintegrated for a min. when they finally got up and were in great amount of pain, they used all of their might to manually lift their necks tp look around the room.

"nettie babe?" called Tomah

"ya?" replied newt

"well, when I read fanfic mysteries,  well at least the ones where people are trapped in rooms they can't escape, they always find something sus in the left corner room. so I think if we look there" explained Tommy thinking he was facing newt but how could he know when it was blacker than Teresa's heart. 

"wait Tommy bub. I have a question?"

"yes, newt? what is it" 

"um, are you stupid??" said newt honestly

"what the f???" question tommah

"answer bae"

"um don't think I am," said tom talking to the wall

"well you are because EXPLAIN TO ME HOW THE FRIGGEN F ARE WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT SIDE AND CORNER are WHICH WHEN IT IF EFFING INVISIBLE!!!??!" yelled newt while slipping on a banana peel. 

Tommy tried to walk forward but ran into a wall again and twilled pirouette style and landed on Newt's ding, which hadn't been covered yet cause they've been in hell lol. they started banging of course cause there wa nothing else to do. they banged for about 2 weeks and then when they finnished they looked up and newt saw something sus. it was light. at first he thought it was like a firefly but it was IGHT.

Tommy took out his earing and white gold chain and made a weaapon. newtry threw it at the light and was so ecxctatic when they relied it was working. but the sussyness got susser. UH DUH DUH.